Bullying, any successful reintegration stories?

8 replies

kiwisbird · 19/03/2004 13:00

My darling son aged 10 is off school now due to bullying, I won't go into ins and outs, have dealt with kidscape/childline etc and also GP now too.
What I want to know is if anyone has had their child bullies to the point of being total school phobic, had support from school to resolve it and then had their child go back into that same school and class and be happy again.
Desperate for hope! Am preparing to home school in the interim as we are moving counties from Hants to Lincoln in August hols.

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Original poster

kiwisbird · 19/03/2004 20:48

oh god not even one?
My poor DS he is going to be stuck at home being educated by his dumb mum!
All he wants is his band of mates back!

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hercules · 19/03/2004 21:04

It is possible kiwisbird. He has a great mum and lots of support by the sounds of it. I have seen several kids turn themselves around and are far happy for it. (I'm a secondary teacher). The ones that dont are the ones whose parents dont give a toss. He is still very young and has loads of time to turn himself around. Lots of maturing to do yet.

soothepoo · 19/03/2004 21:50

Kiwisbird, I don't know if this will help, but at 13 I moved to a new school and made friends with another girl who had also just moved to the area. She was being bullied, and I too then became a target. My mum used to have to physically push me out of the front door in the mornings - I was clinging on to the door frame and she was prising my fingers off. Although my mum didn't delve into the reasons for this odd behaviour (, but she was having problems of her own with my father at the time), my friend's parents wrote to the school, and the girls involved were talked to. That didn't stop the bullying entirely, but it was never as bad, and after the summer holidays it stopped completely. I have no idea why. For the rest of my school years the group of girls were OK towards me (my friend moved again) and acted as though the bullying had never happened. I was never friends with them, but we could have a laugh together and it didn't blight the remainder of my school days. The single most important factor that helped me was that I had my friend to support me - I didn't have to cope with it on my own. You mention that your son has a group of friends - I think they will be invaluable in cushioning him from the bully(ies). How did they react when your ds was being bullied? If he wants to go back to the school I think that would be a good sign that he feels strong enough to cope with any atmosphere there might be. If he doesn't want to return, well, it's only one and a half terms until you move and then he has the chance to start again in a new school.

hercules · 19/03/2004 21:56

I am so sorry, misread your message and took it to be he was the bully. Much of what I said still stands though and I totally agree with soothepoo.

Jimjams · 20/03/2004 10:33

if he's getting school phobic may well be worth waiting to change schools. My cousin did this and LOVED her new school.

In the meantime why not have a look at some of the local home ed groups- he'll be able to socialise and it may give him confidence.

robinw · 21/03/2004 08:15

message withdrawn

Original poster

kiwisbird · 22/03/2004 13:22

I am definitely thinking about some counselling for him to help him learn to deal with things better.
He sticks out in that he is different, more eclectic and outspoken, has long hair (gets called gayboy poofter etc)
He is big enough to take care of himself but is genetically a pacifist. However he has told me he now sees rages where he can imagine taking on the whole school and wiping them out.
He had a nice weekend - has gone in to school today at head teachers request as she promises to make it alright for him - I am off to see her at 2.50 then she will talk to us together too.
I just feel so sad for him being mocked and he is so sensitive and kind to others with their differences it all seems as he said
Mum its just so unfair

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ScummyMummy · 22/03/2004 20:54

Well done for sending him in, kiwi. It must have been hard when you're so worried but if he wants to reintegrate into the same school it's really important he doesn't spend too long at home, IME. Long periods at home can reinforce the idea that school's not a safe place and make it really hard for children to take the first steps back in. Sounds like your head teacher's on the ball though- sometimes schools fail to take the necessary steps quickly enough (or at all)so the child has to stay off for a while. That's one common cause of full-blown and long-term school phobia. I hope the head had some good plans for keeping your boy safe and happy at the meeting and that your son had a good day today. He sounds like a real sweetie.

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