Supporting parents from a distance

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I would really appreciate some advice please. My parents live 3 hours drive away, we’re not very close but usually travel down to see them about 4 times a year. My dad has dementia but recent infections has meant several hospital stays and his health has declined to the point that he’s had to go into a care home. He can’t walk, can’t feed himself etc.

My mum is not coping on her own. She’s spiralling thinking about being on her own. She can’t look after my dad at home but she’s not happy with the care home. Every time he gets an infection she asks for him to go to hospital despite the GP originally saying it’s not a good idea. She doesn’t seem to have a clue about long term plans but she refuses to phone the GP. And she refuses to phone Social Services.

What can I do? I work full time so can only visit at the weekend which means there are no doctors in hospital to speak to or management staff at the care home. Can I phone the GP on her behalf to ask for support?

Has she completed the form so the GP can talk to you? if she hasn’t that would be useful. If she has then you can get information from them.
You could probably make a phone appointment as your Mum to speak to the GP. I also write my parents GP letters. If nothing else to provide them with information about what’s actually going on.

It sounds like this is more about managing your mum than practical help.
She seems desperate not to lose him so insists on pushing him into hospital admissions.

I'd start by arranging a phone call with the care home manager and saying you want a totally honest conversation about your DF's condition and what to do for the best.

After that you may have some idea of further action, if necessary taking time off work to be at the care home to see the GP with your mum.

Thank you both that’s so helpful - just having a starting point. And yes, I think she’s so desperate for him to keep going, she’s not really thinking about what’s best for him.