Should we arrange a private geriatric assessment for my elderly mother-in-law?

[Rainallnight]

My 95 MIL is in amazing shape for her age. She lives alone, and has no personal care needs. She is cognitively 100%.

She is naturally, however, slowing down and her mobility has become a lot more limited in recent years. She has also lost weight, which I think is muscle wastage. And her teeth aren’t great so I’m not confident her diet is great.

I think the family should organise for a private assessment with a geriatrician to see what steps we can take to slow down decline, prevent falls, and generally maintain the bit of independence she has.

DP doesn’t agree.

Any thoughts/experiences to share?

Well, what does she want? If she is "cognitively 100%" then surely it is her decision, not yours or your partners.

What does MIL want?

YABU. When was the last time she saw a dentist?

This

And what do you mean when you say her teeth aren’t great? She’s 95. I’m not sure how realistic you’re sounding from your post.

I am all for letting nature take its course. To be 95 and independent is amazing. Rather than an assessment I would make sure her home is as safe as it can be for her. Ask her about her needs and want for when her decline accelerates.

You should be able to self-refer to your local council Occupational Therapy service for a home assessment to see if grab rails, bath/shower seat or other equipment would help keep your MIL independent and safe at home.

There may be a local specialist falls service, which would help prevent falls. Her GP should be able to advise. A careline pendant to call for would help as probably easier to manage than a mobile phone.

Does your MIL have a cleaner or anyone to help with shopping?

All this depends on whether your MIL and DH are willing to take sensible steps.

She can make her own decisions, an appointment won’t slow the natural progression of time.

Is she worried, and if so about what?

Why go to a geriatrician as opposed to her going to her usual gp for the same check up you or I would have? Of course her teeth aren’t great- as you age your gums recede, enamel weakens and they discolour unless you’re very lucky.

What does she want?
Why does DP disagree with your opinion?
Why does it need to be a private assessment?
What home help/aids/health advice/social needs would she be interested in?

Why do you think this?

You can see someone who specialises in the elderly, however to what end? Any ongoing treatment may be invasive and stressful, and more trouble than the issue it is trying to solve. For the very elderly, it can be better to leave be. If it isn't too broken, don't try to fix it!

Surely they would just say see a dentist for any teeth issues.

A falls/OT assessment might be a good idea if she is interested.

As for food, it sounds like she could do with a bit more help. Have you suggested something like trying a few M and S meals you’ve seen or just popping around with a couple and saying I say these and thought of you.

You don’t need an assessment - it’s common sense. Look at age uk website for practical advice. It’s a case of doing house work, shopping, cooking, bed changing, safety around bathing, any steps and stairs to be negotiated and getting help for the garden. All of this help can be bought in or hand rails installed etc.

You can't make an appointment for someone else. They have to initiate or agree to you doing so.

You can have a chat about what her needs might be. Older people are often in denial about what’s best hence they fill up hospital wards.