Changing prep schools in year 6. We want to, dd doesnt.

[TackedOff]

dd2s current prep school is struggling. It was a lovely school when my older dd went but the head left a few years ago and its a shadow of its former self. They are really finding it hard to raise numbers.

We went to see a thriving prep at the weekend and the feeling and vitality were so inspiring. We have a dd3 who we want to send there and we really want dd2 to move there. Trouble is, her current prep ends at year 6 (they go on to the senior part for years 7 and 8). Which means that in year 6 they choose head girl, music captain etc, you get a special changing room and a few other things that dd2 really doesn't wnat to miss. She doesn't want to move. I am very confused.

What do you think you would do?

I would leave her for a year and mover her in year 7. I think year 6 is a very hard time to move and it is such a big thing to have all those responsibilities and nice big go things in year 6 which as the new girl she won't get in another school. I would move your other daughter and find a way to do 2 school runs for a year.

Thanks Kitchen you've kind of said what I was thinking.

Funny isnt it that words on a forum can help you make your own mind up :-)

Unless the current school is really utterly dire then I would keep your daughter at her school until the end of year 6. It is very hard changing schools at the end of year 5. Friendship groups would be more established at the start of year 6, your daughter could be lonely.

Lots of children change schools at the end of year 6. It is likely that your daughter would not be the only new girl at the start of year 7.

It's not dire for dd2. It probalby would be for dd3 as it is now so tired and lacks focus. But dd2 is doing well there, so enthuasistic and determined. I wouldn't say its done wonders for her academically, but she's certainly doing very well in drama and better in sport than we would have hoped. The main thing is that she doesn't want to move...

I suppose it would be helpful financially to move them both at the same time as we'd be able to negotiate the fees a bit more

We had exactly the same predicament with our youngest DD - in the end we let her stay for year 6 and she had a wonderful last year there - they won the sports cup and she did all the things she'd watched the older girls do whilst she was younger. She moved to the new school happy and ready to move and settled immediately - there were 3 other new girls starting too. I was pleased she left with good memories instead of being made to go against her wishes even though it set our plans back a year!

Thank you. She's been really upset at school this week and I think she's a bit confused. I feel bad about going to see the other place now :-(

You shouldn't feel bad at all, TackedOff - you are trying to do what is right for your children, that's all. You've been out and got the information you need, and you have looked at that in the light of advice here, and come up with the best way forward for your family - how can that be bad?

Your dd2 is old enough for you to explain to her why you did what you did, and what you have decided, and to understand that you had her best interests at heart. She will also see that you took her feelings into account when making your decision, and that you listened to her - and that is hugely important. She'll know now that you wouldn't make a big decision like that without including her and valuing her opinions. That makes you a very good parent, with nothing to feel bad about - OK?