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Elderly parents
Original poster

Both DH's parents have died

29 replies

WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo · 24/12/2014 21:06

DH's dad died last Tuesday and his mum died on Monday. We're finding it very hard to cope. I know we have each other for support but it's seems so hard.
One death is hard, how do we cope with 2? And Christmas is tomorrow, we have 2 funerals to arrange, 2 wills...
They have been my parents too for 25 years.

OP posts:
Stealthpolarbear · 24/12/2014 21:07

So sorry :(

WhirlyTwirlySnowflakes · 24/12/2014 21:07

I'm so sorry Where that's awful. My sincere condolences.

PotteringAlong · 24/12/2014 21:10

Oh my lovely, I'm so sorry. That must be so tough. How's your DH (if that's not a stupid question)?

Original poster
WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo · 24/12/2014 21:11

Thank you. I'm a firm believer in 'having a good innings' when loved ones die in their eighties, but I've been totally blindsided by the two deaths.

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Finola1step · 24/12/2014 21:12

I'm so very sorry for your loss. We too are arranging my MILs funeral which is so hard. But even so, I can't begin to imagine how you must be feeling. Do you have real life support?

Trumpton · 24/12/2014 21:12

Oh bless you that's so hard.

silverfingersandtoes · 24/12/2014 21:13

Terrible for you and for DH, but maybe easier for his parents? Neither one has to grieve for the other.
All my sympathy Flowers

Original poster
WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo · 24/12/2014 21:13

DH is slightly panicky about what needs to be done but I think he's bottling it all up.
I have symptoms of shock and stress.

OP posts:
meandjulio · 24/12/2014 21:14

Sad so sorry to hear this. Very hard for you both.

storytopper · 24/12/2014 21:15

Sorry to hear that, OP.

My DH's dad died on Christmas Day a few years ago so have a bit of an idea of what you are going through - must be extra difficult for your DH and you to lose both parents.

I hope they both had long and happy lives.

Only positive thing that can be said - one won't be left behind to miss the other.

threepiecesuite · 24/12/2014 21:16

Sending sympathy to you both Thanks It must be so hard.

MIL passed away this week suddenly, so Christmas is passing us by this year.

Varya · 24/12/2014 21:18

Feel for you both, at this time.

WhirlyTwirlySnowflakes · 24/12/2014 21:18

The funeral directors will help you through it. They are usually very kind.

You can't do anything for the next couple of days at any rate so you have some breathing room to process everything.

It's an extremely hard time of the year to lose anyone let alone both your parents. Tomorrow will be very difficult but perhaps focus on happy memories of Christmas' past.

Flowers
PunkrockerGirl · 24/12/2014 21:19

So sorry Flowers

Topseyt · 24/12/2014 21:38

I am so sorry. The two of them in such quick succession must be awful.

I doubt that there is anything I can say to really help, but know that people are thinking of you.

We lost my MIL earlier this year. Hubby has been very introspective today. Partly the stress of a bad couple of weeks at work, but also I think because it is the first Christmas without either of his parents (his dad died in 2002).

Try not to get too tense about the funeral, though I know that is easy to say from afar. Discuss all of your wishes and concerns with the funeral directors. They will want to meet with you soon. They have seen it all before and are well placed to guide you, sensitively and also in terms of practicalities. They are unlikely to be open for normal business over the next couple of days, beyond what is basically necessary for now, but they should be able to reassure your husband and begin putting the desired arrangements in place next week sometime (I assume).

Original poster
WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo · 24/12/2014 21:40

Thank you everyone. I'm just feeling sorry for myself tonight and I am just so tired all of the time.

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 24/12/2014 21:46

That's understandable and allowed. Do you have DC? How old? How much do you have to do tomorrow or can it pass you by?

Needmoresleep · 24/12/2014 23:21

Flowers Flowers Flowers

How tough. And the week before Christmas as well.

I understand it is not uncommon for an elderly person to die within six months of their spouse. Even if they were in previously good health. But hard for you, your DH and your DC.

wtffgs · 24/12/2014 23:38

I am so sorry Thanks

Pancakeflipper · 24/12/2014 23:43

Sending you unMNing hugs. That's hard to deal with at anytime but Christmas makes it harder with it jolliness and not being as able to sort out practical stuff. You will get through it though, just hope it's not too tough for you.

MisForMumNotMaid · 24/12/2014 23:45

So sorry for your losses.

citizens advice has some basic what to do guides that may help you start a to do list when you feel ready.

Original poster
WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo · 25/12/2014 00:11

Adult dc, so not much to do. We have a tiny family so don't make a fuss at Christmas. It's a 2 day thing only for us.
It's been nice to get your kind thoughts.
I buried my gran and my mum last year and I executed both wills and organised the funerals so I do know what to do, my DH is the panicker!

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TheMightyMing · 25/12/2014 00:18

So sorry for your losses, may they both RIP xx

PotteringAlong · 26/12/2014 19:28

I hope the last two days have passed reasonably well for you and your DH, OP.

Original poster
WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo · 27/12/2014 19:02

Thank you pottering. We've done some house clearing and are meeting the funeral director again on Monday and the person who is conducting the funeral on Tuesday. All coming together.

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