How can I get my DS's to do their homework and how can I get DH to suport me on it????

[jac34]

My DS twins are in year2.They are doing pretty well in their class and their teacher is usually very pleased with them,when we have been to parents evening.
However,they hate having to do their homework and reading.They find the homework easy to do,once they have put their mind to it.Their reading is going pretty well too,but again they are just not motivated and I have to nag them to do it.Once they have read their book twice,it's pretty much word perfect,so it's not like I make them read it over and over.
Whenever I ask them to do some work they get stroppy,yet I get no suport from DH,he usually tells me to leave them alone and stop nagging.His reason is,that when he was in infants,he never had homework and doesn't think we should force them to do it if they don't want to.I actually feel the same,but know that these days parents are expected to do some work with children at home,things are different than when we were their ageI also want them to get into good habits with homework,as there is only going to be more in years to come.

I'm by no means a pushy parent,I'm only asking them to do whats required to get by,but I'm just fed up of nagging and being made to feel mean.

I think it's very worrying that dh is undermining you in front of the kids. You need to make it clear to him that any disagreements between you are kept private; you have to hold the same line in front of the kids.

Batters' idea is good. For your dh, could you download some curriculum stuff from the DFES website so he can see how much it has changed since his day? Or tell him to either shut up or talk to the teacher?

Jac34, sympathy. We had the most almighty row with ds last weekend because he didn't want to do his homework. Now, I did totally the wrong thing, lost my temper, shouted, etc etc and in the end his dad made him do it by the same method, when he dropped him back at the end of the weekend. So I have decided that henceforth I will ask, calmly, ONCE and if he doesn't do it I will calmly sit and type a letter to the teacher saying I am not prepared to argue and that he wouldn't do it. I think it'll work although I have yet to do it. I agree with your dh but I do manage to keep my thoughts to myself and I think your dh should too.

I would do exacly what batters sugests. 'The twins didn't do their homework because they didn't want to do it'.

I think it is unfair of your dh to undermine you and the school in front of the kids.

Do you have a regular time when they do their homework? I find that helps with my ds1 and 2. We have a fixed time - and also a fixed time limit. I find boys of that age can't really keep going at stuff: they need it to be broken down into shorter, more manageable chunks.
I understand how your dh feels - lots of parents at my children's school feel that way and some of them don't care if their kids do homework or not. But I agree with you: it's a good habit to get into (even if they don't finish it all the time) and I don't think it's a good idea to tell our kids it's OK to ignore what their teacher wants them to do. Can your dh not see that at least?

I've done this once before,DT1 wouldn't read a book(I knew he was perfectly capable of reading it),so I wrote in his reading diary thingy,"Al refused to read this book".
I had a chat with the teacher,who just looked at me and said,"Oh alright".I asked later and he hadn't been told off or anything,just kept the book for another few days till he did read it,which he didn't seem too bothered about

It's just so bl**dy annoying,I just can't wait till the school holidays,so I can have a break from it.

Thanks cat,
The tip about doing homework or going to bed(but earlier),is a good one.I think they would go for that one
I pick them up from school on a Friday and try to get them to do the homework then(there is just one set piece),but sometimes there might be something on after school and then it gets difficult fitting it in,but we usually catch up on Sunday moring while DH is at golf.
DH picks them up on the three days I work and if they need to do another read of their book or spelling,he usually doesn't bother.I come home later,to find they have been playing football over the park,so the reading or spelling that needed doing falls to me after tea/washing up/other chores,etc,I'm shattered and so are the boys.I'm just getting a bit fed up of it,it's always me who has to do it.

its hard to understand why children have so much homework to do at such a young age, but its a fact of life.

If my children kick up a fuss about doing their homework, i day 'fine then, you don't have to do it, but you will have to write a letter to your teacher saying that you refuse to do it, and then give her your reasons why'

this has always worked, but i do feel mean!

I really feel, in infants, that the school day is enough! God, let them relax and be free when they're home...I expect to do that when I come home from work!

I will have to get my head round this one though as DS starts school in Sept!

We have the same division of labour in our household. I am the organised, plan ahead(dull!) type. Dh is the leave it till the last minute and then do it if you can find it type. I am the one who ensures that the children have read, done their homework etc. I hate being the witch but it just doesn't come onto dh's screen. My hope is, and it does show signs of working, that they get to year 7 and can organise themselves and know that it is better to do things sooner rather than later. Dh doesn't undermine me, he just doesn't think ahead very much. If they don't want to do it, I don't nag, I just say "that's fine , you can explain it to Mr X tomorrow!" It is successful to the extent that on the days when dd goes to after school club, she will often do her homework straight away ! I have accepted that I am NOT going to change dh who is 47 but may instill good habits into dd and ds.
Anyway ds needs to read his book so off I go!
Good luck!

the rule in our house- no electronic activity until 5pm or homework is done.

thats no tv, no playstation /xbox thingies.

regular time and a regular study area - so we have the dining room table.

you need to talk to your dh in private and ask for his support or shut his fking mouth

I gave DH an earfull about not doing his bit with homework.Explained how it would make things easier for me,if he did something on just one of the days he picks up from school.Also asked him to back me up when they get stroppy.
I think the message has got through,about how things have changed, we have to do our bit,etc.
He went off for a sleep(and a sulk),I'd have loved a sleep,if I hadn't been doing homework with the boys,while he was off playing golf&
I've got a few tips for next week now though.

my dd is only in year 1 but she can't watch her TV etc until homework is done. I am trying to get her into the mentality of "if you do it now that leaves you the whole weekend to play" but its bloody hard work

Hi Jac34, I feel the same, My DH says the same things, to me when I ask the boys to do their H/W.
I think it is very important for their future. There will be a time when I will not be able to help them with their H/W, and they will need to work for themselves for once. I have also notice that helping and telling them they are doing well, makes them feel more confident, about themselves. I also find that they do better at school.
I get very tried of being the horbblie nagging mum, and sometimes I wish I can just let them be kids!!!!!! I never did any H/W, when I was at school, and I turned out OK?
Childhood is so short lived. I sometimes wonder WHY.....?
BUT I know its for their future and they will forgive me at the end for the Nagging etc........ I hope??????????????

It's not just the work, it's a matter of learning self-discipline. Adults have to discipline themselves to do stuff they don't necessarily want to do, either. (I should know). Really important for kids to learn this! I wish I'd developed better study habits when I was at school but it was only at A-level where I understood how important it was & got down to it.

Positive encouragement & praise helps. Nagging isn't effective, although it's hard not to do. When desperate, fear tactics work, too. Telling dd she'll have to repeat a year gets her pretty motivated!

I would be doubtful about putting it all back onto the teachers because IME they will often not have the time / resources to deal with kids who persistently refuse to do homeowrk.

At this age it doesn;t matter, but when they are older it does. A lot of GCSE coursework has to be done at home as part of homework, and if it doesn;t get done, it will be a problem.

I think presenting a united front and communicating to your children that it must be done, is the only way. Otherwise they will see it as optional and if so inclined, opt out.

Setting a time and a time limit is a really good idea, I think, with incentives for afetrwards / witholding priveleges if it isn;t done.

That may sound hard for such young children but having seen my step son persistently refuse to do homeowrk over several years, and end up with extremely poor GCSE results, and a very negative attitude to education and learning, I think I would get this sorted as soon as you can.

It will be harder to get them into the habit of it when they are older.

If you have kids who like soccer I recommend the Merlin football stickers. You buy and album and then the stickers are 35p for a pack of 5. My son's reading and willingness to complete his homework have really come on since discovering these (thanks to 'Cod'). He is 8 but this has worked for a good 18 months and is continuing.

Actually my 6 year old girl (who is admittedly easier anyway) also likes this approach with a girly album with Disney stickers.

We do "no screens until after homework" too and it works. DS2 (also year 2) is expected to do a bit of reading daily and is tested on spellings once a week. We come in from school, he has a snack and then we spend about 10/15 minutes on it which really isn't a big deal. DS1 is in secondary school so that's a totally different ball game! The main thing for me is routine - if we don't do DS2's reading straightaway it can get forgotten about. I think your DH's attitude is unforgivable though. Not only should he not be undermining you in front of the kids, he should be pulling his finger out and doing his bit if you're working!

yes agree re stickers

I live in the usa and my children get a a lot of homework. Too much i sometimes think. We really have to limit weekday afterschool activiteis to reduce the stress and get it all done. we have lived here two years and it took a while but I don't really get complaints anymore.
We always have a snack and a break before starting.
We also have no screens till its done and I work hard to keep the younger ones quiet or out of the way.
But I hate every minute of it!!

The stickers sound a great idea,both my boys love soccer,where do you get them from??Can you get then from most newsagents??
The main problem with doing homework straight after school,is that I only pick up 2 days in the week,the other days I have to get DH to inforce the rule,(which is why I'm trying to get him involved)or my Mum & Dad.
My Mum & Dad picked up today and I told them,that DT2 was not to watch any TV,as he had refused to read his book.My Dad eventually persuaded him to read.
I think perhaps they need a bit more incentive so I'll give the stickers a try.

I think consistency is the key. We do homework straight after school and I also have a no more than 30 minutes rule so if they get more than 1/2 hour it just doesnt get done and goes back with a note from me. There is no telly or games until it is done. The kids know the score and my youngest even starts by himself to get finished quickly, sometimes he starts reading outloud in the car in the way home (he is 5)

You can buy the stickers and albums in Smiths or other newsagents (eg our 'OneStop' have them) and also Woolworths. They usually have them at the check out (you have to ask in Smiths as they're behind the till). You can get an album with all the major teams and also one for the World Cup. The kids enjoy swapping them too.

I really would recommend them - in our house they have not only helped with a reluctance to read but also with the actual reading itself as there's lots of football related reading on the album.

My daughter had a Heffalump movie one. If you don't finish the album before they change the stickers that are available in the shops there are instructions for getting hold of them on the web on the albums.

I hope this helps (and again thanks to Cod who put me on to this.)