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Original poster

Does your own school experience influence your DC's?

38 replies

Tainbri · 18/04/2017 13:53

Just curious really. Was chatting to a friend who hated school herself and she is very bitter and cynical and she was saying how hard she has to try to even get through the door of her dc's school. I am sure this is a bit extreme but wondered if this is unusual?

OP posts:
CassandraAusten · 18/04/2017 13:55

Yes it does. I was at a girls' school and it was a positive experience for me, which means I'm biased towards a girls' school rather than mixed for my DD. I'm open to being persuaded otherwise though!

MiaowTheCat · 18/04/2017 14:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OdinsLoveChild · 18/04/2017 15:12

I know someone who loved school but she has 2 refusers who hate it with a passion. She has to drag them into school every day kicking and screaming. She is beside herself and really doesn't understand them.

I liked school but only 1 of mine likes school. The others are not really bothered, they neither like it or hate it.

corythatwas · 18/04/2017 16:47

Not really. Went to school in another country, so few points of comparison. I was totally committed to academic studies and lived for the idea of learning more and more, and eventually getting to do research. Have had one school refuser and one who (while not actively disliking school) prides himself on not having read a book since the Oxford Reading Tree.

NotCitrus · 18/04/2017 16:54

I went to four different schools and hated the second one for the first year I was there, so was prepared when ds was unhappy in Y1. He's now fine and supported well, but knowing how I felt helped me push for what might help him. I was generally an obedient child though, whereas he will refuse to do work for ages just because it's 'boring'

Original poster
Tainbri · 18/04/2017 19:49

It's really interesting people's thoughts. I feel there are perceived to be so much more opportunities these days. Certainly the school I went to didn't really give much help or encouragement to girls, I was interested what people thought generally as I hadn't really considered it. Just thought of school as something we all have to do. The friend I was talking to clearly felt almost defensive regarding any negativity in respect of her dc's teachers comments because she had been punished at school (she says she is mildly dyslexic but it was never acknowledged) interestingly Miowthecat, she said it was a convent girls school and spoke of being hit with a wooden ruler, blackboard rubber, had to wear a "stupid hat" that kind of thing!! Clearly had a lasting traumatic effect and feels super protective over her DC now! Sad

OP posts:
majormoo · 18/04/2017 19:53

Yes-I travelled miles to a single sex catholic school. Most of my friends lived miles away. I don't think the single sex atmosphere was a good preparation for life after school

My daughter goes to a local secular state school.

Leeds2 · 18/04/2017 19:56

Not quite the same thing, but I always wanted DD to have school dinners at primary because I wasn't allowed them (by my parents)!

I also believe very much in co-ed schools, but DD went to an all girls' secondary because that was the school she said she liked best. I allowed her to have that choice even though I didn't actually believe it was the best one.

RaspberryIce · 19/04/2017 14:14

I went to state primary and girls' grammar and had a positive experience overall. I tend to feel positively about teachers and tend to assume the best not the worst of them iyswim.
I live in a mixed comp area but was biased towards all girls as I went to one. Didn't have the option though. I was nervous of comps as they have a bad rep.
Dd in year 8 of mixed comp and is very happy, lovely group of friends and doing well and we are happy with the school too. I've come round and prefer mixed now and can't imagine dd in all girls!
Only thing i didn't like at times was the school mum/playground thing at primary school. Coming to the end of that now and it was much better once i left fb anyway.

RaspberryIce · 19/04/2017 14:16

I remember reading on here about a dad who had to have counselling/therapy to get through the door of his dc's school as he'd had a bad experience himself.

SittingInBluebellWood · 19/04/2017 17:40

Yes it does. I went to a terrible school and I am determined my DS should not have that experience

Ta1kinPeace · 19/04/2017 19:43

I disliked my private selective single sex school.
My kids have thrived in a Comp.

itssquidstella · 19/04/2017 19:49

Yes, I hated many aspects of my catholic state school and will be sending my own children private.

RaspberryIce · 19/04/2017 20:21

Regarding whether your own school experience influences/affects dc's schooling, I think if you feel negatively towards teachers you could pass that on to your dc which could affect their behaviour. I also think if you feel able to raise any concerns in a polite/constructive way it probably benefits children more than if you were someone who let things build up and then ranted.

MiaowTheCat · 20/04/2017 07:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Crumbs1 · 20/04/2017 08:11

I went to a state primary and then had a scholarship to a convent and had the loveliest time possible. Academically not pushed at all so some underachievers but I always liked learning so was OK doing books by myself.
Nuns were real sweethearts and spoiled us totally. Homemade cakes at break time, fantastic home produced lunches and puddings, cuddles and hair brushing, swimming at the convents own beach, playing tennis and nothing more serious than 'a look' if we misbehaved.
I think we were literally their surrogate daughter's and they seemed to enjoy fussing over us.
Mine didn't go to single sex independent but it certainly gave me a positive perspective on schools.

RaspberryIce · 20/04/2017 09:03

You are being a bit oversensitive Miaow. It wasn't a lecture and it wasn't aimed at you. It was a response to the op's question. I also said people could pass that on, not that everyone would.

Badbadbunny · 21/04/2017 07:59

Yes - 100%. Due to daily bullying I hated school and ended up with virtually no qualifications (despite leaving primary as a straight A pupil). Likewise the teachers just ignored me and basically told me to ignore the bullying. Not a single teacher over 5 years did anything as they watched my results deteriorate year by year as I became more and more withdrawn. When I tried to hide in classrooms or the end of corridors during breaks to try to avoid the bullies, the teachers wouldn't listen to me and made me go out, only for the bullies to be waiting!

When it came to taking my son to secondary open days, I was physically sick at the sight of my old school and couldn't go in with him. I'd managed to avoid going anywhere near the place for 20 years and I broke down just seeing it for the first time.

During the other open days, I made a point of talking to the teachers to gauge how friendly/accessible they were and how they related to my son. We finally chose the one where the teachers really made an effort with my son and other children. In some of the schools, the teachers basically stood talking to eachother and didn't even make eye contact until we went up to them, and even then, gave us the impression they weren't interested in us - short, snappy answers etc. In one school, the teachers were completely different - as soon as we entered a room, a teacher would come over and start talking, some would sit down with my son and play a board game - a really different ethos. 4 years later, it turned out to be the right thing to do. My son is happy and thriving and often comes home talking about things they've done with one teacher or another that day outside classroom formality - there's a really open relationship and any problems can be identified and resolved before they escalate out of control because the teachers are so accessible and so helpful!

Choose your schools carefully!

Badbadbunny · 21/04/2017 08:02

I disliked my private selective single sex school.
My kids have thrived in a Comp.

Just shows the differences we experience according to different schools.

I hated my mixed comp.
My son has thrived in his selective single sex school.

GetAHaircutCarl · 21/04/2017 08:07

Yes.
I had a poor education in a comp ( though I achieved well enough).
I've accessed a fabulous education for my DC privately.
We've just paid the last ever school bill and I can honestly say I'd do it all again.

However, whenever my DC start complaining about X or Y, it is met with what my son calls the 'grow the fuck up' speechGrin.

sashh · 21/04/2017 08:18

Tainbri

Another dyslexic, RC girls' school survivor here. Add to that I liked 'boys' things like electronics.

I don't have children but I'm a teacher, guess where I won't even apply for jobs?

BoboChic · 21/04/2017 17:30

My God Yes Grin

Our DCs are fantastically lucky to have been educated by such informed parents who have the means to give them a range of experiences no single school could ever provide.

Saucery · 21/04/2017 17:49

I went to a lovely little Faith Primary and a shit comprehensive, so that definitely swayed my choices for DS.

BertrandRussell · 21/04/2017 17:59

Yes. I was mostly home educated. Things would have had to be utterly disastrous for me to keep my children at home.

n0ne · 21/04/2017 18:10

Both DH and I were pretty academic and went to grammar schools, and we have chosen DD's infant/primary school as it seemed more academic, with high numbers of kids going onto grammar. It's by no means all dry learning and tests as no schools are like that in the country I live in, but definitely has better results than the primary 5 mins from our house. I'm sure the more local primary is fine, but it's a new building, kind of cramped and chaotic, and the school we went with is in a beautiful 30s building, the kids are probably more middle class, tbh Blush

And we both enjoyed school and have definitely instilled that in DD - she only started last week but was really excited to go and is really enjoying it.