My DM is 90, had a diagnosis of dementia about 18 months ago. DF passed away nearly 20 years ago. She still lives on her own with a care package that has been in place for over 3 years. She has been persistently stubborn over this and very often refuses to co-operate with them. She is supposed to have help 3 times a week for showering, hair washing etc. but from the care app it looks as if she has showered twice in the last month. Her short term memory is very poor but she still has some agency in her life which we try and respect if possible even though she is awkward and argumentative [ frequently tells us black is white]
DSis lives much closer than me and does a lot for DM day to day [appointments, shopping, sorts out cleaners, carers etc.] DM comes to stay with me for about a week every 6 weeks or so partly to give my DSis a break. I also try and treat these breaks as a holiday for DM and generally fuss over her cooking her favourite foods, lots of day trips in the car, and I know she enjoys this.
Since her diagnosis she has asked both me and DSis repeatedly what happens when she can't cope at home. When I say repeatedly, this topic comes up 5 or 6 times a day when she is staying with me. The answer given is always the same that she will be cared for in her own home for as long as possible and then we will find a lovely care home where she can get full time care and we can visit regularly. She does not like the idea of a care home and we try and help her understand that her being more co-operative with the carers will enable her to stay at home longer. Unfortunately she seems to be getting more intransigent!
She has started to tell people [neighbours, chiropodist, cleaners] that she is moving to live with me full time. These people have rung my DSis to check on the details so we know what is being said. Being a full time carer for DM is not something I could do [not could DSis] She has always been hard work and although we both love her as our mum, living under the same roof, even without a dementia diagnosis is a non starter. We do what we can for her but there are limits.
She is coming to stay this weekend for a week and I strongly suspect that she will raise this, she has dropped hints in the past. Her dementia means she gets very fixated on an idea or topic and will present this move as a done deal. I wondered if anyone has advice for me or has dealt with a similar issue?