Would you change nurseries? Advice needed urgently

[sandyballs]

I would very much appreciate some wise MN advice.
To cut a long story short, my twin DDs have been at a nursery since last Sept - took a while for one of them to settle but now love it. Spend all morning playing with play dough and painting, fine for their age.

However, they have now been offered a place at a very good pre-school - starting in September - nearer to our home and they have an excellent reputation for learning basic numeracy, letters, computer work etc etc.

What would you do - leave them at a place they love but you know won't give them much stimluation in a learning environment - they will spend the next year with just play dough and paint - or move them to the new place?

It seems obvious to me now I've written this down, but I hate the though of unsettling them and parting them from the teachers they love and part of me wonders do they really need this "learning" pressure at 3.5 - 4. Maybe they should be just playing until they start "big school".

Views appreciated - have to give the new school a yes or no this afternoon as there is a big waiting list.

At my ds nursery they have a younger bit sounds similar to yours, and when they are 3-4 they go upstaires to the bigger class and start learning stuff, nothing too harsh.

Its a hard Q to ask, Its your choice. How do you feel about it? would you regret not sending them to this school you've been waiting, or would you be happy just to leave them where they are? Its hard. Hope you find adecision soon,

agree that it would seem ashame to unsettle them but is the pre-school part of the school they will eventually go to ? Are they currently at nursery with children they will start school with and how old are they? If they were born first 6 months of school year they might enjoy more stimulating environment and be ready for it.

Is it the same in the UK as it is here in the US, in that kids who start school without going to pre-school are at a huge disadvantage, because practically all the other kids have been to pre-school?

It's great that they love their current place, and it has been a wonderful introduction to "school", but if I were you I think I would move them. At age 2-3, painting and play dough is fantastic. At age 4, my opinion is that they need more. If it's a very good pre-school as you say, they'll love it there too! And I'm sure they'll do their share of play too. It's not all sitting down at a desk writing letters, right?

Do you have time to go and visit the pre-school again alone before you decide? If you are then not entirely sure that moving them is the best thing to do then don't do it.I don't know for how long you have had the offer of a place, but would feel suspiscious myself of anywhere that insisted on an answer straight away. Sometimes parents follow the fashion instead of listening to their instincts. Just be sure to be influenced by what YOU feel is the best for your daughters. You know them better than anyone, and you are quite right that they will not be held back if they haven't had lots of extra 'learning' before they start in reception.

my feeling based entirely on what you wrote is that you think they would be better off in the new place in September and that your only hesitation is the actual change? In that case, I would move them as they will have had a year at the old place and it is not unreasonable to make a move at their age.

If it were me, I would move them - playschool is fine for a while and then they will probably need more, if this pre-school is attached to the main school that they will be attending, it will put them in a really good position as they will be comfortable with their surroundings before starting full time. My son started the pre-reception unit at our chosen school in April and loves it, every Friday they have assembly and mix with all the other children in the school, which makes him feel really grown up. In these last few weeks, he has come on tremendously, he can now write his name (I am a cruel mother who gave him an eleven letter name) I can understand what you mean about the pressure children have to learn, but I am afraid that this is now part of school life and if by sending them to pre-school gives them that best start, well IMO its the best thing to do.

Thanks for all your replies - the girls are just 3, they will be 3.5 in September. We were offered the place at the new pre-school a week ago but I decided to keep them where they are - now the deadline is looming I am having doubts.
It isn't part of a primary school - although most of the children at the pre-school will go on to the same primary school. If they stay where they are at the moment they will be the only ones transferring to their particular primary school so they won't know anyone.

I think the situation is complicated by the fact that the girls are so very different - one is very keen to learn, loves to sit with me and try to write her name, read with me, pointing out letters she recognises etc etc and I feel the new school would be great for her. Her sister is a much more physical child, flitting from one thing to the next, not interested in looking at books or holding a pencil, so where she is now suits her! Maybe I should separate them! That would be too complicated in the mornings though when dropping them off.

I have asked the new school if we can view it again this afternoon so me and DH can compare and hopefully make our minds up.

I wouldn't move them as you said they took a while to settle in and now really love it. Why would you want to move them if they are happy and go to a pressure of learning.There is plenty of time for this. Children learn through play and I would say speak to your pre-school your concern and the reason you were thinking of moving them. How many children stay at the other pre school and do they settle quickly into the new enviroment? It sounds as though you do have a good pre-school. I think you will find they are not doubt doing similar things in your pre school as they do have inspections,etc and may be its not all paint and dough- although how fun this things are- you learn through play. Larsxx

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secur, well said!! I totally agree with you . larsxx

I'd be inclined to keep them where they are both happy. It sounds like the new nursery might be good for one of your DD's, but not the other - and if one of them is unhappy, then that might unsettle both. Don't worry about them starting school - children are always so unpredictable, you think they'll hate it and be hysterical, and they love it, or you think it won't be any problem at all and they'll settle easily, and they act like Damien going into a church every time you get them near school. Doesn't seem to matter what preparation you do. Sorry, that's not meant to sound defeatist and negative, just think that you can make all the best preparations or worst, and still can't predict the outcome. So just enjoy it when they're happy and there's no problem!

Doesn't your current nursery have to do the early learning stuff with them anyway - they should be OFSTED inspected for these?

IMHO, definitely switch them to the new school. I think you're just resistent to the change right now, but when they're settled in, you will be really glad you made the change. Good luck.

IMO, keep them where they are. My dd goes to a jolly playschool which is really 'beneath' her now (4.5, starts school in September) but she is very happy there. She loves all her little friends and the very caring ladies who work there. They learn absolutely b**r all at this place but I don't care, she's happy and thats all that matters. A friend of mine, who is an Ofsted inspector, is adamant that kids shouldn't learn to read before school as she says they get bored so easily in the first term and drop behind the kids that are just learning to read. This confirms what I feel instinctively - too much 'academic learning' is NOT a good thing at this age. She did attend a nursery for a while which has an amazing reputation but she didnt like it and nor did I - they give the kids homework at 3 for gawds sake, I mean whats that about? Admittedly its only things like 'find something at home that begins with E' but I still think thats ridiculous.

I'd be inclined to leave them where they are.

As Hulababy says, if they're OFSTED inspected (which they should be) then Preschools/Playschools/nurseries all follow the same "Foundation Curriculum" which runs up until the end of Reception year at school.

This Curriculum lays out the 6 "Early Learning Goals" which every childcare setting should be following.

At our nursery, in the 2-3yos room it is very much "free-play" activities revolving around the "Birth to 3 Matters". Once they move up into the 3-5s room, then they switch to Foundation, but still carrying on the "Learning Through Play" with time set aside for each child spend some 1-to-1 time with their Keyworker.

As you had to decide yesterday its probably too late but IMO I think you should move them.

I have 2 sons both born in September because of this neither will start school till 5. Ds1 now 3y 8mths is still at playgroup every morning as my chosen school had no available nursery places till this Sept. He adores playgroup and loves to just play and interact but I am starting to feel it is definitely not challenging enough for him now and since a lot of his good friends left for state nurseries at Easter he has been asking to go to big school and for the first time in over a year told me he didn't want to go there anymore last week. I think the problem is not the toys/activities but that most of the children are quite a bit younger than him now as the older ones have moved on and it is not stimulating enough for him anymore.

I am lucky as he will still get a full year in school nursery before starting school. I do sometimes worry though that after being allowed to more or less do as he likes until age 4 he will find it difficult to cope with the more structured school nursery?

We've just gone through the same thing with our ds (3) and my deciding factors were: 1. It's quite a long time until Sept and he's picking up more and more all the time. (2) lots of the other 3 year olds are leaving and he will be left with 2 year olds (and as he's quite physical, I was worried for their safety) and (3) he's done a year and could do with a change (although he doesn't think so at the moment. Only difference is, that this pre-school is attached to a school and he will be there now until 11.

I'd leave them. Happiness counts for a lot IMO.

DD goes to a nursery attached to the school (pre school I suppose 3 hours a day) - it gets her used to the idea that she will have to go to school - her reading and literacy and number skills have improved but more than anything they do this through PLAY - and don't worry that there will be no painting etc - I could show you DDs tops that have green paint all up the sleeves (always green??)

They have story time where they sit and have a story read to them, she adores this, they have their milk and are helped by the teachers (they are qualified teachers too) to do lots of different things but everything they do is individual choice no pressure and DD loves it.

Thanks ladies. We finally made the decision to leave them where they are. They are very happy there and the teachers are great. After reading the other thread about learning pressure on primary school age kids I think I have made the right decision. I had no idea primary school was like that now - very different from my day! Just goes to show how old I am!

Sandyballs, just wanted to add think you made the right choice. As it is always hard to find the right pre school for your children but the fact they really like it sounds like you already found it. larsxx

sandyballs,would just second that opinion, it is no mean feat to feel really happy about your children's nursery/daycare/preschool and as someone else has said, we start to teach kids structured stuff very early in this country, let them have this period for the time being, and learn how to be away from you and interact with other adults and kids, there is time enough for the proper stuff (well i think so anyway- i am having probs just getting my ds to pre-school at the moment so i'm envious!!) hths