Family dynamics and recovery

[IAmNotDarling]

My DD15 has been referred to CAMHS ED for an assessment following the disclosure that for two years she has been restricting food intake and purging (without binging).

Our local HA follows the family based treatment approach including family therapy to heal family dynamics, but her F and I aren’t together and she lives with me all her time. She sees her F once or twice a week and never at his home.

DD and her F don’t have a good relationship. DD doesn’t want to have anything to do with his new life with his GF (they had an affair during our marriage), but her F won’t give her anymore of his time unless she agrees to meet his GF and incorporate her into their F-D relationship. She is struggling with feelings of abandonment and has opened up that the ED has been a way of getting some sense of control.

DD has been seeing a non-ED private therapist about her feelings about her F for 2 years now but never opened up about her ED and hid it very well from me. Her F was supposed to participate in this ongoing therapy with her but decided he didn’t like the therapist when she explained it was okay for DD not to want to ever meet his GF. He now refuses to engage.

If he isn’t open to engaging with CAMHS will they suggest DD isn’t suitable for help through the family based route?

I’m not a therapy expert, but it isn’t recommended that any joint therapy is undertaken if one party is abusive, and I think your ex falls into this category. Your DD would do well to cut her losses and jettison this relationship, she might find she recovers much better without her dad.

Thanks for the reply. DD is adamant she wants to keep her F in her life and refuses to consider no longer seeing him. She had a roughly 8 month period of no contact just before the ED started but she had thoughts of not wanted to be here so initiated contact again.

CAMHS will be very used to separated parents with one engaging and one not. Ideally your ex would participate properly in the process and come to all the meetings. However, you can’t force him. And if you think he will manipulate your dd or disrupt the process, it is better that he doesn’t.

FBT is the standard treatment for under 18s. It is not dependent on both parents participating.

Her dad doesn’t sound very nice. All you can do is give your dd lots and lots of love and reassurance that she is very valued and much wanted in your home.

Thanks. That’s good to know.

FBT isn't family therapy in the sense of principally working through family systems and dynamics. Its more a mechanism for delivering food which takes those dynamics into consideration. My dd declined it, at the time i thought it was because she didn't want to hear about my problems but I guess she also didn't want to eat food so who knows!
But - they are not going to decline her this treatment, which is the first line approach for adolescents, because of her dad. Good luck x