Adult eating disorders support

[thesootherfairy]

Hi
Was inspired by the teen thread. Looks really supportive and was wondering if anyone else would like an adult support thread?

I'm 47. Have young pre-teen DC, a DH and a family cat. I work full time self employed. But I've had anorexia since I was 12. Had no help (not well known about back then so no help offered). Recently been diagnosed with anorexia.

Now face a 2 year wait for treatment.

And you?

Hi @Northerndoglover. It sounds like you’ve a few stressors at the minute, they definitely can’t be helping. I’m glad you’re managing to eat a proper meal with your wife…I have breakfast with DP and I know it’s helping me a lot.
Have you considered going to the GP?

I worry that because of my age I’ll be dismissed. I went when I was ill last time for something else and my weight was noted as was the fact my periods had stopped but no one thought to investigate further. I was too deep in to ask for help but I was desperate not to be entrenched in those behaviours.

I did have some online therapy a few years ago but only 6 sessions and as it was starting to help, they stopped.

Thank you for replying, it feels so lonely sometimes.

@Northerndoglover gently, I think that’s the disordered thinking rearing its ugly head…if you were dismissed due to age you’d be no worse off than you are now, and age is not a relevant clinical precursor so it won’t happen anyways. Honestly, I went recently after avoiding doing so for too long…they immediately jumped in to concerned mode, I almost think maybe more concern at our age due to bone density/osteoporosis risk etc etc.

Please consider going, you deserve the support you are entitled to.

It feels really lonely doesn’t it. Isolating. I’m always here, if you need a hand hold.

Do go to the GP. Do you have to fill in a form to get an appointment? Try and write everything in that and tell GP to read it. It might be easier than telling them verbally.
It's so hard as a mature adult because everyone thinks you've got your shit together, even I thought I had my shit together, and then all of a sudden this can happen!

How is everyone doing? I'm finding the approach of Christmas a bit worrying.

Christmas is a bit of a minefield isn’t it? We haven’t done Christmas for years because of my ED. We are going out for a meal on the 23rd this year as a compromise but even that terrifies me.

The constant bombardment of food content and being expected to eat certain items is just not it imo. Then the inevitable diet crap in January.

(I’m still building up to go to the doctor. Part of me doesn’t want this to end and part of me thinks I can fix it myself 🙃. Obviously completely irrational thoughts in both cases.)

As the pp said, Hope everyone is as ok as they can be during this time ❤️.

It’s a complex time of year in modern society isn’t it. I don’t have an issue with a gentle gathering of loved ones to celebrate surviving the year/winter up to now, but the constant gluttony pressure is wearying. We’ll have one nice meal, I can manage that, but portions will remain reasonable. I’m the matriarch of the family which I suppose makes it easier for me.

How is it best to deal with people who are pressuring you to eat more?
'Oh we're ahead of you Betty!'
'Betty, have another potato, it's Christmas!'
'Oh Betty, you're not on a diet are you?'

Ugh.

@FruityFrog ”ach, I’m grand”, “I’m fine thanks”, “sod off” 😆.

Seriously, some people just like the sound of their own voice. Smile if you want to, or turn the conversation immediately to something else (have a couple of ready prepared comments thought out!). Repeat.

Group support meeting tonight. Feeling more beleaguered now not less.

I've been feeling a bit odd the last couple of days. I got fixated on my bmi being too high and spent a few hours working out plans of how to get it back into 'underweight' before my next in person appointment. And yesterday purposefully didn't eat enough as a result of this. 😐

@FruityFrog hope you feel calmer today.

I had a pretty unpleasant MHT appointment on Friday, really pretty bullying tbh - just stick, no carrot - and I feel exhausted. I simply cannot stick to the plan they set out which is worrying me enormously for our next appointment.

@GrannyTeapot that is so difficult. I had a dietician appointment where he just would not stop arguing about why I should eat x item at y time, I kept explaining how it wasn't going to happen and he wouldn't budge. And now I feel like a failure because I've not been eating it! Try to do the best you can though, just a bit every day x

It sounds like people are having a torrid time of it. Sending out hugs.

I think a lot of people (practitioners included) just don’t really get the conditions at all. The duality of wanting to be better but not. The secret joy at being a certain way but knowing all of what that brings. Telling us to eat stuff (and we’ve had huge, blazing rows in the supermarket when I’ve refused to buy any food) just doesn’t work. I’m conflicted most of the time, which takes up so much brain space . Then you add in the guilt from
ruining family time/events, it’s never ending.

As well as Christmas it’s my birthday this month. Like Christmas, we haven’t done anything for years so I’m really going to try to have a bit of my free Marks cake and enjoy it. Small steps.

Thanks @FruityFrog that sounds difficult re the dietician too…it drains more from you doesn’t it.

@Northerndoglover the duality and juxtaposition is hard for us to get our heads around isn’t it, let alone anyone else. Do something just for you on your birthday - eat the cake, maybe a bath or nice walk, enjoy the You-ness of you.

I get my first supplement shakes from the GP tomorrow, going to try and have at least one a day (they want 3 but that would make me start juggling/limiting elsewhere I think right now, baby steps).

@Northerndogloverit was the brain space issue which really helped me start to recover.
I was so fed up with my ED consuming every single part of every day. The support from the ED team had helped me to feel stronger emotionally and given me the practical skills to make changes. Initially that was even more exhausting but very, very slowly the balance tipped - a small goal met led to feeling good (world did not implode), which gave me strength to continue. It was not linear.
Although I had a lot of support, the work and will came from me and it only really happened some years after I’d been discharged (not in physical danger, and got to end of road with therapy - just needed to act upon it).
You deserve to be well.

With bluntness “please don’t comment on what I am eating, I find it uncomfortable”

I'm feeling better this week. I'm eating more and trying to fixate less 😀

Hi! New here and would like to join for some mutual support!
I am 31, diagnosed with anorexia nervosa in September after being palmed off for a while by my gp. When I initially saw my GP my bmi was 16.5 when I was referred to the ED team it was 15.4 and subsequently dropped to 14. Now back up to 15 (threats of hospital and forcefully being signed off work made me really truly re evaluate my life).
however I am now really struggling with the perceived weight gain. I know I need to gain weight. I know I feel better mentally having gained some weight. I know I can function better and am less depressed. I also know I am still significantly underweight.
but I just do not see myself as being very underweight. Honestly I feel like the scale is wrong. I feel fat. I often think those that know about my diagnosis must think are you sure you don’t look that underweight ?
I know life is better when I eat. But why am I slipping back in to old habits again!
I am seen weekly by my ED team.
I have had periods of disordered eating in the past. It is a stress response and after a very difficult year it is my go to to help my cope with stressful situations. It’s a distraction and numbs my emotions. But in turn I know it makes everything worse.
I also know that really this has nothing to do with my weight. But that’s what it has become where I fixate on the fat in every place I can feel it. I feel panicky if I can’t feel a bone as prominently. How disgusting!
I really do hate this illness. I want my old life back but I am scared of losing full control too.

Hope everyone is getting through this time as well as they can be. Mince pies and hot cross buns are trigger foods for me and I haven’t eaten any mince pies so far. There have been a few rows over food where I’ve refused and that’s gone down like a lead balloon but in the grand scheme of things and compared to years gone by, things aren’t as bad as they could be.

My job was causing food and other issues and I resigned because of that. Then I got scared of how else I would burn that many calories in a day so I’ve rescinded my resignation. No one else knows that’s why I’ve rescinded it although I imagine my OH suspects.

Like others, I just want to be well. Not have to do a job that I’m not enjoying because it’s exhausting and burns energy. Not have to stress about the weather in case I can’t run. Not have to hide food so I can pretend I’ve eaten it.

How's it going for you all?
I'm exhausted and work is really challenging me at the moment. Work stress makes me skip lunch because it just seems less stressful. I think my therapist will be unhappy when I get weighed next week. Struggling to cope really.

Recovery is not linear.
I also find stress means I don’t eat, I just don’t feel hungry and just can’t be bothered.
But I do make myself because my running is so important to me. I don’t want to get injured.

This weather is making my mood really low. I cannot emphasise enough about food and eating. I repeatedly injured myself (and my chances of ever running long again really) by undereating when I was really running. It’s so important and there’s a lot of chat about it in the running community atm.

I think stress is key factor for appetite and when we feel out of control due to stressors, food is the first thing that is impacted negatively.

I don’t really know what to say to advise, I’m not the best advocate in this regard. Maybe have milky drinks, bananas, things that are easy to eat and palatable?

I keep deleting instagram but then reinstalling it (don’t ask!) and really damaging accounts are constantly coming up on my search page. It’s a hard time.

Thank you. I think we both know intellectually what we need to do. Behaviours and thought processes become ingrained and it's so hard to change.