3.5 year old hates nursery setting ASD

[ambitiousgoose]

My DD 3.5 is on the ASD pathway. She has been at her nursery for just over a year and has never truly settled. Things got bad at Xmas last year where she developed a tic from anxiety. Recently, she has also experienced situational mutism with children her own age. I brought her hours down to just 2 mornings a week and her pre-school teacher has been supportive.
last week, my DD started to sob before leaving for her morning at nursery. This escalated until she was practically hyperventilating when we got there. I couldn’t do it to her. I put her back in the car and we came home. I have since decided that nursery is not for her & im not going to force her to push through something that is clearly so unsettling for her.
my question is - what now? I’m not currently working as I’m on maternity leave with her brother. Should I let her nervous system reset for the year before she starts school? Childminder? My worry is that she will not get the same opportunities to socialise & she will become even more attached to me which could make the school transition even harder.

what would you do?

if anyone has had similar experiences please let me know how it’s gone for you! I’m so worried about her starting school from this experience.

Thanks so much.

Christmas is notoriously difficult for children who are/ may be ND. Routine often goes out of the window and it can be complete sensory overload.

I’d think about the environment. Is it big, busy and overstimulating? Some EYFS settings are more suitable and inclusive than others. Are there any quiet areas or rooms where children can be withdrawn for 1 to 1 or group work?
You could try speaking to the EYFS SEND team at the LA or does she have a specialist teacher or SALT visiting to support and advise?

You could look at a school Nursery if the current one isn’t. This can ease transition to YR.
If you choose a childminder try to find one with experience of ASD or with an inclusive reputation.

You could prepare a child friendly one page profile to help staff if she starts a new setting. Information from parents is invaluable especially about interests and strategies.

https://sheffkids.co.uk/resources/

Thank you so much! She is in a small nursery but it’s a hall that is used for other things in the evening so it’s all packed away. There is a SENCO but inexperienced and is getting support from the LA. Unfortunately it hasn’t seemed to help much. I know they are at full capacity and it can get noisy/boisterous with lots of small children in a tight space.

That does sound more like a Playgroup setup. Maybe look at some other nurseries that might suit her better.
She would benefit from being in a setting if you are applying for an EHCNA. You can apply as a parent and don’t need to wait for the setting to initiate.
Also a setting can apply for Preschool Inclusion Supplement to provide additional support or resources.

Had similar with my ads diagnosed dd in reception - had to carry her out at end of day because so distressed, started to show real anxiety about school, etc. It was a class at max capacity, and she was just constantly overwhelmed.

We ended up switching part way through reception to private school with very tiny class size (less than 10] and it made a massive difference immediately. there were lots of great things about the school and 5 years in they have been brilliant at supporting her, but honestly I think the biggest immediate impact was just being in a quieter, calmer environment where she wasn’t constantly overwhelmed. I recognise we are very lucky to have the option, but some state schools in our area are smaller and less frantic than others - several village schools are similarly tiny intake.

my dd has become much more resilient as she has aged - just completed a very full on week of summer camp, and loved it, though did need a couple of days to just chill and recharge afterwards. Not being able to handle a busy classroom at 4yo doesn’t mean never able to manage - at 9yo now she has better self awareness of her own needs and can spot overwhelm before it consumes her, is able to articulate and advocate for herself if needed, and has strategies for self regulation.

I understand the anxiety around her missing out - there is so much pressure on parents to send dc to early years - but if she is constantly overwhelmed she won’t be benefitting from any of it, and it might be counterproductive. School needs to be a place where she feels safe, nd if that isn’t the case right now (through no fault of the nursery) it might be better to step back. That doesn’t mean you never push her out of her comfort zone, but she needs a baseline level of comfort / security that you then stretch from.

Thank you so much for your reply. We have decided to pull her from nursery and let her reset. I’ve signed her up to various classes and groups so she’s still trying new things and being stimulated etc. I seem to be her secure base. She’ll do most things when with me but falls apart if I’m not there.
we have also looked at private schools becoase of this and will continue to explore options. I’m so glad it worked for your daughter. It gives me great hope!

Just find another setting that is calmer / better structured. You could try a childminder. It sounds like a calmer place would be better; with less noise so maybe that would suit her better. X

I’d look at another setting too. Maybe use her funded hours to move to a private nursery with experience of ASD?

Has she got her ECHP in place yet?

Just wanted to add that we went to a group that was in a shared large hall and my DS found the noise and busyness overwhelming. What helped him was getting there early so the hall filled up after we had arrived and he wasn’t walking into a loud room.

I would request an EHCNA. On their website IPSEA has a model letter you can use.

You could look if your area has specialist early years assessment places.

When you say the nursery was receiving support from the LA, had they approached the Area SENCO for advice and, if your area still has them, the specialist teaching service? Were they in receipt of early years inclusion funding?

Sorry OP I didn’t read the update before posting and can see that you’ve already withdrawn your DD.

This is an excellent post from inthequiet, I do hope you find it useful