bit boring but could I have some views on this letter

[saadia]

I have written this letter to the nursery where I wanted ds2 to go from September. It is where ds1 also went and he is now attending the school which is attached.

They have misplaced the application form for ds2 and said I will have to re-apply and then ds2 will go on the waiting list, so, is there anything I should add, remove or re-word, TIA

"Dear Miss X

Please find attached an application form for my son XX to start attending XX Nursery in September 2007.

I had in fact submitted an application form earlier but was informed on enquiring that the form had been misplaced and because of this my son could not be offered a place yet but would be placed on the waiting list for a place.

In light of the fact that I had in fact already submitted a form by the due date and had named only XX Nursery on the form, which has been misplaced through no fault of my own, and the fact that it is now too late for me to apply to any other nursery, I would be grateful if you would consider placing my son at the top of the waiting list. I am very keen for him to attend this nursery in particular as he has a brother already attending XX First School,

Yours Sincerely""

Do you have a copy of the original application, or know the date and place you submitted it, to back up your case?

Think it sounds a bit aggressive tbh. Can you amalgamate the two paragraphs to avoid repeating yourself. ie

Further to my conversation with [name] on [date] I enclose the application form for my son XX.....

I had originally submitted an application form for him by the deadline but was informed on enquiring that this form had been misplaced [where?] and because of this my son could not be offered a place yet but would be placed on the waiting list for a place.

In light of the fact that I had named only XX Nursery on the original form and that the unprocessed application has only now come to light, too late for me to apply to any other nursery, I would be grateful if you would consider placing my son at the top of the waiting list. I am very keen for him to attend this nursery in particular as he has a brother already attending XX First School.

etc etc

I'm afraid I don't have a copy but I took it in person to Reception at the school and also had to show the birth certificate.

Oh yes LIZS that does sound better thank you

I would change the last paragraph to something like.

I am very keen for him to attend this nursery in particular as he has a brother already attending XX First School. I would very much appreciate it if you could give him priority consideration, given the clerical error with my earlier application.

And enclose any info you have about your original application (eg hand delivered, posted on ..etc)

thanks throckenholt, will re-word it - really appreciate all suggestions.