Parents losing interest

[PirateWeasel]

At what point did your parents lose interest in you as a person? I mean, a person with their own life. Mine are now at the point where they just don't seem to care about anything much beyond their own little world. I know they still love me and enjoy my visits, but it's heartbreaking that they don't take an interest in my or my sister's lives any more. It's almost like we don't exist once we leave their house/put the phone down, and while we're there we're just sounding boards for their news...i.e. latest hospital appointments, state of the garden, which of their friends (who we don't know) has just died...

Can anyone relate?

My father will ask questions of me but not listen to the answers. I've realised that what's happening is that he listens to the radio all day, but doesn't get much chance to talk. So when he sees me all he wants to do is talk, and since he's housebound at the moment, he talks about neighbours and about the progress of the housebuilding at the end of the road.

What I do is email him news about the family, and then when i see him, he talks about that as well.

But when I'm with him, his interest in my life is overwhelmed by his need to talk about his life. It's not that he isn't interested, it is that he has a greater need.

You would like your parents to take an interest in your life, but their life is hospital appointments, the garden, and dying friends. They'd like you to take an interest in their life too.

My mother did a few years ago. It is a shame as she has no real interest in her grandchildren. She is about 75. I visit less and less for this reason particularly as her lack of interest extends to not buying them anything to eat when we go to stay.

My parents lost interest in me around my early 20s (when I stood up to them and refused to let them control my life anymore). They then took an interest in the DC when they were born, to predictably lose interest again once the DC got past the cute stage and started forming their own opinions. They did exactly the same with my brother and his DC and to make the point even further, then moved to the far end of the country and now refuse to travel to see us, putting all the onus on us.
Of course I know they can live their own lives, but it still hurts.

Yes my parents lost interest in my life and my DC lives a long time ago
I think less going out, less friends and general stagnation has destroyed their social skills
They just can’t relate to me or my life anymore
Then recently with stroke and dementia they can’t at all!
The only interest they have is if I go away anywhere and they like me to email them photos as they can relate to that
Sometimes they ask things like ‘are you busy at work?’ But then don’t wait for an answer and as I know they are not interested I just go oh works ok
They don’t know what I do anyway despite having done it for over 20 years

Dm died last year at 97 and was interested in us all right to the day she died.

Could not this be a start of dementia?

Also my GM started to get like this when her hearing started to go (and she refused to wear her hearing aid). So she could talk about what she knew, but as she couldn’t hear what we were saying she couldn’t join in the conversation, so didn’t really show much interest.

Their lives can also become very narrow, so what seems boring to us, is quite big news for them

My dad lost interest about 75, and at 80 can just about summon up interest in my chickens tbh. Mum has dementia and was interested until she didn't know us or was very limited in her speech. It's very hard having living parents with zero interest in me or ds