Long distance transport of elderly parents

[nythbran2]

We're moving my 80 year old in laws from Carmarthen area to Fife area. My Mother in Law needs a walker, and is quite confused, my father in law is started to struggle with mobility and very anxious. Train is out, and an over night stay on the way would also be too difficult. We have a small car and are considering hiring a very large car for the trip. Has anyone done similar and has advice?

Work out the route in advance and start as early as you can. Plan toilet and coffee / meal stops carefully and have several back ups just in case. Also take drinks and food with you. Have at least one other adult to help you, it’s not easy and 1 adult can not assist 2 people at once. We used our own car which was a big one at the time, so this wasn’t an issue for us. My DF found getting into / out of cars hard, particularly if they were low to the ground. Think about car access when renting, and how easy it will be for your in-laws. Also do make sure happy to drive whatever you rent!

Thanks! Our car is a polo, so too small I think. We need to fit in a walker and a bit of luggage. What was the car you used?

Do you have a budget? You could hire a car and driver, if funds allowed.

Funds are not unlimited. FiL does have an excellent pension and savings but is very close with the cash. We have little to spare atm. I think car hire will be manageable, but a driver would cost several hundred I'd assume.

That's a heck of a journey to do in one. Even in a large car, I'd plan for lots of stops so they can move around/use toilets/have drinks.

Also, I'd make sure that they had incontinence pads on just in case, and some sort of pressure cushion underneath them to prevent sores as they'll be sat in one place for a long time.

We used to have a 7 seater Renault scenic and that was great for getting my Dad in and out of.

Would flying bristol to Edinburgh with a family member and airport assistance at each end be an option?

otherwise it’s an extremely long drive to do without an overnight stop

Thank, will look into 7 seaters. Might take a bit of getting used to to drive, but could drive it down to get used to it. Pressure pads a good call too. Have incontinence pads already to hand.

I'm just wondering if the benefits of a larger hire car outweigh the disbenefits. Will you or your husband be happy driving a large unknown car for a fairly stressful 8 hour trip? You say your mother is confused and she could well become distressed during the trip so you want to keep it as 'easy' as possible for yourselves. Personally I'd prefer to do it in a familiar car.

I moved my mother to a care home near me (she had dementia). It was 'only' a 2.5 trip, there were two of us plus her in the car and that was fairly stressful. My mother was fairly complaint but she did become distressed and we had to stop at one point because she felt sick. We used my OH's normal medium sized car, my mother didn't have mobility aids so there was no 'kit' to transport.

Obviously, plan in a lunch stop and a couple of other comfort breaks. Be prepared for it to be a nightmare, and be glad if it's better than that!

Flying is out. Too far a drive from my I laws to gain much benefit and FiL is a very poor flyer

That's a big journey in one day - to be honest I would probably stay somewhere overnight if I was driving that far on my own, though I appreciate you've said that would be difficult.
I think in your shoes I would travel by train to their end so that you don't end up with a car stuck there, stay overnight so you can get an early start and schedule frequent stops. My elderly FIL lives about 3 hours away from us and if we are bringing him here we will stop at least twice for him to stretch his legs/go to the toilet. Do you have 2 drivers? That will make it a lot easier for you if so, then you can switch between driving and caring duties each time you stop.
I would agree with the PP who suggested a higher hire car too. We usually use my car which is an SUV when FIL is with us even though DH's car is a newer and more luxurious saloon that we find more comfortable. FIL really struggles to get in and out of DH's car. I wouldn't say he exactly leaps into mine, but it's definitely easier and he finds being in a higher up position more comfortable.
My other thought, and I can't decide whether this is a good idea or incredibly stupid, is have you thought about driving overnight? I guess it would depend on how likely your PILs are to go to sleep in the car. If they probably will sleep ok, and you have 2 drivers so you can sleep in shifts too, you could get a lot of miles under your belt whilst the roads are quieter. Obviously if they don't sleep and MIL gets more confused at night or it will worsen FILs anxiety to be out at night it's a non starter but I just thought it might be something worth considering.

Thanks very much! Driving overnight is a good suggestion. It would make the journey easier, they would sleep at least a bit.

Driving overnight or staying the night sounds good. I would not do this in one day. Also, a space cruiser (7 seater) would be good but give yourself a few days to get used to it.

My DB’s IL’s, FIL is a paraplegic and they now have a Ford car/small van which takes his electric wheelchair. MIL hates it though. They’re 80 and 76 respectively. I forget what they had before. When they go on long journeys (from SW UK to SW coast for ferry to France) they stay overnight at coast or travel early. They also do one or two stops. They take snacks and water but no hot drinks with them. They get those en route eg in petrol stations. But they usually get petrol beforehand. They also get anxious but are ok when on their way. Their son and DIL and their DC (5 and 8) usually travel with them.

Would they sleep in the car?

Not sure how they would sleep. They both nap a bit in the day, and FiL is a very poor sleeper at night. I think they would sleep more if we drove at night, or in the evening.

Dear OP,
My mum suffered from dementia. From the terrifying experience of having her undo her seatbelt and open the car door whilst it was moving can I suggest a car with child locks. Also consider some sort of baffle cover for the seatbelt clip if you think this might be an issue for your MIL. You might also consider a car handle to help them get in and out of the car:

https://www.careco.co.uk/car-handle/

Good luck x

My dad has that handle and it's very useful!

In terms of chauffeur-driven cars, OP - yes it would deffo be more expensive but I just wonder whether it would simplify things for you. It's the kind of thing I'd probably ask around for personal recommendations for though.

If you drive overnight, that means the driver will be missing a night's sleep. It is a very long journey and I'd want to be as alert as possible which isn't likely at 2am.

I would not bank on them sleeping in the car. They may doze, but whatever the time of day it is likely your MIL will become distressed because a long journey in the car will be out of her routine, and confusing and frightening for her.

It is a long journey, but we do know the roads very well now. Avoiding doing the trip every few weeks is one of The reasons for the move. I think Mil would find a hotel tricky. We will have the new flat all set up as like their current place as possible so I am tempted to try to get though it in one day. Maybe early start, long lunch break, encouraging naps in the car. Will look into the cost of a driver but will not stint on large, comfortable car. Thanks for note about child locks!

I drove my 80 yo MiL from Hertfordshire to West Yorkshire in one day. She had dementia and we were moving her, against her wishes, to our house. DH and I went down in two vehicles. I took her and a couple of suitcases of clothing; DH drove a small van and took furniture and other things. We had our downstairs set up to resemble her living space as much as possible. She slept for most of the drive and I stopped two or three times for the loo and refreshments.The familiarity of having her chair in relatively the same place in relation to a window and the telly were helpful. We had already purchased a new bed and things for her. DH got back before me (drove faster and no stops) and had everything set up when I arrived. She thought she was going for a day or short visit and for a while, once we got her settled in our house, she would get disturbed and demand to "go home". This ebbed after a while.

Inflatable neck pillows might help to support their heads and encourage comfortable sleep on the journey. A blanket over the seat belt might also help them be comfortable.

I'd check which service stations or restaurants will be open at the time of your journey as some close overnight.