Another care home exposé - terrified about my mother going into one

[FreckledLeopard]

So I've just read another story about another nursing home with the elderly being abused - here's a link to the Independent

My mother has vascular dementia. She's currently in sheltered accommodation but it's looking as if she'll have to go into a nursing home some time in the next few years. I work full time, am an only child and don't know how I'd care for her if she were to live with me. I suppose I could get a carers in ?

I really don't know what to do for the best? Are there any nursing homes that don't pay minimum wage and who recruit people who actually care about the patients? Is it worth looking for a care home with CCTV in each room so that I can be sure that nothing untoward happens?

The thought of someone abusing a vulnerable, elderly person is just absolutely horrific and it seems to happen so often. I cannot tolerate the idea it could happen to my mother.

Anyone else in a similar situation? How does one know what to do for the best?

I suppose I'm a step further on from you, in that I was faced a year ago with that decision, and I couldn't face putting my 92 yr old mum into a home. So she's at home with us, and our dining room is now her bedsit, complete with commode, as she can't do stairs.

It certainly hasn't been easy for any of us. I had to cut down my hours at work, and it has impacted on our freedom to go out and about as a family (we have 3 dc 20, 17 and 9). A spontaneous day out is no longer possible, as we have to get someone in for mum if we're going to be out for longer than a couple of hours (we're lucky that she is ok on her own for a while as no dementia, but poor mobility, and can't get snacks/drinks for herself or move around much).

Like you, I would love to find a nursing home I could trust, if only for respite care for mum, but she's been in a few when we've gone away, and they've all been awful. The elderly aren't treated as people who have led full, interesting, sometimes fascinating lives and been through all human dramas like everyone, and brought up families. They're either patronised and spoken to like toddlers, or regarded with contempt as unappealing nuisances. It makes me weep.

I do feel for you, op. It's such a hard decision to have to make. I don't know your mother's financial position, but a live-in carer can be cheaper than a home, and you would feel you had more control over who was caring for her. We're thinking of this option when we
go away for a week in the summer.

I do hope you find a workable solution to your dilemma. FWIW, I think CCTV cameras are a wonderful idea.

My Mother is in one and we're looking to move her to another one (geographical reasons ) which I'm looking at tomorrow. I understand the fear.

The one I'm looking at tomorrow is run by a Charitable Trust and I haven't heard a bad word about it. At the risk of sounding like a stalker your name is familiar and I have a feeling it is because you moved with you child to a place near where I used to live and it stuck in my mind. Could be totally wrong and apologies if so. If I'm right, the place I'm looking at is up that way and I'd be happy to PM you the name of it. Some other MNetters have had good experiences with it I understand.

My Mother is in one and we're looking to move her to another one (geographical reasons ) which I'm looking at tomorrow. I understand the fear.

The one I'm looking at tomorrow is run by a Charitable Trust and I haven't heard a bad word about it. At the risk of sounding like a stalker your name is familiar and I have a feeling it is because you moved with you child to a place near where I used to live and it stuck in my mind. Could be totally wrong and apologies if so. If I'm right, the place I'm looking at is up that way and I'd be happy to PM you the name of it. Some other MNetters have had good experiences with it I understand.

Oops !

the recent care home stories are beyond awful, aren't they

such a hard decision to make...what to do.

My fil is in a really good one where staff treat residents well- yet we are looking at moving. Mil as the building is good but care patcy... It can be done with research. We saw a lot. Good luck but remember you and your doc have a life too.

My experience of my mum's home was very positive. A fantastic bunch of loving carers who treated residents with respect and affection, lots of kisses, cuddles and fun as well as brill professional care.

Visit lots and you will get a feel for them.

There are checklists online, I will look for some.

www.ageuk.org.uk/Documents/EN-GB/Information-guides/AgeUKIL5_care_home_checklist_inf.pdf?dtrk=true

Hard to say, but go to carehome.co.uk and type in your postcode for those in your area; also stretch it to those near your workplace as if your mum is more on her own (ie no spouse) she needn't be near your home, just in easy distance regarding transport twice a week.

Of course, you will need 'care home with nursing' if 'nursing' is what you need, not all care homes do nursing.

The CQC report is basically rubbish, but the carehome.co.uk does allow 'recommendations' ie only positive reviews. You can check them out, for respite at the least.

If you are hoping for a nestegg from your Mum, forget it as anything less than 23 grand and it will be gone at the rate of a grand a week. Home visits (ie having your mum at home) do allow you more control, you are not on their turf so much.

It's how you get on with the manager, not the proprietor, the latter always being pleased to see New Money. The manager is who you will be raising concerns with should you have any. See how friendly the staff are, cos if they are not and are understaffed and underpaid they won't be taking it out on the manager that's for sure...

Don't forget we are only hearing of bad homes in the media - I suspect there are also a lot of very good ones we DON'T hear about.

My MIL is in a special dementia unit which was recommended to us by someone who had used it for a family member. We are very pleased with it. Like ChirstamsAlreadyOver we have witnessed excellent caring staff. This is costing MIL £530 a week (she is in the northwest).

Check out the Care Quality Commission website. They list care homes and the CQC rating. They are the equivalent of Ofsted for care.

Also, go and look at lots of homes and make sure that you choose a home that can cope with dementia. Not all of them can! Privately run care homes are often the best.

For all of the shocking things currently being reported about the care industry there are lots more positive stories but they are never reported. Please don't be despondent. There are excellent homes out there with staff who really care. I have a friend who works in the industry and she gets very upset by all of this stuff on TV. She says it doesn't paint a very true picture of what is going on at all.

Thank you all for your suggestions. I've found a few potential places that I might take a look at. Will report back.

I am very sceptical about recommendations to consult the CQC website, I'm afraid.

One of the care homes featured in the recent Panorama had successfully passed a CQC inspection, only weeks before hidden cameras were able to record abuse taking place.

I don't believe this is the only occasion on which care homes have been shown to be sadly lacking, subsequent to a CQC inspection which has found nothing wrong. Of course staff aren't going to be abusive when there are inspectors on the premises.

Oh, as I said, the CQC is rubbish. Okay... if its inspectors see rats running around and infestation, they will act. Otherwise, they are like the Food Standards Agency, if you complain about poor service and food at a restaurant, they don't care as it is outside their remit. That's for London Eating or Tripadvisor, not them.

The nursing home my Mum was at left her with severe kidney damage, I had complained about them but for much of the last year the home had all the full ticks and approving comments by the CQC. Just a mad organisation; basically if you happen to be on the premises at the time they visit they will take on board your comments and put them in their report, otherwise if you email or phone, those comments are 'not upheld' should they not see evidence on one of their two-day, twice yearly visits. Visits where they give advance warning to the home, which can then hide away the nasty staff on other shifts and get everything in order.

I regard the CQC reports as criminally misleading, and the organisation, well, is it wrong to say it has blood on its hands?

No, I don't think it is wrong.

Why on earth is notice given to the homes? You don't have to be a genius to work out exactly what will happen.

There ought to be a regime of frequent unannounced spot checks, to keep the people running these care homes on their toes.

There is a train of thought that suggests that the CQC is basically out to gloss over any care home shortcomings, sort of the way New Labour would allegedly soften exams to make it all easier for everyone, or so I read in some Telegraph news story a year or so back.

But it might be a legal thing in some ways; not sure. The CQC did do unannounced checks after the chef at the home got suspended and then turned whistle blower, but generally it doesn't. I think that was because he grassed them up for not having enough care staff in attendance, to cut costs. Also he called immigration!

I think the CQC is legally not allowed to put hidden cameras in homes, that is why only relatives and journalists do it, though the CQC is quite happy to jump on the bandwagon when wrongdoing is exposed, it is the follower and never the leader in these instances.

I wonder if it might be an idea to start a "Recommended Care Homes" thread on here, where people can post their comments? I suppose the only issue would be if anything negative were written, the care home could potentially sue for libel.

Well, you can 'recommend' them on Carehome.co.uk, though it only allows positive comments, for the very reasons you've outlined.

With the Carehome.co.uk web site it only allow positive comments, so you could work on the assumption that if the home is not on there it might not be OK.

The trouble is.....I think even in the Care Homes which have been exposed as below par, you will get some people who are perfectly happy with the care their relatives either are, or are perceived to be getting.

I have no doubt that even the abusive carers are not uniformly horrible. They will have their 'awkward customers' for whom they reserve their worst behaviour, and probably their favouite 'easy' clients, who may have a better time of it.

In respite, my mum has been regarded as an awkward customer because she's a vegetarian, she wanted Earl Grey tea, wholemeal bread (proper wholemeal, not just 'brown', and soya milk - all of which I had to provide, despite her being charged over £1000 a week even though she doesn't require nursing. Why shouldn't a frail 92 yr old have what she wants to eat and drink at least? All these Care Homes talk the talk in their glossy brochures........

Yes, especially as if they go off their food it can quickly move into a palliative care situation, though not in a respite stay probably.

Beware the 'silent killer' ie dehydration. Quite easy really to bump someone off, just don't give them much to drink, you can then say, oh she's gone off her drink won't cooperate. No incriminating marks, nothing you can do. It is your word against there's that your relative could drink.

In fact, and this shows how awful the whole thing is, you may need film footage of said relative eating, drinking, walking or whatever they can get up to, when you can manage it, or where is your proof?

I couldn't agree more. The start of my experience of the elderly being hugely short-changed in the care they receive, began in hospital just over a year ago when mum broke her hip. After a fortnight 'recovering' on the ward she was almost comatose, dehydrated, unable to eat.

I couldn't bear it, and brought her home where I had to nurse her back to health little by little, almost like feeding a bird with a dropper. If she had stayed in hospital, I have no doubt that would have been the end of her.

Oh, that was my experience a month or so ago in Epsom District Hospital, Northey Suite specifically (ironically it was a private ward, the NHS ones weren't so bad). I had to go in two or three times a day to get her back to normal, albeit after the nursing home had got her into this state in the first place. Otherwise, she was left on a drip and NG tube, then they were going to stick a PEG in her on the basis that she wasn't keen to eat some cold puree slop administered by a trainee nurse who had probably never spoken to anyone over the age of 50 except when visiting Nan at Christmas.

In hospital, everyone looks more ill than they really are, so elderly patients have a problem if they can't assert themselves, mind you the wittering deluded ones who don't shut up get more respect, it seems (not saying they shouldn't, mind). As for those who are a bit introverted (and those with Parkinson's will be) watch out.

Sheer unmitigated hell.

I think that's probably also the case in the homes a lot of the time. To survive them I think you need to be ambulant, and, as you say, fairly assertive (but remaining pleasant at all times, as old people aren't allowed to be in a bad mood, or unhappy or have an off day: that makes them 'difficult').

I feel awful for the thousands who are in care homes with no-one to stick up for them.

I don't think it's fair to say that 'difficult' elderly patients carers have to take on are just having a bad day or are in a bad mood. Many, especially if they have some form of dementia, are verbally abusive at best and not a few are quite violent too. If a preschooler hits you it's probably not going to cause too much damage, a 200lb man in good physical health is a very different story! It's a very difficult job for poor pay.