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Original poster

random men appearing at ds' playgroup

23 replies

bronteE · 01/04/2009 18:15

Any advice? I have noticed that my ds' playgroup is quite relaxed in the way they run things: which is fine. But the leader has just got herself a new boyfriend who I hear is often there: in fact my ds did mention he had spoken to him one session. Also, a mum and dad have been very active on the committee - again, fine, but he is constantly there also. I see his car arrive almost every morning after I leave. Other mums have said it is just one big chat room now. My concern is that I want to ask the leader if these extra people require a CRB, but I'm worried that it sounds so judgemental, what I am basically saying is: how well do you know your boyfriend? Do you think it is over the top to expect regualr 'visitors' to a playgroup to be CRB checked?

OP posts:

Twims · 01/04/2009 18:17

I would def mention it RE her boyfriend being there - but the parents that are on the committee why the problem with them?

Original poster

bronteE · 01/04/2009 18:20

Yes, I agree I think I am being very cynical: I just don't understand why with four leaders and a parent on duty, why he's turning up every day. Also, when your ds tells you that he got into the fire engine with him when it came to pg, I just get suspicious : why is he there interacting with the children. I know, I know, this is too cynical: people are probably just being nice and helpful.

OP posts:

TheProfiteroleThief · 01/04/2009 18:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HecAteTheEasterBunny · 01/04/2009 18:22

boyfriend - maybe crb. maybe just ask her about it, how long she's known him etc. What is the problem with him being there? What do you think is going to happen? What is it that you are worried about?

but as to the dad...what's the difference between a father and mother attending? Do you object to the mothers who are "constantly there"?

Original poster

bronteE · 01/04/2009 18:23

Thank you that clarifies things: I didn't know about the CRB rules thing, for occasional visits. Yeah: I don't even think he is the father of any of her kids, so why is he there?

OP posts:

seeker · 01/04/2009 18:25

Maybe he's helping out?

Or is that too boring an explanation?

HecAteTheEasterBunny · 01/04/2009 18:26

"Also, a mum and dad have been very active on the committee - again, fine, but he is constantly there also" - that one's a dad though, isn't he?

Original poster

bronteE · 01/04/2009 18:27

OK: I suppose: but if a random man turned up in your dd school, and was 'helping out' but had no kids of his own there, wouldn't you feel uncomfortable?

OP posts:

HecAteTheEasterBunny · 01/04/2009 18:32

nope.

Original poster

bronteE · 01/04/2009 18:36

I guess this is fizzling out now, with a: you might be right: I might be right: we'll hopefully never know...

OP posts:

overtherainbow · 02/04/2009 14:14

Well my concern would not be whether the people there are male or female it would be -Are they there to help with the children? or Are they there for social reasons? As you say "one big chat room". When you send your child to a playgroup you expect the staff to not stand around chatting with other adults but to interact with your child and the other children. Unfortunately I have experienced this type of thing with my eldest child. The staff saw the playgrup more as a social group and would stand around joking and drinking endless cups of tea. I took him out after one term.

smallorange · 02/04/2009 14:20

Are you there with your child?

Redazzy · 02/04/2009 14:55

Hi, I am chair of a pre-school committee (not sure if it is the same set-up as your playgroup) and all members of committee have to have CRB checks. We have nothing to do with the children on a day to day basis but it is still an Ofsted requirement.

hotcrosspurepurple · 04/04/2009 08:34

but he's not a random man if he is the leader's boyfriend
and the other one is a dad
get a grip woman
men are not all serial children abusers like you seem to be inferring

when I ran a playgropu we often had visitors, men included, who used the church hall, the caretaker, members of the church committee and even the rector.
As long as they are not allowed unsupervised access to the chidren, I don't really see a problem with it.
Playgroups, after all, are set up to be part of the community

PadDad · 04/04/2009 08:39

"Also, a mum and dad have been very active on the committee - again, fine, but he is constantly there also".

HecAteTheEasterBunny · 04/04/2009 08:41

deep breath, paddad.

fryalot · 04/04/2009 08:57

Jesus, is this how women see other blokes?

My dp is Vice Chair of our local school and has been since dd1 went there. She left four years ago and our littlies are just starting now.

Dp has had an active part of the school life whilst having no children there.

He is now there a lot more because we have a child just starting reception and a child in nursery and he is at home all the time anyway.

Do other parents look at him and think he's a child molester because he is "always" hanging around the school?

btw - he is fully crb checked - there are three perfectly acceptable, in date ones lying around somewhere

HecAteTheEasterBunny · 04/04/2009 09:02

I know squonk, it is so sad I could cry. No wonder many blokes stay away from kids, including their own! "ooh, you have a penis. what are you doing within 10 feet of a child, you pervert." I could weep, I really could.

And do you know who is hurt most by this? Our kids. Who suffer from not having enough male role models in their lives.

LuluisgoingtobeanAunty · 04/04/2009 09:05

i hate this attitude that a man who is involved in his and other children's upbringing and development is a pervert.

to the OP , how would you feel if it was your husband being viewed with such suspicion?

fryalot · 04/04/2009 09:09

Dp tries to be at school as much as he can.

There are no male teachers there.

In some households, the only adult male that they know is dp.

hereidrawtheline · 04/04/2009 09:10

Should Fathers be thoroughly ashamed of being men and stay well away from women and children?

If it were open to men off the street with no supervision etc I can see you would have reason to worry! But a couple of men who have a reason to be there, and are part of the general community, what is the problem? Just being men doesnt mean they are predators.

I have a healthy fear of some men having been a victim of sexual abuse as a child but I have managed to expand that well enough that I see most men like my DH, Uncle's, friends, brothers in law etc, and they would all die before hurting any child or woman. If a particular man makes me very uncomfortable I pay attention to that instinct but I would not object to men being at a PG at all. In fact DH and I do as much as possible equally with DS, given DH's work schedule.

WriggleJiggle · 04/04/2009 15:18

As far as I know, you only need a CRB if you are in sole charge. And presumably he is never left on his own with them.

Just interested, but what do you actually think he could get up to in a room full of preschoolers and 4 other adults.

If it was a little old lady who was going along to help would you be so concerned?

DJH2005 · 24/06/2009 20:39

Hi Superviser and all floor staff ,Committee members and chair treasurer and secretary all have to complete ofted form EY2 and then the CRBs are sent directly to them.

If you have concerns why not just ask??

If you are not happy change your setting you don`t have to stay.

Men and woman alike can work with children and both have aplace in child care.

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