reception class dilemma

[wellington]

name change as this will identify me and i dont want it linked back to my nusual name

ds will start school in september and is in nursery at the school now. he is firm friends with 2 boys and they play together all the time. originally they were going to all be together in the same class next year on the nurserys recommendation. the head has apparently vetoed it and split them one per class. ds is going to be devastated. he is a volitile child temprament wise and i am actually crying at the thought of having to deal with his reaction when he finds out hes in a different class to the others and having to deal with it every day. the three of them have bonded well and play together really nicely so i don't see the point of splitting them up. why destroy fledgling friendships in this way?

so do i write to the head requesting that they be kept together?

Why do they want to seperate them?

I think you should contact the head and start by asking him/her for the reason for his/her decision. Give him/her a chance to explain. It might make no difference to your reaction, but at least you will know why.

Who told you the head vetoed it? Was this on the nursery's sayso?, what do the other parents think?

Our school has always been very amenable to reorganising reception classes to make sure friends stay together. I think you need to find out the reasons and then discuss your concerns with the head.

But you need to be prepared to back down if the head has reason to believe that your ds and his two friends together will be a difficult combination. I know it is hard to face, but the head has to have the final word when it comes to what is best for the school/class.

nursery send recommendations of pairs and groups they think are good together. the head has the final say. nursery see them together everyday so i dont think they see them as a handful together or they would have recommended that they were split. if that had happened i would have accepted it as they know best. the head probably pops in only occasionally so how could she know? At least one of the other parents is not happy. she is actually the only one wh had been told by the nursery teacher they were to be together. shes now been told the head vetoed it.

if nursery had said it was better for them to be split that would have been understandable. ill have to write a letter because im no good at face to face things or even phonecalls

if they had bonded in reception like this they would have together for the whole seven years

Not necessarily. If a combination of children is very disruptive in class ( not that I am suggesting your ds and his friends would be) it is common for the classes to be reorganised at the end of the year.

If the nursery recommended it I would def speak to the head and explain how you feel. Lockets idea of askign the other parents is good too. If you can possible speak to him rather than write it would be better, because then you could discuss it properly. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

I know a letter is easier but could you try just a friendly chat first (perhaps with the nursery teacher and then the head) explaining your worries? Sometimes a letter comes across a bit confrontational and schools tend to get all defensive if they think someone's squaring up for a fight.(I'm an ex teacher)

You could try the concerned parent -'what do you think is best for my son because I'm so worried that he'll be miserable without his friends' route instead of the 'why have you made this bad decision?' line.

If no joy you could then ask for an explanation of 'if there are concerns about the 3 boys' behaviour together then why was I never informed before?'

Schools do genuinely have every child's best interest at heart. Most are willing to reconsider if someone has a good reason.

I think that your DS is very young to be having quite exclusive friendship groups. I imagine that the head is concerned that if these three are too tight-knit that they won't make friends with the rest of the group.

It may also be because they are a handful together - which can often be the case.

Friendships are still very fluid at this age and whilst he will naturally be disappointed I think you will find you are much much more worried about it that he will be! Look on it as an opportunity for him to expand his group of friends which becomes more important as they get older.

In any case you may well find that the children see each other at break and lunch times, so that it is just hte time in the classroom when they will be separated.

Both my DCs have lived through separations from friends at this age (their school has a policy of changing the classes round every year) and as such they have an extremely wide group of friends from across all the classes. This means that when the inevitable fall outs with one group of friends occur they are not left like billy no mates in the playground as there are loads of other friends they can join in with.

I don't think the friendships really start settling down until they are 8-9 years old or so!

Please don't get upset about this, have some trust in your DS's ability to thrive despite little obstacles in his path

i can't do a friendly chat because whenever i get emotiona i cry. its hugely embarrassing and i can't help it and its not a pretty sight on a grown woman. happens with everything. its a complete pain.

i can see the point about them making other friends but i dont think nursery woud have made the recommendation if they thought it was bad or that they would be a handful. i would have accepted it had nursery made the recommendation to split them

ds is stubborn, fiery and passionate. he will of course get over it but he will make sure he doesnt let go easily. i cant believe how upset i am about it. irrational really.

Wellington - you're a mum - we all share in our childrens disappointments - I know I am often gutted on their behalf at even the slightest playground tiffs

I can sort of understand how you feel at the moment. DS1 has 2 REALLY good friends at nursery, they play together 'most' of the time, and always want to wait for each other to walk into/out of school.

They're all starting reception class in September............but going to three differente schools - and us parents live quite spread out too. Not sure any of them have really 'realised' yet that they won't see each other on a daily basis

gwenick thats what happened with ds1 and he was of course fine. ds2 (and me) would have been fine if it were the different school scenario, i think this is trickier because they will all be next door to each other but no together. maybe ill tell him today they will be in different classes and see how he takes it.

have to stop thinking about it now or i will be blotchy at pick up time

You could remind him there's still breaktimes to see each other, and you can always arrange playdates .

at least in the same school tho, u can reinforce that they can play together at breaks and lunch times. It might be some consolation for him