Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Education

Join the discussion on our Education forum.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Should the SENCO be involved with this situation?

36 replies

Emochild · 09/07/2015 12:17

Dd has been refusing school for 6 weeks due to anxiety

We've been to the GP who has done a camhs referral
We've been contacted by camhs and are waiting for an appointment

School in theory are sending work home for her -we've had a total of 5 pieces of work

Talking to HOY today and it becomes clear that the SENCO isn't involved or even aware of the situation -because there is no official diagnosis

Is this normal procedure?

OP posts:

pollyisnotputtingthekettleon · 09/07/2015 12:20

How old is your child, and do you know whats causing the anxiety?

Original poster

Emochild · 09/07/2015 12:23

She's 13

Final trigger was bullying at school but she's been quietly getting more anxious for the last 18 months

No one realised, and i feel like the worst parent in the world she was getting tearful and irritable at home but everyone put it down to hormones, high school transition etc etc
She's always been what you might describe as highly strung

OP posts:

noblegiraffe · 09/07/2015 12:28

School refusal at my school would be dealt with by the pastoral team rather than the SENCO. If assessments turn up anything specific then the SENCO might get involved.

Alonglongway · 09/07/2015 13:41

Please don't feel like a bad parent. I went through this with DD1 who's now happy 17 yr old apprentice but crashed out of school at 14 with NO comprehension from the school that anxiety can lead to school refusal.

School put me through the wringer and the stress that caused was extremely unhelpful. As it turned out DD had anxiety which was quickly diagnosed by CAMHS and 10 weeks of CBT made a massive difference.

My experience was that head of year was helpful but baffled and mentors essentially didn't believe that school refusal was a real thing and just made me feel like a weak parent. SENCO was never discussed with us and I don't know enough about their role to question whether it should have been.

pollyisnotputtingthekettleon · 09/07/2015 18:57

School should be offering some kind of support ... what ever the title to get your DD back to some sort of education. The longer its left the harder it will be. What are they doing/saying? Anything in writing? LA advised?

Original poster

Emochild · 09/07/2015 21:37

Well the latest thing they've said is that I HAVE to insist on a home visit from the GP to get her bumped up the list from CAMHS

She's had 6 weeks off and all of a sudden it's an emergency

OP posts:

Alonglongway · 10/07/2015 06:37

I doubt the GP can do anything about CAMHS waiting list. They've been cut all over the country.

We had a load of pressure from the school and then the threat of a visit from education welfare. It was presented as a threat but in fact very helpful as the EWO was supportive and that got the school to back off. i hope yours is better but our school managed it very much as an attendance issue and I didn't feel they really worked on resolving the child's issues.

maybe you could call EWO yourself, or ask school to organise a meeting with their EWO. I think the big thing is to enlist good quality support wherever you can find it and try to buffer yourself against pressure from people who don't understand school refusal.

CamelHump · 10/07/2015 06:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CamelHump · 10/07/2015 06:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pollyisnotputtingthekettleon · 10/07/2015 06:55

Has anything been done about the bully?

Original poster

Emochild · 10/07/2015 07:39

The bully has been moved forms

If I take her off roll I would struggle to get a school place for her at any of the half decent local schools and I don't want to HE as a long term fix

I've been threatened with EWO and a referral to family services to support me

None of these things make dd want to go into school any quicker

She is desperate not to stand out and if she goes back now she feels like everyone will spend the week talking about her where as in September they will be in their gcse sets and everyone will have had 7 weeks off so she won't stand out as much

OP posts:

noblegiraffe · 10/07/2015 07:45

What you don't want to happen is to keep her at home in the expectation that she'll go back in September, and then have her refuse to go in September too, but have done nothing about it in the meantime because you were expecting her to go in, if you see what I mean.

If you get the home visit now, get her bumped up the CAMHS list, then maybe you'll get some support in preparation for September, or if not, then at least you'll be 7 weeks further up the list if there is a problem.

If September is fine, then you won't have lost anything.

mummytime · 10/07/2015 08:14

I would welcome the EWO. They can sometimes provide positive help.
I would also go back to the GP and see if there is anything they can do for the anxiety.
If there is any chance she would change school then you need to get her on other school waiting lists.

You really need to take any offered support at face value. If they also refer to CAHMS etc. it might just get you seen quicker. They may also offer some real help.

Original poster

Emochild · 10/07/2015 08:20

We've already been told to expect an appointment with camhs in the next couple of weeks

She's been off 6 weeks but now 1 week from the end of term they are treating it as an emergency ?

If we get a clinic appointment I have time to prepare her, if someone comes into our home today, especially if they go into her bedroom which they will have to if they want to talk to her, it will send her one of two ways -and neither of them are good!

OP posts:

honeysucklejasmine · 10/07/2015 08:22

Speak to the school or local council about the "medical needs" tutoring provision. We work with kids just like yours, who have a health problem preventing access to school. Round here, our only rule (to qualify) is that the child is willing to engage with healthcare professionals.

A lot of people don't know we exist. But we will support kids for as long as it takes to get them back to school. Typically a student gets a visit from English, Maths and Science teachers once a week, to make sure they don't fl too far behind.

noblegiraffe · 10/07/2015 08:43

Why will they have to go into her bedroom? Can't she go into the living room?

If she can't leave her bedroom to talk to a doctor then you need to start accessing as much help as you can now, because it's not going to be magically fixed by September. And if that includes a disastrous home visit, then that's going to bump you up the list and get the EWO on your side.

Original poster

Emochild · 10/07/2015 08:56

Can't or won't when things are sprung on her

If things are planned in advance things are generally better

OP posts:

mummytime · 10/07/2015 09:19

Who do you think is going to come today to see her?
If an EWO, then I would explain the situation, then allow them to just say hi and ask to speak to her through the door, if she refuses to come out then that should be enough to demonstrate her emotional state.
For a call out of a GP it should be similar. Unless she is at danger of self harm, then there is no reason for them to invade her space.

To be honest - what makes you think this will miraculously be solved by September, if she doesn't leave her bedroom, or speak to people now?

I'm not sure exactly how long, but there is a time limit on how long education is the responsibility of the school when a child is ill (I thought it was 2 or 3 weeks), after that instead of sending work home the hospital education service (or whatever it is called) should take over responsibility. Maybe this is what has triggered the sudden need for action.
Also maybe the school was hoping that she could attend a few events at the end of term to start the gradual reaclimatisation to school.

I would strongly suggest you contact a charity such as "Young Minds" for some advice and support. This could be a long process.

Original poster

Emochild · 10/07/2015 09:47

They've told me not to let her attend any events at school even if she wanted to as that is giving her the wrong message that she can pick and choose

I don't think there will be a miraculous cure by September but I think I stand a much better chance of getting her there if she is not railroaded now

Weekends are more relaxed, she will at least come into the living room and has bursts of being chatty

Weekdays have been a constant battle of get up, get dressed, get in the car, interspersed with panic attacks, vomiting, chest pains and not sleeping

If she was an adult I know she would have been signed off and there wouldn't be these daily battles

OP posts:

noblegiraffe · 10/07/2015 10:04

They won't railroad her into coming in, these visits are necessary to start the ball rolling on the support that you clearly need.

They can't force her to come in anymore than you can. She is clearly very troubled and you need people to see that ASAP.

Original poster

Emochild · 10/07/2015 10:48

Just spoken to a very nice lady at camhs

Appointment in 3 weeks and she's advised getting her out and about socially between now and then and remove the pressure from school

OP posts:

CamelHump · 10/07/2015 11:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Emochild · 10/07/2015 11:23

I've been dealing with this by myself for weeks -I do feel like they have let us down

OP posts:

mummytime · 10/07/2015 12:57

Schools aren't very good in these circumstances. These longer term issues can be tricky for them.
However the key thing is to know life is not a race and there are alternative ways to get through the education system, when the time is right for her.

Alonglongway · 10/07/2015 21:06

Spoke to DD1 about this thread.

She said life really crashed around her ears when she became too anxious for school. She said school is all you know at that age and if you can't do school then you feel you can't do anything. So then everyone focussing on trying to make you go back to a place you can't function makes you really isolated - that no one understands

Not meaning to make you feel worse but I thought you might appreciate perspective of a teenager who has been through the same

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread