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Elderly parents

Surely this is common sense! Carers and dinner

28 replies

Ginghamtablecloth · 16/07/2026 13:28

So mum is bed bound and has carers in 4 times a day plus we all go in on a
daily basis. She is very well cared for. I make her home cooked meals and put them
in little lunch boxes and freeze them so carers reheat in microwave and feed her on days we can’t do it. Usually always lunch but rarely dinner.

Initiay I bought plastic lunch boxes which we could wash and reuse but despite me repeatedly asking them to keep them they were being thrown
away and it was costing me a fortune to replace them. So I bought a load of disposable plastic containers which didn’t matter if they were thrown away and I reused where I could. These ran out recently and all I could get for a reasonable price was foil trays with cardboard lids.

I bought these. I assumed they would know to remove from the carton before heating in the microwave. These carers get very passive aggressive if we leave notes so I try not to do that. I put the foil trays for the next 4 days in the fridge and that was that.

just had a call from carers manager saying the microwave was sparking and is now not working. I asked did they put metal tray in amd
was told she didn’t know. She said if they weren’t supposed to go in microwave I should have informed office and left signs and notes for carers.

I’ve not to buy a new microwave. I am stunned that this isn’t common sense. Is this the norm
now? Do people really just not use their noggin? Am I being unfair?

OP posts:
Thingamebobwotsit · 16/07/2026 13:32

No you are not being unfair, but it does seem to me that carers do the absolute minimum a lot of the time (not least because they are on minimum wage or just above, with tight schedules).

I don't have any easy answers, but could you bulk buy or put microwaveable containers on an amazon subscription? It may at least stop you running out in the future.

UbiquitousPistachio · 16/07/2026 13:32

It’s common sense and that is ridiculous (and dangerous).

BUT it is possible this was a new carer who just followed a care plan that said “take food from freezer and heat in microwave, do not throw dish away afterwards”……

We have had so many carers and it amazes me some of the daft things they do because they are diligently following instructions but without thinking.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 16/07/2026 13:47

You know some bakery things are cooked in a thick paper liner? Is something like this a possibility? I think they keep their shape, they’re not a thin piece of paper.

Or write on the tub and lid ‘do not throw away’, or similar?

I used to do home care, and I will say that while I would absolutely have read your instructions, I have worked with many who wouldn’t……

Seawolves · 16/07/2026 13:52

Has the instruction previously been to heat in the microwave?

SweatySpider321 · 16/07/2026 13:53

Are people that stupid?! I thought everyone knew you don’t put foil, metal cutlery etc in microwaves It does sound a bit like they can’t be bothered thinking e.g. who throws Tupperware in the bin?! If they don’t do such stupid stuff then maybe you won’t have to leave them notes… I also don’t see why you need to buy a microwave as they are the ones who broke ig

Bennybannsider2 · 16/07/2026 13:58

Some metal trays are microwaveable. Maybe yours are, and the microwave is just done? More likely that it is someone without common sense who didn't check and just microwaved metal. Caring is such a poorly paid job that ime employers can't eliminate the ones without common sense, or they wouldn't have enough carers left!

Pistachiocake · 16/07/2026 13:59

It is terrifying that people like this are allowed to be carers-we were all told not to put metal in microwaves before we even started school.
And more scary that our country lets vulnerable people be treated like this. Look at what carers are paid compared to most jobs.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 16/07/2026 16:45

Is this only a lunch problem? What happens at dinner or are they different carers?

Do a cold lunch? A sandwich, yogurt, crisps, fruit, chocolate biscuit, cup of tea, water etc were typical lunches for our elderly. Then a cooked thing for dinner.

Ginghamtablecloth · 16/07/2026 17:18

It’s an all day problem if they are doing the meal. Usually one of us will do her dinner or lunch but if we can’t they have to do both. Since mums requirements have gone up the company has changed and this lot are very difficult. Many of them
have no common sense and some of them
are very obstructive. For example being so rigid with the care plan that they disregard manufacturers instructions causing issues. For example her pads changed and the new ones required a liner. They refused to use liners as they weren’t in her care plan. We used to do a cold lunch and discovered they refused to make a sandwich because it said assist with lunch not make lunch. She’s got dysphagia now so is on a level 2 diet so in
order for them
to feed her all food must be pre prepared. I’ve ordered some plastic tubs off Amazon as a previous poster suggested. I really am
at my wits end with them. We used to have amazing girls who were so caring and maintained mum’s dignity. This crew and not a patch on them.

OP posts:
rookiemere · 16/07/2026 17:20

Carers will be given minimal time to make their visit and microwave a meal. With foil containers they have to find something else to put the food in, plus a cover and empty it out before heating.

Many of DPs home carers were not from UK and did not speak good English. They may not have come across microwaves before. Or maybe they know but don’t have time before the next visit, or maybe they don’t care because they have x visits per day on minimum wage, hard to know really.

A big supply of microwaveable throw away containers is what you need.

BotterMon · 16/07/2026 17:25

Having employed 4000 carers in my previous life, common sense is not very common. If you knew the shit that rains down from the local authority or CQC if carers don't follow the care plan and something goes wrong, you'd understand why they stick to it religiously.

You need to inform the care company about changes so they can change the care plan. If they need to decant the food into another container, this needs to be specified.

lady725516 · 16/07/2026 18:37

I know this isn’t the reason for the thread but does your m receive higher rate attendance allowance which could help with the cost of a new microwave and to pay for the containers?
I think it’s ridiculous they need written instruction on how to reheat a meal but they clearly have no common sense.

ShetlandishMum · 18/07/2026 23:08

Pistachiocake · 16/07/2026 13:59

It is terrifying that people like this are allowed to be carers-we were all told not to put metal in microwaves before we even started school.
And more scary that our country lets vulnerable people be treated like this. Look at what carers are paid compared to most jobs.

Train and pay carers better.

ShetlandishMum · 18/07/2026 23:11

SweatySpider321 · 16/07/2026 13:53

Are people that stupid?! I thought everyone knew you don’t put foil, metal cutlery etc in microwaves It does sound a bit like they can’t be bothered thinking e.g. who throws Tupperware in the bin?! If they don’t do such stupid stuff then maybe you won’t have to leave them notes… I also don’t see why you need to buy a microwave as they are the ones who broke ig

We don't have a micro wave. Never had. Not that uncommon. So most likely a lot of people have paid how to use one any attention.
Carers are paid a minimum wage for very hard work. Most people would last a week in that job.

Gingerkittykat · 18/07/2026 23:23

My friend worked as a carer for a care agency, and the terms and conditions were so bad that she was their most experienced carer when she left after 6 months.

Sadly, agencies like that will employ anyone with a pulse, which is why the care can be so poor.

ShetlandishMum · 18/07/2026 23:31

Gingerkittykat · 18/07/2026 23:23

My friend worked as a carer for a care agency, and the terms and conditions were so bad that she was their most experienced carer when she left after 6 months.

Sadly, agencies like that will employ anyone with a pulse, which is why the care can be so poor.

Very few people to hire. Most people know that it's ridiculous work and stay 100 ft away.

rookiemere · 19/07/2026 10:44

I know OP is going through a hard time, but I think it’s common sense not to expect carers to decant food into serving dishes for microwaving unless they have been specifically told to do so.
I imagine even working in a care home would be easier than doing home visits. At least there is one set of rules and you don’t need to travel ( unpaid) to different locations and have different sets of instructions wherever you go.

Diamond7272 · 20/07/2026 11:04

Pistachiocake · 16/07/2026 13:59

It is terrifying that people like this are allowed to be carers-we were all told not to put metal in microwaves before we even started school.
And more scary that our country lets vulnerable people be treated like this. Look at what carers are paid compared to most jobs.

Good grief.

It's not 'terrifying'...

"allowed" to be carers... (blimey, they are 'allowed' to also earn minimum wage)

Over the top a bit?

No one is queuing up to be a carer....

BalakayAARon · 20/07/2026 11:23

Knowing how these carers are, you should have altered the instructions or left a note. Not everyone has the same life experience, so some obvious things to us might not be common knowledge for them.

At least there wasn't a fire.

My ex's sister bought my son a microwave teddy bear filled with wheat, as a hot water bottle alternative.

Unbeknownst to us, this lady in her 40's who had much microwave experience, had added a ribbon bow with wire stiffening around it's neck. It matched so wasn't obvious that it wasn't an original part of the design. My ex put it in the microwave to warm, left the room and came back to a fire in the microwave!

I hope all goes well in the future.

rookiemere · 20/07/2026 18:38

My friend was telling me today that one of the carers her late DF had at home told them they had been allocated 4 minutes paid traveling time between two locations. They are at least 1.5 miles apart and even Hussein Bolt couldn’t run it in 4 minutes. Parking also tricky in both places, so clearly the care company puts in the drive time without adding anything for actually getting to the car, finding parking etc. etc., the best you could actually do by car would be 10-12 minutes.On public transport it would be around 20 unless you were exceptionally lucky and got a bus there.
So this is a long winded way of saying not only are home carers on minimum wage but they are travelling unpaid in their own time.
They will do what they are explicitly told to do.

Blushingm · 20/07/2026 18:46

Not everyone has a microwave. DP doesn’t. A lot of carers are also from other countries and may not have grown up with a microwave in the home

WRT to assist with lunch/make lunch then they’re correct - they are different tasks

I think you’re frustrated so are taking it out on the carers

TooHotToBoogie · 20/07/2026 18:52

Ginghamtablecloth · 16/07/2026 13:28

So mum is bed bound and has carers in 4 times a day plus we all go in on a
daily basis. She is very well cared for. I make her home cooked meals and put them
in little lunch boxes and freeze them so carers reheat in microwave and feed her on days we can’t do it. Usually always lunch but rarely dinner.

Initiay I bought plastic lunch boxes which we could wash and reuse but despite me repeatedly asking them to keep them they were being thrown
away and it was costing me a fortune to replace them. So I bought a load of disposable plastic containers which didn’t matter if they were thrown away and I reused where I could. These ran out recently and all I could get for a reasonable price was foil trays with cardboard lids.

I bought these. I assumed they would know to remove from the carton before heating in the microwave. These carers get very passive aggressive if we leave notes so I try not to do that. I put the foil trays for the next 4 days in the fridge and that was that.

just had a call from carers manager saying the microwave was sparking and is now not working. I asked did they put metal tray in amd
was told she didn’t know. She said if they weren’t supposed to go in microwave I should have informed office and left signs and notes for carers.

I’ve not to buy a new microwave. I am stunned that this isn’t common sense. Is this the norm
now? Do people really just not use their noggin? Am I being unfair?

My experience of carers is that they do the least they can in the least of time they can. The dopey leading the copier I'm afraid, no offence but we had appalling ones

beeautifullif3 · 20/07/2026 18:59

Unfortunately these days home carers are incredibly stupid and yes I am more than qualified to say that , one lady recently was made a cold baked bean sandwich and the carer had washed the sauce off the beans , lady had asked for beans on toast 🤦‍♀️ never ever would I allow carers into a family members home

BillieWiper · 20/07/2026 19:08

You should've left a note. A new mic doesn't cost that much.

You can call them idiotic but that's not going to be helpful in the future. Just know to explain anything different clearly written down.

Gofaster2023 · 20/07/2026 19:24

This is definitely incompetence. And I get the not deviating from the care plan. We can get in trouble for doing things that aren't in the care plan. I can't even pass down a paracetamol for a client with mobility issues but no cognitive issues if it isn't in the care plan because it counts as administering. So a client who can't reach the shelf has to have a headache because im not allowed to facilitate access! Having said that, in those scenarios (as with your own) if I want to cover my back I'd call the office, get them to call NOK and gain the inevitable rest permission. So if it was that your instructions say, "microwave in tub" I'd think, oh hello, this tub is not microwaveable, I will call to clarify so I dont get in trouble. I wouldnt just sit back and watch the client's dinner go on fire and think, well, at least I did as I was told.

You may find the carers are chopping and changing too so theyre literally on auto pilot and not really fussed about doing a good job for their client. I think its best when you have a regular team who know the house and the routines really well.