Adult eating disorders support

[thesootherfairy]

Hi
Was inspired by the teen thread. Looks really supportive and was wondering if anyone else would like an adult support thread?

I'm 47. Have young pre-teen DC, a DH and a family cat. I work full time self employed. But I've had anorexia since I was 12. Had no help (not well known about back then so no help offered). Recently been diagnosed with anorexia.

Now face a 2 year wait for treatment.

And you?

I'm so sorry you're not doing so well.
My advice is to go to hospital and get yourself out of risk.
I imagine you know what you would need to do to start to recover, that none of it has worked and now you need support. It's ok.

@shumway a few years ago I got very unwell and was due to be admitted but pulled out as I could not face it. My protein levels were also very low as well as BMI. I did manage to get back to my level of safety but looking back hospital for a short stabilising admission would probably have been more sensible. Sorry you are in this difficult situation. What factors would make hospital difficult? Are they driven my the ED or your life and family situation? It was family for me, I couldn't bare leaving my child behind without me being there. It was also fear of the food there too if I'm honest.

@shumway awwwww I'm so sorry you're in this position. I agree, if you are in a position with regards to your family life to be able to go in the bite the bullet & go. In the long run you need to be well to be able to be there for your family. I've not been so ill that I've needed inpatient treatment so I can't imagine the kind of decision you have to make. As much as I'd hate to leave my kid I also know they wouldn't suggest it unless they thought it was absolutely necessary. Only you can make that call but try & think about it using rational you & not ED you. I really hope things turn around for you 😘

Thank you everyone. I don’t have any children or any dependents. I just feel like inpatient is a one size fits all type thing for more typical people and that it’s not going to be manageable for me.

@shumway I don't know how long you've been unwell or any past inpatient experience but I was surprised talking to the ward manager about my proposed admission. I was inpatient a lot in the late 90s and 00s where you went in for full recovery and were out of you didn't comply. I didn't comply so only ever got to a safe but stuck place. Treatment was black and white and I needed grey! Now it seems admissions are more individual and tailored to the persons needs. My admission was planned for 6 weeks so that I could introduce protein and reach a bmi that was specific to me, not charts.

I didn't take the scales and I can recognise how different I am compared to other holidays. Day to day at home it's hard to monitor improvements but being away I can take myself back to other holidays, a couple in the depths of my most unwell, to others where I was on the see-saw of non-linear improvements to now.

I did bring my tape measure so I can reassure myself I'm not going under some sort of metamorphosis that my eyes and clothes wouldn't enable me to see.

I am eating pretty well. My sons are healthy eaters so we have lots of good stuff. It's just us three so there's no pressure from anyone. They are an adult and teenager so accept differences in food intake. We are doing loads of exercise.

What I have noticed is that I am using eating as control when situations have made me anxious. Normal holiday things (some damage my son made in an airbnb, admin things at home that I need to sort out, my 14 yo being on his phone every opportunity). It's all on me.

"If I am strong in this [restricting] I will be able to handle [tricky thing]. If I seek comfort in food I will feel gross and my self esteem will plummet and I'll over-react to [tricky thing] and make a dick of myself".

It's ok - I recognise it. I won't slip further, I know how badly that goes.

@shumway how are things?

Still trying to turn things around and prevent an admission. Been having medical monitoring once a week at the hospital and meal support via Teams some days. Spoken to the dietitian. On waiting list for group therapy via Zoom. The community support team have asked me how they can help but I'm never sure what I'm supposed to suggest.

Hanging in then. You must be exhausted emotionally. Is the community support specific for EDs or MH in general?
Do you feel ready for recovery?

It's specific for EDs. I so want to recover and have been adding in an afternoon snack and a bedtime snack that the dietitian recommended and making sure my meals are more balanced and have proper carbs and protein but I'm still scared to let go and struggling/stuck/revert to safety in so many ways.

Oh well done @shumway
Being scared is OK. Sitting with that feeling and recognising that the world doesn't implode (it really doesn't!) is very hard but can give you so much strength.
I really, really do understand how hard it is to let go and the path is never linear.

Do you have company during the day and things to do to keep you and your mind occupied?

@shumway adding in two snacks that you weren't having before is amazing progress. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time. Recovery is a long process but it sounds like you've made a really positive start.

Thank you for your support. It means a lot.

Hi all, how’s everyone doing? @CharlotteBog would you describe yourself as “recovered” now (well, as much as one ever really can with this illness)

@cultureplanet I don't recognise your name.
Can you tell us a bit about why you're on this thread?

My beloved god daughter suffering but on the way to recovery. I would like to know what “recovery” looks like later down the line

@cultureplanet I would say everyone has a different recovery “journey”. For me personally it has been going back and forth. I will take maybe two steps forward and then go back several steps. It’s an ongoing process that will differ from person to person. I don’t think of myself as fully recovered at all. I do try but I don’t believe that I had a good Eating Disorder team. I’m now trying to do it without them. When/if a person with an Eating Disorder gains weight. It doesn’t mean that they’re recovered. That’s how the people at the ED clinic I went to saw it. It’s not just about the eating. It is very much affecting them mentally. I’m sure you probably know this. I would recommend looking at Ro Mitchell. She has been through Anorexia and has a YouTube channel and Instagram account that have been a support for me. Both Instagram and YouTube are Ro Mitchell. Elzani Singleton is another person on YouTube - Elzani Singleton and Instagram- Elzani_ They are good places to start when looking at recovery further on.

Hi all, just looking for some advice re changing therapist.
Brief background, I've been under my ED team for 9 months with anorexia. I'm in my mid 20's and my therapist and I have zero rapport, she doesn't really 'get' me and it's led to some uncomfortable interactions.
Her questioning style feels very abrupt and I always feel like I'm getting told off by a teacher.
Also when I'm honest about my ED thoughts she says things like "maybe this isn't the time for you to be here" and it's very off putting.
The thing is that I have a diagnosis of BPD also which doesn't fit anymore so I'm getting it reassessed but whilst the diagnosis is there the stigma is IYSWIM and I'm worried about being labelled as 'difficult'.
It's reaching the point where I'm now dreading going to therapy as I feel so uncomfortable and I'm not sure how to move forward. Anyone had similar experiences? Thanks all

Hi @CherryBerry99

I am sorry you are in the middle of anorexia and hope that the support from the ED team is helping you to find a way out.

What sort of therapist are you talking about?
During my first lot of support I saw a MH nurse trained in ED and later a clinical psychologist as well.
Oh and a psychiatrist (but that's for medicine rather than talking).

During my second lot I saw only a psychotherapist to start with and later a dietician.

My first treatment was excellent. I fully trusted them and even though I was not ready to recover while I was under their care, it has stuck with me and I use it all now. I'm struggling to write more actually as doing so makes it all quite raw.

My second lot was less effective. I just didn't click with the therapist. I felt she was prescriptive and (without wishing to sound pompous) I felt I was more intelligent than her and that I had to tell her what was and wasn't working. The first time, they just knew and would run each session accordingly. In the end I was getting so stressed about it, I gave up and started meeting with the dietician. It happens. When you are vulnerable and needing to open up to someone you have to trust them.

When she says "it's not the time to be here" do you think she might mean that you are not ready for recovery and thus therapy is counterproductive?

Apologies Charlotte,
It is a therapist specifically for eating disorders within my local eating disorder clinic.
I feel that she just doesn't get me at all, I'm constantly having to explain myself and her 'questioning/probing' feels almost accusatory in nature.
I do think she is alluding to it not being the right time for therapy, however she has been saying this the whole time I've been there. It's any time I openly discuss my ED thoughts and feelings. She doesn't give any advice, literally just the 'maybe this isn't the time' etc and it put me off opening up.
There's no space for emotions, it's just weight gain, restoration and food etc and I feel as though she just doesn't know how to deal with the emotionality of it if you get me

The dietitian is lovely tho, I have met with her once and she will be having more regular input in my treatment. We really clicked and she really understood me psychologically.
I think the therapist has sensed the lack of rapport as she has now said that I won't be seeing her for a month to focus on the work with the dietician.
I just need a clearer plan, feel like they aren't seeing me as an adult with capacity to understand my care

No need to apologise, there are so many health professionals.
Do you know if she psychologist, and what sort of therapy you are receiving?
You can ask for this information.

Is with the NHS? You should have been sent a copy of the letter that was sent to your GP when you were taken on by the ED service and also after 6 months.
This should show your therapist's title.

She is listed as a 'therapist in eating disorders' just. At the moment we are supposed to be doing CBT-E but we don't really seem to be following the guidelines for that either