Am I just paranoid?

[twiglett]

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I don't think you are being paranoid, I do not think that it is too much to ask for your ds to have a bit of attention! How many sessions does he do a week? I ask because my dd went to a nursery only 2 sessions a week and I felt that the children that did more sessions were closer to the teachers as they spent more time with them. I don't think this is right but I suppose is bound to happen.

No you're not. We're all very reluctant to make a fuss about this sort of thing in case we look like the dreaded pushy mum, but you're perfectly entitled to expect your DS to have some attention paid to him when he's not in your care. Could you ask the nursery teacher each day what he's done and who he's played with? If they know you're on the case, it'll rise a bit higher in their mental "to do" list. Also, you might find that their answers reassure you - OK, that time he was on his own, but for 80% of the day he's with other children, or whatever.

Um - no you're not. I had this problem with ds1's first nursery. He NEVER brought home any paintings (had no idea he was auti then) because there were pore children than painting spots so the children had to push thier way in. He had no idea how to do that so never did anything. When I asked to see the notes they kept on the children they had written things like "A aproached the painting and watched- he reached out to touch the paints then pulled his had away- he watched for a bit longer then walked off. Conclusion A has not interest in painting" WTF????

Also they used to leave him sitting on a chair by himself after lunch waiting to be picked up (because they could- he would just sit there and it was easier for them) and would take all the other children next door to play (second time I saw that we removed him).

Comparing with the nursery we use now it's completely different. All the children do all the activities (at different times) and it is organised so that is a possibility.

I would worry less about him playing by himself- you may just see a snapshot there- and it is better for everyone that time is spent with children who may otherwise be disruptive. Have a word with them about the painting though.

I do think if your child is quiet and happy they seem to leave them to get on with it, which isnh't really right is it.

Doesn't sound like the nursery at my kids' school either, where they had the tables set up with different activities and once they'd taken the register sitting on the carpet the children would be put in groups to work at particular things. They did have free choice sessions, but it was only for a small part of the time.

I don't think you're being paranoid, but you probably don't want to go in all guns blazing either. Could you make an appointment to see the teacher and ask how they make sure each child has a balanced range of activities and gets their fair share of support and guidance?

Then you can see if you like the answers and take it from there.

twiglett - my ds1 has suddenly decided he hates nursery too. I've put it down to the baby (I'm fairly certain that he does get a fair amount of attention and cuddles from the staff though, so slightly different situation).

It does sound like there's other things going on there, but wanted to "reassure" you that he may well have been unsettled anyway. Hmm, that's not very reassuring is it?

Not sure at all. DD often only brings scribbly drawings/paintings home or nothing at all but there's evidence that she's been painting/glueing/baking most days (i.e. all over ger dress and shoes!). Do you know if they keep a folder of kid's work back, what are the displays like? DD's classroom seems to change on a weekly basis (partly because they like to make sure everyone has something on the wall at any one point).

I'd keep an eye on things and maybe collar the class teacher on the pretext of discussing how he's settled in.

Do they do any organised activities such as music or P.E.? Free choice is only a tiny part

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Could you arrange to spend a session there with ds just to put your mind at rest? It gives you a chance to see exactly what the routine and structure is like and may be enough to reassure you that all of the children get individual attention at some point during each session.

Some children are just 'watchers' and it may be that he's invited to join in and doesn't want to. It could be that the staff are letting him have some space at the moment. As for free play, it doesn't always involve producing something tangible, he may be dressing up, playing with the trains, playdough etc. Does he have a keyworker? Perhaps you should speak to her. They should be doing written observations of children, then you would have evidence of how he is spending his time and who with.

maybe he's just not as outgoing as some of the older ones? DD is one of the youngest in her class and we noticed that she didn't really "get" the way the pre-school (i.e. going into Reception Sept '05) girls interacted for quite some time. Even now she will say she's played with the toys/by herself all day if you ask her. As a paranoid mother I've established this is simply not true.

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