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Original poster

Advice needed! How should DS deal with this bitchy yr5 girl?

19 replies

NiceCupOfTea · 10/11/2006 17:47

Hi,
A sly piece of work in DS class has decided to turn her attentions to him with the usual underhand stuff: obviously whispering + giggling about him, making nasty comments, constantly poking him with a pencil behind the teacher's back, pushing his pencilcase off the table, etc etc. Of course, the more annoyed he gets (and he's a seething mass of hormones and emotions at the mo) the bigger the kick for her.
Now, if it was a boy I'd suggest DS dealt him a swift punch in the playground (out of sight of the MSA's! ) and I'd willingly take the flack for it.
But how can he get this little cow off his case? BTW, I will be speaking to his teacher (and her mum if necessary) but expect little joy from either...
Sooooo, any wise advice here, Mumsnetters?

OP posts:
lisalin3 · 10/11/2006 20:59

Hi, very sad to read about DS Thats dreadful,Although i have not experienced this with any of my 3 boys it is somthing i really dread they are all under 10 at mo.I have seen this behavour when i was at school, The only thing i can suggest is for ds to totally ignore her, because if she keeps getting a reaction from him she will do it more, She will get bored after a short time. I could think of lots of witty comments to say to her which would be on the sarcastic side. But will probably make things worse. Best talking to headteacher but be firm, Mabye if the teachers know they will look out for it happening and be able to sought the nasty witch out. Hope ds is alright, Good luck!

Hallgerda · 10/11/2006 21:05

lisalin3 is right about ignoring the girl. It really does work - my sons have seen off a few girls like that. Talk to the class teacher so that she can keep an eye out. But don't have a go at the girl's mother - it's a school problem.

doormat · 10/11/2006 21:08

if teacher or parents wont help

tell your ds to make a sly comment

for eg she has stinky breath
or biddies in her head
xxx

chipmonkey · 10/11/2006 21:46

That can backfire though, doormat.
A girl in ds1's class kept calling him a geek over a period of a few weeks.
He called her fat ( which she is)
He got into trouble for bullying!
It's a girl's world.

Original poster
NiceCupOfTea · 11/11/2006 10:32

Thanks for the replies.
From personal experience (many years ago), ignoring taunting simply doesn't work if they can see you getting wound up.
It may be descending to her level, but I've told DS he has my permission to do back to her whatever she does to him; if she pokes him, he can poke her; if she shoves his stuff onto the floor, he can do the same. Yes, it's facile but it's the only way I can think of that she'll get to realise how annoying her antics are.
I plan to tell the teacher what DS and I have decided to do, although I'll prob get a rollicking for it.

OP posts:
CAMisole · 11/11/2006 13:33

The only problem with that idea is that the girl will inevitably tell the teacher on your ds and is will be him who gets into trouble.

Once its seen as both of them (or just him if you're really unlucky) you'll get nowhere.

If I were you I would mention it to the teacher and let her sort it out by moving them apart for example.

Rhubarb · 11/11/2006 13:43

Blimey, I misread the title and thought she was 5!

SweetyDarling · 11/11/2006 14:31

She's probably fancies your son - sounds like baby-flirting to me!

fullmoonfiend · 11/11/2006 14:39

It could well be baby flirting - we had similar thing last year (ds was 8) this gril was vile to him, personal comments, whispering, hiding stuff, telling teacher he was talking when he wasn't. Eventually I had to talk to her mother (an opportunity came up..) and mother said surprised: ''Oh but X is always talkig about your son at home..it's ''A says this and A did that, he's really funny'' etc etc)
Turned out the girl was pissed off at my son as he wasn't paying her any attention (he didn't like girls at all) so in her warped way, this way at least he noticed her IFSWIM.
The problem is with getting your son to retaliate is that he will inevitably come off worse because he is a boy, if he hurts her...it's like this great taboo of ''you musn't hit a girl' even though sometimes it might seem it's the only option, not sure it's wise.
Not got any concrete advice though.

slug · 11/11/2006 15:14

It depends on how brave he is. If he is up for embarassing her in class he could try raising his hand and asking the teacher in a loud voice (so as to shame her in front of the class) "Please Miss, could I please be moved as X's constant childish attempts to disrupt me by poking me with her pencil is becoming tiring."

Original poster
NiceCupOfTea · 11/11/2006 15:41

sweetydarling & fullmoonfiend - yes! it had occurred to me that she was flirting in a clumsy way, but he gets sooooo annoyed by it. Poor DS is really emotional (he cried when I rearranged the kitchen cupboards and couldn't find the cereal!)
slug - don't know if he's that brave. He'd rather lash out with his fists than get verbal, which is why I want this sorted quickly!

OP posts:
Daisybelle · 11/11/2006 16:02

I strongly agree with slug. I'm a supply teacher and don't like to get involved in ongoing things like this in class but if he puts his hand up every time she does something there is no way any teacher could ignor him. He may have to endure an exasperated reply but there is a good chance that he will be moved away from her, at the very least. He can then speak to his teacher, or you can, from the position of "you can see how bad it has become..." Good luck, no one should have to endure this, flirting or not!

stoppinattwo · 11/11/2006 16:36

nicecupoftea
I can see where your coming from with the do as she does to him, the only problem is at what age does he stop doing that. The point im making is if his wife/girlfriend slaps him would you expect him to slap her back?

What she does is wrong, just tell him to completely pretend she isnt there, it is definately some form of flirting. If he wants to really irritate her he will pretnd she is not there, or just laugh at her. But please dont tell him to do anything physical back to her, You dont want him to get used to shoving girls around, My DSS would always slap a girl back if she slapped him, I asked him what would happen one day if his slap turned to a punch and she didnt get up.

We all know girls when we are in an arguement with our partners what is the most infuriating thing they can do..... walk away

XX SA2

batters · 12/11/2006 08:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CAMisole · 12/11/2006 08:48

Hello Batters

chipmonkey · 12/11/2006 15:35

Don't know, batter, if there are ever altercations between the ds's and girls, creche and school staff always seem to take the girls' side.

chipmonkey · 12/11/2006 15:39

Sorry BatterS!

unknownrebelbang · 14/11/2006 16:40

My son has been taunted since the beginning of term by a particular girl and he ignored it at first. He's responded in kind this last week or so....and ended up in front of the Deputy Head today.

Unfortunately, he's the sort of child who just sits there with his head down, without putting his own side of the situation forward.

unknownrebelbang · 14/11/2006 16:41

sorry, head of year, not deputy.

(He's year 8 by the way, so slightly older).

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