Advice for Aged parent help in NI

[ilovepixie]

I live in Northern Ireland with my mother who is 79. Two years ago she had a stroke , a bleed on the brain and a blood clot on the brain.
She was in hospital for 2 week and was then discharged.
That night she fell down the stairs and broke a small bone in her neck. She was in hospital for another 2 weeks.
She was then discharged home and my sister moved in to help look after her.
My mum can walk, but can’t use stairs so we moved her bed into the living room where she now sleeps with my sister in another bed as mum needs someone with her as she gets confused and agitated easily.
We had an occupational therapist and a stroke nurse out when she was first discharged but they say she is ok as she is being looked after at home.
She has memory issues, she can’t remember where she is, can’t remember where the toilet is, if she watches something on TV she thinks it’s in the house, for example watching The Nativity she thought baby Jesus was in our house. This isn’t all the time but happens most evenings, in the mornings she’s a lot more alert. Is able to make her tea and toast for example.
She was referred to the memory clinic in Antrim but they say it’s not dementia just brain damage and they can’t help.
She hasn’t had a bath or shower in over 2 years as she can’t get into the bath. We have asked the housing to make the bathroom accessible but have not heard anything from them. They just say they need to talk to the Occupational health.
Just wondering if anyone has anyone we can ask for help and advice
Thank you for reading.

@ilovepixie I am not in NI but I’m posting and hoping for you that someone who knows how things work there will be along shortly.

It all sounds very difficult and that you and your sister aren’t getting much help, you end up feeling punished for being helpful.

We found that no one service looks at the whole picture and they will each let you run yourselves into the ground unless you make it very clear things are unsustainable, and keep on at the different NHS teams and council services to get needs assessed and help sorted out. Wishing you energy and stamina.

Hey @ilovepixie sorry to hear this. Glad ur mum has you all looking after her. You need to keep at the housing to get a downstairs bathroom.

Do you get any social care support?

She’s needs a social worker. Some gp surgeries have one attached and can direct you to services.
otherwise contact social work directly.
You are also entitled to a caters assessment for yourself/sister.
do you have any package of care?
rented or owned house - makes a difference for adaptations.
stroke charity often a good source of support.
If you say which health social care trust we might be able to direct more?

Yes absolutely entitled to a carers assessment. She could potentially get two carers 4 x times a day for personal care and company.

You may always be entitled to carers allowance/attendance allowance. There's also an option for direct payments for caring.

You need to ring social services whether your belfast south eastern or northern trust. Ask who her social worker is. A big tip is don't say you're willing to do everything for mum (even though you are) the social workers love that and makes the job very easy for them

We get no support or care package at all. It’s like we have been forgotten about, left alone to do it all ourself without help. It’s a housing executive house.

It’s so weird the way she is, She’s so confused about some things and as sharp as a tack about others. Tonight she couldn’t remember how to turn over the TV or where the toilet is. But in the next breath was able to say Man United is 5th in the league! I had to check and they are!