Hints and tips for anyone with a child starting in secondary school this year.

[Blandmum]

As a Year 7 tutor I thought this might be a good thread to start.

Label all the kids clothes that you would be upset if they lost. One school jumper looks very like another and there will be around 200 new jumpers arriving in school in september.

Mark your child's school shoes and trainers with their name. Clakes only have so many types and there will probably be many kids with identical shoes.

Get lots of very cheap pencls and pens, they will get lost on a regular basis.

Please contact your child's form tutor if you or your child is worried or upset about something. But please don't expect the form tutor to seach for lost clothing etc or to go to every teacher and arrange that your child gets replacement books for the ones he ruined by tipping water over them ....this has happened to me in the past.

There is a fine line between your child having something that no one will want to steal and their being teased as "uncool". DS1 has a mobile phone but it is my old one, which I doubt anyone would want to steal. He hasn't yet said anyone has teased him about it, but there may come a time. Same with anything else, but mobiles are the big thing at secondary school.

Mark their backpack very clearly as there may be hundreds the same in the school. DS1 "lost" his on the last day of term last week, because another child grabbed it presumably thinking it was his and he then just dumped it in a classroom when he discovered that it wasn't. Big panic time as it had mobile phone it in, plus house keys and our address! Had the back been clearly marked on the outside, this may not have happened.

Am dreading ds1 going to secondary school. He's 9, so we have a while to go but even now between home, school and creche he manages to lose half his property so goodness knows what he'll be like when he's moving from one classroom to another!

Just what we need, mb, some advice from the inside!

We've just received a fat envelope of info from dd1's new secondary school, including an appointment for an individual meeting with the head -- is this usual? And a long, long list of uniform and equipment, with some v. bossy instruction on which combination of surname and initials are to be embroidered where on which item and in letters how high. And which colour socks/tights may be worn with winter/summer uniform respectively.

Coming fresh from a primary school where it's perfectly okay for your child to wear pink stripy tights with their school uniform, I can feel a culture shock coming on...

I had to go to an "interview" with the head before I started secondary school. It was a boarding school and she told us a damned odious lie! She said we would get tea and cakes at 4 o'clock but all we got was bread and jam!

Ours don't get an individual interview with the head frogs! But then we have a Y7 intake of 200, so that would take him a while!

I'll give all the insider info that I can

Oh one thing, make sure that the kids get to go to the open evening that the school runs.....they get to meet the new form tutor, see the school again. Some of mine missed it last year, which was a shame for them.

Another big one.....and it is hard to believe that people do this, but they do! DON@T make your child miss part of the first week of the new term because of a family holiday. By the time they get into the class friendships have been started , the other kids are more settled, know their way round. Yes, you child will eventually catch up, but it is hard work for them, and isn't worth the money saved on the holiday. Check the term dates before you book.

If you have a dd, make sure she knows who to go to if her period starts.....particularly if she has a male form tutor. PE staff are a good bet, as are the science staff and school nurse if there is one.

Remind them that they all get lost/feel lost etc

I definitely echo the cheap pencils and pens, and lots of them. Keep the nice ones for home and homework. And keep checking pencil case regularly and topping up when supplies are running low.

Your child will probably be in several different class groupings for different subjects. Encourage them to buddy up with others in each class: If they miss a class they will probably be expected to copy the work/find out the homework independently, which can be hard if they can't remember who's in their class!

If there are any maps hanging around at open days/evenings/visits, or if there's one in the prospectus or on the website, then nab one and spend some time looking at it with your child. Being able to find your way around early on gives a child huge confidence and popularity.

Spend the summer encouraging your child to be independent, to remember things themselves and take responsibility for their possessions.

If they will be eating at a cafeteria and haven't done that much before, then do lots of practice in queuing up, handling money, and making choices quickly!

Brill advice here - wish this thread had been done a couple of years ago!

Actually getting to school - if they are walking, maybe get together with a couple of their friends' mums and arrange for them to walk together on the first day. And do a dry run so they are there in plenty of time.

I second the tip about marking of shoes. Ds2 once came home in one of his own and one belonging to someone else - no problem except the other lad had size 8 feet and ds2's were only a 5! the other lad must have been in agony.

During the summer term get them to start packing their own school bags if they don't already - try to refrain from asking/reminding them of stuff to take. Secondray school secretaries are much less affable then primary and won't be ringing mum up to bring in forgotten items.

Just generally encourage independence - they'll be OK. Even my barely 11 ds1 did fine

speaking from our experience last year, accept that the first year at secondary school is going to be more tiring and stressful than primary school. Not so much the homework ( surprisingly less than I'd expected) but the longer days, busier timetable and more grown up expectations will take its toll. My son has had more days off this year through illness than last year. So use the summer holidays as a time for lots of rest and relaxation. Don't cram too much activity into them.

If your child has an open day at the school get them to look at what the students are actually wearing as opposed to what is on the uniform list you have been given. Especially see what footwear, sports wear and bookbag styles are popular (and accepted). This knowledge helps a lot when you go off to buy uniform.

Check the price (rough price) of a school dinner. A mnetter last year was told by their child he would need £5 a day

It might be worth letting them have school lunches until they have chummed up with people....if that is what most of the kids are doing. Go back to packed lunches once they have settled in.

oh yes, I remember that mumsnetter :) ds has settled on £2.50 - £3.00 a day now.

oh and another one - extracurricular activites at school - be guided by your child. Accept that their normal day is long already and everything is new to them so it won't kill them to delay taking music lessons or trying out for the football team till they feel ready for it.

This is all great advice. Ds is in Y9 and dd is starting in Sept so am thinking about it all again.
When you do the run through of the journey, point out the shops/friends houses/libraries etc that would be fine to go to if the child was worried or being hassled by other kids or had lost fare home or whatever.
Teach them how to make a reverse charge phone call and make sure thay have the number of a neighbour or family friend that they could cal if you were unavailable and there was an emergency.
I second the advice about seeing what the other kids actually wear before buying uniform. This is much easier for a second child who has visited the schjool for concerts etc. Dd knows exactly what is Ok and what's not!

My tips :)
as they adjust to new more demanding multi subject homework schedule phase out their home chores for a few weeks until the nail the schools new routine. Beds, rooms etc
Ds is now back to doing his chores and managing his own workload.
Get them to pack their own bag as needed by their timetabled subjects. This ensures you never carry the can for getting them into trouble
I did try to ensure homework was done well, but it stressed me out, I left ds to it as he saw fit and he has done really well on his own.

Also ds was notorious for losing stuff at primary, so fr he ahs saile by the seat of his pants and got everything back this year so far.
And has improved beyond belief - infact his tacher praised him in mid year meets, for his organisation - I nearly fainted...

definitely with soyabean on the 'points of refuge' on the way home - nervous 11yo walking the mile home from the station in the dark was greatly reassured by the litany of Waitrose, Emma's Mum, library, doctors' surgery, police station, corner shop, home.

(I hasten to add the 11yo was me)

Tell them not to worry that much if they get a detention, they're bound to, sooner or later. Fortunately I told my ds this the night before he got his first I remember the horror of my first ever disorder mark...the shame...

fauve, very true. My son started school determined to avoid the fearful detentions and got in a bit of a tiss about not forgetting to do his homework. It was the shame of standing out from the rest of his class.

This fear has evaporated now. He's got detentions but assures me lots of other children get them too. I have questioned him closely about this. We have a parents meeting in a few weeks so all will be revealed.

Like all the children, he has a home/school planner so I can see teachers' comments and notice of detentions. Things like 'Ds missed 10 minutes of the geography lesson becuase he went to the loo - he must remember to go in break time' It's difficult to know if the level of negative comments is seriously worrying or reasonably normal. There is a lot less parent/teacher contact - few opportunites for informal little chats with the class teacher as I am not there at pick up or drop off time.

Ds will use excuses to miss doing homework ie he didn't understand what the teacher wants him to do or the teacher is really not that bothered if the class do the homework.

I remind him to ask other people in his class if he is not sure about homework. This is where the mobile phone comes in useful. I've told him that if he can text his classmates for fun, he can text them about homework questions and I've stood over him while he has done this. Miraculously he often suddenly remembers what he has to do.

Thinking back, I'd say I should have got on top of this earlier, and really stressed to him that he must always take careful notes when homework is set, ask the teacher or his friends if he is unsure and if that doesn't work, made him text his friends about homework.