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Elderly parents
Original poster

The second new shiny 2019 thread ...

961 replies

MereDintofPandiculation · 14/03/2019 21:28

... for anyone caring for elderly parents. Come and join us to ask for, or to give, sympathy, ask for advice, or have a good rant.

OP posts:
yolofish · 27/04/2019 22:21

hang on in there sandwich xx

MintyCedric · 28/04/2019 00:05

Chocolate, wine and cockroaches to all.

Mere I hope you managed to get at least some of your day. The green button thing is actually really handy to know. My dad is rubbish with tech but has an old skool mobile and could do that in the event of an emergency.

I had a day out today to meet some friends from another part of MN (about 90 mins from home as central for all of us). Didn't tell mum until I was just about to leave...cue epic meltdown on her part.

I went, anyway and had a good time and mum seems to be bellowing now I'm back ok.

I can only assume she thinks I should do nothing apart from work and be on call for them 24/7 from around the corner...oh dear.

Original poster
MereDintofPandiculation · 28/04/2019 06:11

Minty Yes thanks - I left nursing home to deal with it secure in knowledge he was having a visit from his DS.

Your mistake was telling your Mum - you should have explained you had an Important Meeting. If you keep away from details you don't need to actively lie.

OP posts:
MintyCedric · 28/04/2019 08:41

That's good Mere.

You're probably right about not telling her. I do try to get away with minimal information but she has a way of digging!

I started with 'just to let you know I won't be around much today as I'm meeting some friends for a long lunch...'

Mum: "Where"

Me: shit!

Tbh she has very long-standing, deep seated issues with people she loves not being close at hand anyway. I deliberately don't tell her things until the last minute so she has less time to stress (and have a go at me).

RosaWaiting · 28/04/2019 10:24

Minty

I know everyone's got to wrangle their folks the way they have to....

I wonder why she's having a go at you? My mum actually prefers to be told "I'm not around on these dates". I actually used to put them on her calendar, but then she said "actually don't worry about that, you should just live your life as you would" - she doesn't have any health issues other than general frailty IYSWIM.

I see you want your mum to have less time to "have a go" at you but I'm wondering why she'd have a go at you anyway?

contrary to what's usually said, life can be very very long, especially in the context of oldie wrangling. I would think it's worth a final effort to close down that kind of behaviour - but apologies if you have tried 100x already!

sandwich sending you....pillows? There's no emoji.

MintyCedric · 28/04/2019 10:47

Rosa my mum is a very, ahem, complex woman Grin.

More issues than Vogue and in many instances for good reason. I don't think there a great deal to be done with regards to her behaviour. She's had and is currently having counselling, but of course they will only hear things and be able to advise from her somewhat skewed perspective.

Yesterday wasn't too bad. We had a much lesser flare up last weekend which was much harder to cope with as I was stressed about returning to work and had raging PMT.

All I can do is just try to cope with things as they occur and find ways of managing my own reactions.

RosaWaiting · 28/04/2019 11:47

Minty I noticed you used the word "bellows"? I must admit, I don't deal with shouters at all, I just refuse to.

MintyCedric · 28/04/2019 13:48

Ah Rosa...that was a typo...meant to say she was already mellowing now I was back Grin.

Tbf she doesn't really do shouting/swearing either

RosaWaiting · 28/04/2019 17:00

Minty oh, that's a relief! Grin

Original poster
MereDintofPandiculation · 28/04/2019 21:32

The nursing home have solved the problem with my dad phoning me...they've put his mobile phone through the washing machine!

OP posts:
yolofish · 28/04/2019 21:53

snort Dint !!! fantastic, did it have his name on it?!!

thesandwich · 28/04/2019 22:02

Oh dint 😮😮😮

MrsBertBibby · 28/04/2019 22:14

Top marks to that home!

Cockroaches to all. I am in a state of gibbering knackeredness and frustration after a long Easter with very old US friends visiting the parents, and being duly distressed by mum's decline, and my annoying sister prancing around performing the caring daughter when she is in fact rarely present. But of course invaded the house whilst they had guests.

Meanwhile the other, overseas sister has been in the country for nearly a month, (including engineering herself a nice private, old crock free escapade with the friends,) and will bestow 36 whole hours on our parents. Whilst insisting she check out the nursing home Dad and I have found. Because obviously....what? She'll find another superior one on her flying visit? Of 36 poxy hours?

Fuck. I feel like a bloody jealous bratty ungracious kid but I want people to see that they are fucking tourists here.

yolofish · 28/04/2019 22:19

mrsbert - kill them both and bury them under the patio of the chosen nursing home. (I may have had Wine but sounds like a plan??)

MrsBertBibby · 28/04/2019 22:30

Heh, me too, and it does!

Original poster
MereDintofPandiculation · 28/04/2019 22:31

yolo unfortunately they're buying him a new one. They've hung on to it to make sure they get the same model

OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 28/04/2019 22:34

Tell them to give the cash to you, dint.

yolofish · 28/04/2019 22:35

oh jesus dint then your only hope is to make sure your number is not top of the list - I would suggest finding someone you really want to piss off? we have a local restaurant whose number is one digit different from ours, if I had had the foresight I might have changed the number on DM's phone to that one. OTH , it wouldnt have made much difference as she could neither hear herself talking nor the person (me) answering, so I always ended up calling back whichever facility she was in anyway - not that it made much difference.

Charley50 · 28/04/2019 23:10

Maybe we should do a mass smothering and be each other's alibis.
I didn't say that.

yolofish · 28/04/2019 23:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsBertBibby · 28/04/2019 23:40

Oh yolo. Huge hugs.

Charley50 · 29/04/2019 07:02

Yolo Thanks big hugs to you.

thesandwich · 29/04/2019 08:39

Oh yolo 🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺 the hugest of hugs to you.

maddywest · 29/04/2019 09:02

yolo it's ok. Really, it's ok. Don't let the one thing you didn't do haunt you when you did so so much. xx

FinallyHere · 29/04/2019 09:13

{{{{{yolo}}}}}