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Elderly parents
Original poster

Just cleared my mum's house

21 replies

DeckSwabber · 19/11/2013 21:03

She's moved in with her sister, taking a few bits with her (and about six massive boxes of photos).

I've just finished clearing not just the she didn't want to take, but

  • my late dad's stuff
  • my late step-dad's stuff
  • his (late) first wife's stuff, and her parents's stuff

House now empty, ready for a new family and new adventures.

Sad

I said goodnight to each and every room as I shut each door.

OP posts:
soimpressed · 19/11/2013 21:08

Must have been very emotional. Brew

I cleared my Dad's stuff when he died - he had kept almost every thing he'd ever had and it was hard going through a lifetime of his things.

PacificDogwood · 19/11/2013 21:11

Oh, you must feel drained and bone-tired.
That must have been a hard job to do, in more ways than one.

I hope you can feel a sense of achievement and closure.

I am dreading this when my time comes to do it Sad.

Barkyboots · 19/11/2013 21:13

I understand your sadness. I've been clearing my mothers house since August. Her health went downhill rapidly from February and she's now moved into a care home. Her house has had to be sold to pay for this. I have had to clear all her stuff, and all my late dad's stuff, (he died 23 years ago). Like you, I came across sooo much stuff from their shared past. Even came across the documentation from the post mortem and inquest from when my elder brother died when I was just nine. All so sad... Almost too much to bear at times... Hard to make sense of it all isn't it? Completion on the sale of my mum's house will be this week, first time buyers moving in. I like your expression of new adventures for a new family...

CMOTDibbler · 19/11/2013 21:16

Is it the house you grew up in?

I don't look forward at all to doing my parents house - the only house they have lived in since they married in 1968, and filled with an enormous amount of stuff. Weirder will be my great aunts, who I didn't even know existed for 30 years, but I'm now down as next of kin contact and executor

Original poster
DeckSwabber · 19/11/2013 21:18

wobbly Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
DeckSwabber · 19/11/2013 21:22

It's not the house I grew up in, so could be worse.

OP posts:
lookoveryourshouldernow · 19/11/2013 23:24

.. I still have 1/2 a garage full of stuff from clearing my Mother's house before she went into a Nursing Home - eight years ago...

It is an emotional time and I hated every single minute there - each item needed a decision - and as I am an emotional bunny.... it was not an easy task..

I always remember when my Mum and I (aged 7) went to clear her Mother's house out and then left the residue stuff for the "House Clearance People" - she never forgave herself that she let the most valuable items go to them (she had no idea at the time).

I felt dreadful - each item of my Mother's life was reduced to a "Keep or Trash"... is was heart breaking... and I wanted to make sure that I didn't make the same mistake..

I slammed the front door and shed a tear too... and I can't bear to drive past the house whenever I go back to her home town to visit...

Original poster
DeckSwabber · 20/11/2013 08:02

I know - its those thousands of decisions. I've got boxes of stuff in my limited storage areas, things that might be 'handy' one day (spare kettle) and that might help of my kids get started when they move into their first flat (plates, pots & pans).

I've tried to do the 'decent thing' by each item, ie recycle, rehome or donate, but living a long way from the house meant that I couldn't do freecycle and I didn't want to do Ebay or car boot - I didn't want to put family stuff on show to be picked over.

OP posts:
TeaJunky · 20/11/2013 08:13

Oh op. Sad

I sorted through my dad's things when he passed away. I was only 26.
I felt as though I hardly had any time with him as an adult. Sad I felt as though I had to do it and alone though, because mum wouldn't have been able to after everyone went home.
feeling sad this morning Sad

TeaJunky · 20/11/2013 08:14

I meant to add,
I found an old diary of his in which he had written in the middle of one page

My name - date of birth and time of birth: 6:00am.
I cried for days.

ssd · 20/11/2013 08:26

I've done this alone,and within 2 wks as council needed keys, its beyond awful.

Original poster
DeckSwabber · 20/11/2013 08:45

Tea I lost my dad when I was 14. Finding stuff of his was the most difficult.

But funnily enough it was the stuff belonging to my step-father's first wife that was most problematic. I felt I didn't have the right. But she had no children and I don't know if she had any other family.

OP posts:
Original poster
DeckSwabber · 20/11/2013 08:46

ssd that is awful. At least I've been able to tackle this in my own time.

OP posts:
ssd · 20/11/2013 09:01

it was awful. but part of me knows if she had owned the house it would all still be there, I wouldnt have been able to clear a thing, I WOULD STILL BE GOING OVER TO SEE HER THINGS AND SMELL HEr clothes, I could never have cleared it. the council deadline gave me no choice (sorry caps on).

its just an awful heart rending job, the worst thing I've ever done.

TeaJunky · 20/11/2013 09:41

Such a sad thread Sad

Deck, yes I see what you mean about your late step fathers first wife's things. But I'm sure she'd be glad that she had someone to do that for her, if you see what I mean. Brew

Ssd - that is very sad. Sad Brew

threepiecesuite · 20/11/2013 10:46

Just wanted to lift the sadness a little.
We were the new family, 7 years ago. We bought our house off an elderly couple who were both going into a care home. Their son was very sad about letting it go. Through speaking to neighbours, it's clear they were a much loved and respected family. They kept a beautiful garden, which we have tried to carry on and add to each Spring.
We inherited some of their furniture as we had none of our own at first. Down the back of the old sofa, we found a small card with a 'Recipe for a happy home' poem on it. On the back it said 'To Eva and Ted, may this house be filled with happiness and laughter forever'.
Well- it has been. We love the house, and since dd came along, it is filled with laughter every day.
I know their son still lives locally. I hope he drives past occasionally and is pleased by how we're looking after it.

Original poster
DeckSwabber · 20/11/2013 12:08

threepiece my mum is an artist and I left one of her local sketches in the house as a sort of 'taper' to pass on the warmth of her happy times there.

OP posts:
TeaJunky · 20/11/2013 15:47

Three, that is beautiful. x

ssd · 20/11/2013 17:52

yes, three thats lovely x

skyblue11 · 20/11/2013 20:16

Three that's so nice. I know one day I will have this awful task. Mum is still in the semi I grew up in and the loft is choc full of stuff from the years of living there. I am sentimental and know it will be hard as they were both collectors Dad especially and his huge stamp collection was left to me and I haven't the space for it so it's at Mums. I would never sell it but it's just a case of storage. It's awful, truly awful. Mum kept all out childhood birthday cards old family photos etc and DH is just of the attitude it's trash and needs skipping, he's really harsh so I'm dreading it

Isthiscorrect · 03/12/2013 16:06

I cleared my mothers house last October as she went into a home in the August. It wasn't the family home, she's only been there 10 years but DS had much of his upbringing there. I'm also an emotional bunny and living overseas meant there wasn't much I could keep and she was a hoarder. many of her friends and my friends came and took items that were useful to them which made me happier.
But the hardest part was I found a small paper photo album of my mums wedding. I've never known my father he left before I was born :-( I havent been able to look at it yet. And everyday I think of something that has gone but yes we have managed to do the house up and rent it. The young couple there have made a lovely job on the garden which was my mothers pride and joy. If she wasn't so cross at being in a home she would be very pleased to see it looking so lovely.

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