Letter of authority - would this work

[Pleasemrstweedie]

MIL is now housebound and increasingly frail and confused, but flatly refusing any help.

This leads to periodic crises which usually involve DH having to speak to her GP's surgery. As he does not have Power of Attorney, this can be tricky, so would there be any mileage in preparing a letter and getting MIL to sign it to say that the GP is authorised to speak to DH about her health?

Would they take any notice of it?

Yes I think this would hep, I have had to do the same with 2 relatives and the GP practice did accept the letters and was willing to communicate with me. It would probably be even better if MIL went into the practice with you and gave her permission verbally, but given that she is housebound it's probably difficult/ not possible.

When I first took my dad to the doctors, he has Alzheimer's, the GP suggested I see the practice manager after the appointment, to give them my details as next of kin/carer. I also did it for my step mum. It meant I could speak on their behalf, get test results ect. Might be worth having a chat with the practice manager to ask what they require.

Yes, that should work - it worked for me when I did one for my DM's GP. I also took her for an assessment, which started the ball rolling on getting her diagnosis of dementia.

I initially rang, explained the situation to one of the lovely receptionists and asked if I could make an appointment for DM, with me accompanying. I also got DM to agree to go! We took the letter with us.

He does need to get POA sorted though for when things get more difficult.

Thanks everyone. We'll get this organised in the new year.

I don't think there is any point in talking about PoA. I know it's the best idea, but DH has two siblings who are in complete denial about their mother's decline.

It's very difficult.

All the more reason to get poa if siblings are in denial.
The only people it would concern would be mil and your dh, and have nothing to do with anyone else.
I did it for my Dad as he was concerned about not being mentally capable of making decisions.
Sadly he died before it came through, it was cancer and not mh in the end.
My siblings weren't happy, but somebody needed to do it and he wanted me to.
I do recommend getting mil to agree to it if you possibly can, especially as it sounds like your dh does more practical stuff than his siblings.
There are two types one for finances and the other for welfare. He will need both if he needs to make decisions for care and finances.

Thanks. That's helpful. I agree that PoA would be appropriate, but MIL is still refusing to acknowledge her increasing physical and mental frailty and the family dynamics are such that it just won't happen. DH will then be expected to sort out the resulting mess, which in effect means I will have to sort it.

Since I posted before, I have drafted a letter of authority, but DH has not spoken to MIL about it.

In the meantime, DH has spoken to his DSis about PoA and she’s fine with him having it, but his DB has not returned his call, even though he left a message saying it was important. Family dynamics are such that DH really needs to make his DB aware of what he proposes to do to stop DSiL having a go. DH hasn’t spoken to MIL about this either and I’m afraid she may turn it down as she has turned down all other offers of help.

We have had another problem in that MIL called us last week to say that she had run out of medication and the GP had told her she could not have any more until she had a blood test. She was getting very stressed because she is housebound and cannot go to get a blood test done. Apparently SIL knew this and had done nothing about it.

DH contacted the GP and the pharmacy and was told that in fact MIL should have two months medication in hand and that the District Nurse has arranged to go round and take her blood in a couple of weeks. MIL said that this was not so and got quite aggressive with DH, which rattled him a bit. She also said that they don’t like her at the surgery and they discriminate against her because of her accent, which sounded a bit odd to me.

Anyway, they dispensed some more medication, so she has some now and DH has decided that someone at the surgery keeps getting it wrong!

I’ve now had to step back from this because it looks as if DH and his DB are in denial and his DSis isn’t really bothered.

Thank you everyone for your advice.