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Elderly parents

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Original poster

Took 80 year old Father to GP

13 replies

sunglasses123 · 31/12/2018 20:04

They have made an urgent referral to social services due to state of his house and dementia on 19 December. How long should I wait before chasing. Sorry - new to all this!

OP posts:

cheesywotnots · 31/12/2018 20:08

Sorry to hear this, where is your df at the moment. Who made the referral, the doctor? Social services have probably been closed due the holidays, is he safe at the moment.

Original poster

sunglasses123 · 31/12/2018 20:21

He is in his home. I am over 100 miles away. I’m just thought when the GP said urgent referral it would be a couple of days not a couple of weeks.

OP posts:

Original poster

sunglasses123 · 31/12/2018 20:22

He is as safe as he can be as he refused help previously but now accepts a care home is the best option. He will self fund. Money isn’t an issue

OP posts:

Bumblebeebuzzybee · 31/12/2018 20:24

Yes definitely chase up as soon as possible - they should be taking calls tomorrow but you might have better luck speaking to someone on the 2nd. You'll be able to find the number for your local social services online - you can make your own referral if the GP hasn't done theirs yet.

GrowThroughWhatYouGoThrough · 31/12/2018 20:27

I would research the homes in the area. If u can I would turn up at the ones you are interested in and go from there. If he has money then you will be going privately and social don't need to do the referral for you to get him into a home.

Bumblebeebuzzybee · 31/12/2018 20:27

Just noticed your post about self funding - I think he could arrange the care home placement himself (or with family help) then. This would involve viewing the homes he'd like to consider then setting up a private arrangement with the one he chooses - you don't have to go through social services for that.

Original poster

sunglasses123 · 31/12/2018 20:33

It’s just so overwhelming. We aren’t close but I absolutely need to help and support. Sorry, long and boring back story. I have found a company that can help. As I said before (sorry!) money isn’t an issue.

OP posts:

cheesywotnots · 31/12/2018 20:34

Like others have said, try and call them tomorrow. Do you have power of attorney for him. If he is self funding he may not need to go through social services but the home will need to know what his needs are before they take him. You could ask the g.p. what the referral was for, there might be an on call duty social worker available who hopefully has his details. It might also depend on how the g.p. sent the referral.

marmiteloversunite · 31/12/2018 20:36

Definitely start looking at homes that keep residents with dementia. Some will take mild dementia but will move residents on if they can't cope. That can be very upsetting.

marmiteloversunite · 31/12/2018 20:39

Also you say that money isn't an issue but long term care can start at £700/800 a week and go up past a thousand for nursing care. So a long term plan is good.

thesandwich · 31/12/2018 21:20

Might be worth asking at the gp surgery they may be able to suggest which ones to look at- not allowed to reccomend.... or any contacts you have in the area.

Bumblebeebuzzybee · 01/01/2019 08:21

You could also try the charity Age UK - I think some local branches have lists of care home vacancies and would be able to advise you on the process of moving to a care home which may help you feel less overwhelmed by it all

Catsrus · 01/01/2019 09:15

If you're self funding then you cut out social services, find a home yourself. I would really recommend a home near to you at this point, sell his home now, release the capital. I moved my parents 300 miles to be near me in their last few years, it made a huge difference to be able to pop in before or after work. I've got a friend who's had a horrendous time in the past two years, up and down the M1, round the M25, trying to visit and support her parents. She's retired fortunately, she couldn't have done this whike she was still working.

I'm not saying it was easy when my parents were dying, but I carried on working, no overnights or trying to negotiate care with faceless people on the phone. I got to know the staff in the nursing home where my mother was, if she was sleeping I could chat to them about how she was doing.

Good luck.

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