End of life vs palliative

[madnessitellyou]

My dm is very, very ill. End stage of a chronic illness. She’s in hospital and I’m getting mixed messages about what exactly is going on.

She’s reasonably chatty when I’m there, needs oxygen but keeps on refusing and is being given morphine for reasons I don’t fully understand.

The dr has told me days without oxygen, weeks with. Same doctor said she was dying and palliative care was getting involved. One nurse said she wasn’t end of life just yet, but her care home said the hospital had contacted them about administering end of life care.

I am struggling with anticipatory grief and don’t even know what questions I should even be asking. What’s the actual difference between end of life and palliative? What’s the morphine for? Can someone dying be chatty?!

I am driving myself mad googling.

My understanding is palliative means there's nothing much to do other than relieve symptoms. But that doesn't necessarily mean that the end is imminent. MIL was on palliative care for over a year. With my dad it was a couple of weeks.

Surely the morphine is pain relief.

So sorry about your DM.
The morphine will be pain relief.
Someone dying can definitely be chatty. And people can also sort of perk up for those they love.
You could ask that they are sure to tell you when your Mum seems to be a few days from end of life. However humans are not always so predictable at the end of life.
I found this NHS link https://www.nhs.uk/tests-and-treatments/end-of-life-care/what-it-involves-and-when-it-starts/

This too https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/ng31/ifp/chapter/questions-to-ask-about-care-in-the-last-days-of-life

As above OP. My DH was under the hospice palliative care team for 20 months and they'll be involved right up to the end. Yes, a person can be chatty and alert, right up until the final day or so. My dad was still mentally competent hours before he died, even though he could barely talk. If your DM is refusing oxygen then you could well see a rapid downturn in her condition, especially if the doctor is saying it will reduce her remaining time to days. I'm sorry for what you're going through, and wish you strength to get through the next days/weeks. Is there a local hospice where your mum could be moved to?

They did mention the possibility of hospice and there is one nearby but of course they’d need to have space.

I’m struggling to think straight. My dad went in 48 hours. This feels like a nightmare.

Sorry to hear this, OP. Morphine is often used to relive breathlessness (as well as being used for severe pain) - from what you say about her oxygen requirements I’m guessing she may have advanced respiratory disease? Breathlessness can be really distressing and morphine is very effective at relieving it.
People approaching the end of life can be chatty while awake, but will tend to sleep for more and more of the day. They tend to lose interest in eating and drinking, and in what’s going on around them.
Can you request a meeting with her medical team to get an update on how things are likely to go over the next while?

Yeah it’s COPD so that now makes sense.

I’ll ask to speak to the medical team and hope they’ll give me some answers.