When you need residential care for one

[jeaux90]

Does anyone have advice around what the options are when you have two parents that need a lot of care but one with severe dementia?

We managed so far in their own home. Daily carers, retired sister taking most of the burden though.

My father now is getting so bad it's impossible to keep going as we are but want to make sure my mother can stay at home.

They don't have much savings just their house as an asset. I just don't know what to do for the best for everyone.

Any advice would be so appreciated

AGE UK are brilliant t for this sort of advice. They are lovely on the phone as well as providing leaflets and a good website. If your mum has less than £23,500 in savings then she will not have to pay for her care home when the time comes. They will however take her State Pension, plus half of any personal pension. They will leave her some money for personal spending. They will not have to sell the house while your Father still lives there.

If you don’t have POAs for your Father, I would get that sorted quickly. Also you might check with LA to see if your Father is entitled to carers.

Also they might both be able to Qualify Attendance Allowance at the lower rate. When you send in the form, ensure that you include all their current medications. This backs up what illnesses they are suffering from. Do this for them both immediately, because it is backdated to when you first make your claim.

If SS accept that he needs residential care, then they will pay subject to a financial assessment of his means and assets, which will exclude the house because that is still required by your mother. As long as the house is still occupied by a partner then it is excluded from the means test. Your mother can't be forced to sell the home to pay for his care.

(Though check what happens of your mother moves house - in that case it may be that your father's share of the house will be assessed, in which case your mother might not have enough money left to buy a new house).

You won't have so much choice of home if the Council are paying - only those with which the Council has a contract. But the best homes aren't necessarily the most expensive. Keep an open mind. You don't need wonderful facilities for dementia so much as caring, dementia-trained staff.

I don't think you can get Attendance Allowance for your father if the Council are contributing to the cost of his care - check this.

Ours has two live in carers. Round the clock care, fed like a queen, she seems better than ever for it.

Only an option if you can find the money though.

Thank you for the advice. It's my father that might need to go into care. We can manage my mum at home but are worried he will end up in an awful place and deterioration will happen. He has daily care, and my sister stays over a lot but he's got to a difficult point where we don't think it's sustainable.

Live in full time care would be best but it's just not affordable.

My mum went into care and it saved her life. She went in as an emergency case. If I had been given the choice, I probably would not have chosen that home, as it seemed very old-fashioned and a bit dark and gloomy.

As things turned out it was exactly what she needed. Other homes we looked at later were very bright and clinical,and would not have suited her.

The home had been going for over £20 years with long established staff who were very kind to her. The Manager was quite a young man and he had is office in the main residents lounge where he could see all that was happening.

She was very happy there, but I fully understand your dread. It is so hard for us to know what goes in these homes when we are not there.

My father was an emergency admission into care. Two care homes that the Council had dealings with had a vacancy - the one that were nearest to us came out within the hour to assess him.The decision to go into a home was taken about 2.30pm, we delivered him to the home at 6pm. He's still there and flourishing nearly a year later.

Things I've learnt: that the amount you pay doesn't necessarily correlate with quality of care; that facilities are less important than stability of staff and a happy working environment (which knocks on to good care); and above all that things you think would be important aren't necessarily at all important to someone in their last few years.

I was thinking about moving him asap - but a) he takes a mental downturn every time there's a change b) the staff all know him and like him. I think that's more important than almost anything.

So my advice would be a) research homes and compile a black list of horrors that you wouldn't want him in b) but otherwise relax, and rest assured that his going into a home isn't going to deprive your mother of her home.