16yo refusing to eat or accept there is a problem

[Emmski44]

Hi all, really need some help. My 16 year old dd has been restricting food for a couple of months - she denied it, but has had a crappy summer so we hoped starting college and making new friends would help. She loves college and has made friends but on Thursday night we discovered rotting food in her bedroom that she has been hiding. She admitted sage hasn’t eaten tea for 2 months and then told us she hadn’t eaten since Tuesday. I rang 111, paramedics attended and she very reluctantly agreed to go to hospital after abnormal ecg. 14 hours later, blood tests normal, blood sugar low but not dangerous, ecg ok. She refused all attempts to see mental health team - dr told her even though she was ok now, she wouldn’t be soon - she said she didn’t care. He sent her home with no plan in place. She has still not eaten, I made her soup last night and she threw it down the sink. She has said she might eat an apple today, but she hasn’t eaten since Tuesday and even then only ate a sachet of porridge. She refuses to engage or accept she has an issue, and becomes angry and aggressive when I tell her she needs to eat. What can I do - I do not believe she has capacity to make decisions about her health now but hospital disagreed. I self referred to local ED unit but they said they can’t do anything without her consent!

Sorry this is happening

have you tried the eating disorders charity BEAT. They have lots of resources and advice.

ask her to think of food as being like medicine. It may not be fun to consume it but it is important for health. So she shouldn’t wait to feel hungry but should eat a snack every few hours as medicine. If she ate porridge, offer more porridge (and make it will full fat milk if you can).

I have no real advice but I didnt want to read and run. You are doing everything you can, but its totally true, until your daughter agrees to engage, or she becomes that ill from malnutrition that the Drs have to intervene to protect life - theirs and your hands are tied

I struggle to eat as well, I have body issues , I have lots of past unresolved trauma, and when Im unbalanced ( because I do lead a good and productive life mostly ) I control my food intake . Its shit, its not something I would choose for myself, but it gives me head peace

I, in my head, set out what I really need to eat , and like your daughter , its low calorific food stuffs - if I eat bread Im on starvation for a day - at least

What I try to do when this madness is at its highest , it to pack the fridge with low calorie , high quantity food . Today I made veg broth and managed a bowl, but couldn't look at a roast dinner this evening . Im holding on to the fact I did eat a big bowl of veg and chicken , today is not the day I die

TBH, if you cant possibly afford it, get private health care so you get access to HCP in a timely manner

Im 62, and still battling disordered eating

@Emmski44 I hope you have had some help. As several posters have said, this is disordered eating and almost always you need help and support to help your daughter recover xx

Things starting to move finally, spoke to ED unit today - she is my foster daughter so social services involved already although very minimally as she and her sisters have lived with us for 10 years.

there is a network meeting this afternoon and ED unit said they think she needs a hospital admission with a meal plan.

I should have more info on a way forward this afternoon 🤞

thanks again for all your supportive and helpful comments

@Emmski44 I am so pleased people are finally starting to listen to you.

A hospital stay for refeeding will definitely help. It isn’t easy for any of you, but it will definitely help you all.

I really hope it happens today for you. If you go over to the main thread there are lots of us with experience of hospital admissions. I will be thinking of you xx

Jeez. This is such a rollercoaster. ED unit came out this morning - she told them she did not want to engage with them. They have said she has capacity and as she is 16, they cannot override her wishes as it would be like arresting her when she hasn’t committed a crime. I told her they were coming and she ate yesterday afternoon - she has now admitted she only did that in case there were any tests and she is again refusing to eat today.

We basically have been told we have to wait until her weight for height drops below 70%, it’s currently in the 90’s or until she tells us or we can see she is physically unwell - basically when she collapses.

The social worker is as frustrated as we are and is trying to get a mental health assessment but CAMHS are saying that they can’t override her wishes.

I don’t know what else to do…..

I could keep taking her to hospital, but they don’t treat it seriously and every time a medical professional says she is physically ok at the moment, she takes that as proof she isn’t doing anything wrong or that I am massively overreacting.

@Emmski44 its absolutely infuriating. Wait until her weight to height is so low she at risk of death and they will help. You must have sat there open mouthed!

Thabk goodness you have a social worker.

It is crazy that they can make decisions at 16 that could make them seriously ill. It doesn’t shock us anymore though as we’ve heard it so many times. It’s absolutely crazy. We also totally understand medical professionals seemingly reaffirming to them that they are safe and well. It’s so crazy.

I wish I had more advice, all we can say is don’t accept this, and keep pushing. You shouldn’t have to but you will have to fight.

I am sorry you’re going through this. You are doing everything you can right now. It is very common for the sufferer not to engage and to believe that everything is fine.

The medical profession are supposed to take into account how much a person looses as well as their wfh. Atypical anorexia exists.

Is she still eating such tiny amounts? Please keep a close eye on her and keep taking her back to A&E if she fails to eat or eats less than 500 calories.

It is absolutely ridiculous that 16 and 17 year olds are considered capable under these circumstances. Unfortunately this is the situation.