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Elderly parents
Original poster

The second new shiny 2019 thread ...

961 replies

MereDintofPandiculation · 14/03/2019 21:28

... for anyone caring for elderly parents. Come and join us to ask for, or to give, sympathy, ask for advice, or have a good rant.

OP posts:
MereDintofPandiculation · 29/04/2019 10:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RosaWaiting · 29/04/2019 10:48

yolo I'm sorry

if it makes you feel any better, I was at my parents' house years ago, chatting with mum in the kitchen. After a while, mum thought she hadn't seen dad for a long time - he was passed out in another room.

Charley the MN defence is probably used all the time for people with no alibi. "You can check my computer officer, I was arguing about weddings on AIBU for 4 hours solid".

MoreCheerfulMonica · 29/04/2019 13:08

I’m sorry too, yolo. As a wise person said on this thread some time ago, we’re all doing our best with the resources available to us at the time.

MoreCheerfulMonica · 29/04/2019 13:10

And which Dint in fact said this morning. Oops.

yolofish · 29/04/2019 13:23

thank you all, I think I might have overshared so those kind people at MNHQ have removed it for me!

RosaWaiting · 29/04/2019 13:51

I'm having a guilt attack because I was supposed to spend the afternoon helping mum with something

Just as I was leaving I realised that it wasn't in fact boiling hot and that I have a fever and a sore throat. I thought I felt a bit odd yesterday.

so I rang her and she said "well I'm not bothered if I catch a bug, don't worry, I won't catch a bug" and I said "hmm, but I don't want this turning into a full on lurgy". She was fine about it, I have asthma so it often is best to nip things in the bud, but I feel bad now as she probably wanted the company as well as the help.

Original poster
MereDintofPandiculation · 29/04/2019 17:26

yolo I've asked for mine to be removed too as it 's a bit too specific about yours.

OP posts:
yolofish · 29/04/2019 17:46

no worries dint now back to charley and the patio option! that is a JOKE in case Daily Heil/MI5 etc are monitoring us lot wittering on about oldies...

rosa wise decision, I hope you feel better soon.

did some work this morning, been in the garden all afternoon - shattered and filthy (oo er missus) so heading for a bath now. totally sentimental, but love you lot on here xx

Original poster
MereDintofPandiculation · 29/04/2019 20:22

One of the wonderful things about this place is hearing about other people's problems make you appreciate your own elder a bit more. Mine might be stubborn and completely unaware of the havoc he causes, but he's got a lot of good points too.

OP posts:
Fortysix · 29/04/2019 20:44

I’ve not seen any posts from @Grace212 for quite a while. I do hope she’s busy with other projects which have her attention.

Original poster
MereDintofPandiculation · 29/04/2019 21:05

I’ve not seen any posts from @Grace212 for quite a while Yep, I said that a week ago, so it has been a while - though searching her posts reveals she last posted 25th March. I wondered about a pm, but thought it might be a bit intrusive.

OP posts:
thesandwich · 29/04/2019 21:20

rosa wise call. Don’t feel guilty.
Still deep in the trenches here but dm improving a bit with battles ahead re carers to come.....
can’t namecheck all but I am following all your struggles.
Sending 🌺🌺🍫🍫🥃🥃🍷🍷and a bucketload of cockroaches to all.
Than’ you for all your support

yolofish · 30/04/2019 23:03

also hope grace is doing ok.

The fields of oilseed rape everywhere remind me of DM: she constantly blamed them for giving her asthma (she didnt actually have asthma... Grin)!

DD2 and her friends are going to a memorial service on Thurs for the friend that hung herself at the uni she attended. Then there is another one up here on Fri (which I cant go to but loads of the school staff will). Then at least 2 planned in the USA. Inquest has not happened yet, but I assume from what I know that the cause is pretty straightforward, and therefore the body will have been released etc? I cannot think of that poor girl, and her family, without wanting to break down - it has really hit me hard, and I am watching both my DDs ment al health like a hawk.

Grace212 · 01/05/2019 16:02

hello all

sorry for the struggles

I'm okay but battling major overload on human contact frankly. Obviously this is nothing compared to what you all are dealing with but just to say don't worry about me, appreciate you thinking of me.

MintyCedric · 01/05/2019 18:33

Flowers Grace

I can understand that, take care of yourself

thesandwich · 01/05/2019 19:31

yolo sending hugs.
grace 🌺🌺 thinking of you.

Original poster
MereDintofPandiculation · 02/05/2019 09:51

Grace Thanks for the update. Look after yourself. And remember we're with you in spirit. Flowers Gin

OP posts:
yolofish · 02/05/2019 22:40

self indulgent moan: I am 58 tomorrow, the first birthday I've ever had without my mum. And she was a bloody PITA in her later years, and her last 5 months were so bloody awful, but because of DH cancer, I've never had the chance to grieve for her. And I miss how she was, how funny she was, how supportive she could be, her take on life really before she became so... lesser, I suppose as she got frailer and frailer. I want my real mum back!

thesandwich · 03/05/2019 08:06

Oh yolo I am so sorry. Sending you the hugest birthday hugxxx

Original poster
MereDintofPandiculation · 03/05/2019 08:08

yolo yes, anniversaries and regular recurring events are when you really miss people you love. You'll find that the further you go on, the more your real mum comes into your memories, and the less dominant the final few months seem, and that is a positive.

OP posts:
RosaWaiting · 03/05/2019 09:17

Yolo, all good birthday wishes to you Flowers

yolofish · 03/05/2019 15:49

Thank you. It's funny though, Christmas wasn't an issue.

RosaWaiting · 03/05/2019 17:56

Yolo I don't really do Xmas but birthdays are important to me so that would be a bigger deal.

have you got plans of any kind?

I was out with some friends last night and one of them observed how great my mum is. He is barely in touch with either of his parents. It made me feel quite guilty moaning, my mum is great. I think sometimes ordinary life is so fast paced, spending time with mum feels a bit weird which is silly really.

RosaWaiting · 04/05/2019 17:26

hope everyone is managing okay with their aged ps

I am wondering something weird....is it ever possible for counselling to be anonymous?

I am finding it hard watching mum age and I panic over every stupid thing. Like today she bought the wrong buns in the supermarket. I know that's ridiculous to worry about ...it's a mistake I could have made.

but generally I do find watching a parent decline very hard. I was wondering about anonymous counselling which would have to be paid in cash I guess, because my mum is a figure in the local community. I suppose there's a risk of going anywhere in the local community but I also don't want to trek miles for therapy.

I tried to talk to my sister about it today. She thinks therapy would be good for me as well. she finds it easy to shrug off "well mum is old" but it makes me very anxious. I don't know what exactly that is about.

FinallyHere · 04/05/2019 20:25

Rosa how would you feel about talking to someone via Skype ? That would give you access to people beyond your immediate community.

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