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Eating disorders

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Adult eating disorders support

850 replies

thesootherfairy · 23/11/2020 18:02

Hi
Was inspired by the teen thread. Looks really supportive and was wondering if anyone else would like an adult support thread?

I'm 47. Have young pre-teen DC, a DH and a family cat. I work full time self employed. But I've had anorexia since I was 12. Had no help (not well known about back then so no help offered). Recently been diagnosed with anorexia.

Now face a 2 year wait for treatment.

And you?
Smile

OP posts:
Sickofthisshit84 · 13/11/2023 19:06

I started CBT-E in Jan but we abandoned it because of my adhd/asd. We're looking at working on my emotional regulation and impulse control before revisiting. My ED team in outpatients are happy for me to do that and emailed my therapist & GP last week to confirm this & that they'd take my therapy after I'd developed more of a 'toolbox' to manage myself with. I landed with the arrangement, I know atm it kind of let's me carry on as I am with my ED but last week when they were telling me what they wanted I felt like I was gonna have a full on melt down. My very reaction made me realise that what they were saying made sense. I've got a good relationship with my therapist luckily so that's a big help. Do you know if your therapist is backing off a bit because she sees you need to focus on things with your dietitician or because you don't seem to have a good working relationship with her. If it's because of how you work together would it be possible for you to ask to see someone else or is that not an option?

CharlotteBog · 13/11/2023 23:49

CherryBerry99 · 13/11/2023 16:28

She is listed as a 'therapist in eating disorders' just. At the moment we are supposed to be doing CBT-E but we don't really seem to be following the guidelines for that either

Oh right. Do you have a care coordinator and a care plan in place?
You do need to raise this. If it's not helping you then it's not a good use of your time and could be counter productive.
How often do you have a review of your care?

AuntyLouLou123 · 24/12/2023 00:00

Im a 30 something bulimic and my body is so less resilient than say 10 years ago due to my ED my last stint of outpatient treatment has left me pretty disillusioned but I’m doing ok atm, still have behaviours but they are manageable… I truly believe it’s me holding myself back like I’m unable to let go, I’ve tried so hard in therapy it just never seems to click with me like it has with others. It’s like I’m just so stubborn & self sabotage.

Sickofthisshit84 · 24/12/2023 08:16

@AuntyLouLou123 i feel you, I've been swinging between anorexia & bulimia all my life, this latest relapse has given me the label of a-typical anorexia because my bmi is still within the healthy range. I had my last appt last Monday until the middle of Jan (as long as my weight stays in the healthy range). Tbh I'm happy of the break from treatment/therapy. I've got a cracking team working with me this time but I feel further away from any kind of breakthrough than ever, I'm just tired & bored with it all & wanna be left alone. Hopefully this few weeks break will be what I need to engage properly with them in the new yr, either that or my little gremlin will take over altogether. I'm 40 next month & I totally feel you when you say your body can't cope with what you out it through as you get older, I definitely struggle more now physically than I did yrs ago.
I can't really give advice on how to get through this phase of being resigned to this being your life now, is it your team that you haven't clicked with or the treatment in general. If it's your team maybe ask if you can change them if it's possible or if its the treatment ten sit down with them & explain how you're feeling & maybe ask if there's a different way they could look at approaching things for you. Maybe a shake up will help give you a bit of a boost?

AuntyLouLou123 · 24/12/2023 11:04

@Sickofthisshit84 I feel you. I feel you so much. I think one of the reasons I struggle is because I struggle with purging behaviours regardless of “binge” or not. If I was underweight I think I’d be AN BP diagnosis but I’m normal BMI.

Sometimes a little break is good cause it gives you chance to stop feeling like you have to be trying to prove how hard you’re trying if that makes sense. I defo feel that post covid outpatient services have declined but I also get the I just wanna be left alone feeling too. Then I’m plagued with the thoughts of how did I get to this age and I’m still struggling with a “little girls illness”.
Ever wish you could be as kind to yourself as you are to others? Why can’t I have the same compassion for myself that I’m showing towards a complete stranger. We are doing our best and that’s all we can do.

Sickofthisshit84 · 24/12/2023 11:28

@AAuntyLouLou123 omg yes, if I took my own advice now & then I certainly wouldn't be in any kind of therapy I don't think.
Yeah you're right though we all muddle through some shape. I do purge alot as well, like if I have a cup of tea that's 'not allowed' it has to come back up, it's ridiculous man. I haven't binged for ages so because my bmi is still healthy they've given me the a-typical AN label. They know my current target & even though it takes my bmi to 17 they've have told me that they're happy for me to continue with my current treatment plan with my therapist to work on my emotional regulation & impulse control coz that's apparently hindering anymore progress. If I drop below my target (they know I will at some point) then I they're gonna basically take the reins again. They are a good team tbf I can act so petty & childish on times & they're so patient with me. I can't believe I'm like 40 & behaving like a petulant child 🤣 gotta laugh I suppose. It helps to remember that it's not us that's making us do & behave in this way it's the illness.
It's true what they say though about treatment being a bit of a postcode lottery. My last relapse about 10yrs ago was crap, no one seemed to want to bother & I just went round in circles, I ended up getting myself well on my own (wish I could remember how I did that now). This time round, it's taken me nearly 2 yrs but I've definitely got a better team working with me this time. They don't put up with my bullshit & I have to show I'm trying (which I really am) but I've also got a good rapport with them as well which has made alot of difference even if I am getting bored of it all atm.
I don't think this time of Yr helps either, everything is revolving round food & you feel like there's a spotlight on you whenever you eat.
I get what you mean about looking after ourselves mind, but do you find that engaging in the behaviours gives you a sense of calm, like that's how you interprete self care coz when you're fighting against the thoughts/feelings your head turns into a war zone & it's absolutely exhausting as well as stressful.

spearthatbroc · 18/01/2024 07:24

if the OP is still around, how are things now?

Smoothout · 06/07/2025 08:43

TheOrigRights · 13/11/2021 19:07

@thesootherfairy
Did your DH not ever see you naked?
I think so many of EDs signs and symptoms are easy to hide from others but it can't be hidden when naked.

How are you doing @TheOrigRights not heard from you for ages

LittleEsme · 06/07/2025 09:24

I’m 52 and have been bulimic since I was about 18. I had significant trauma in my early 20’s and became anorexic for a few years before the uncontrollable appetite returned. Binging and purging has been my comfort but I’ve had periods of healthiness (pregnancy). I’ve never been comfortable in my body despite being athletic and strong at times and competent at so many sports.

My teeth have taken a terrible battering because of my bulimia. I have, right at this moment, 3 crumbling teeth and a split that’s jagged at the rear of my front tooth. Anyday, my dentist is going to tell me that I’ll need dentures. All of these teeth are in my smile line too which is particularly embarrassing .

That’ll be devastating as I think I’m otherwise attractive-ish. if you are younger than me, please take heed - you will lose your teeth and your skin elasticity and your hair will drop out. Currently thinking of getting a wig.

FLuoxetine has helped me control the binges over the years. Good luck everyone.

CharlotteBog · 17/07/2025 10:52

Smoothout · 06/07/2025 08:43

How are you doing @TheOrigRights not heard from you for ages

I've had a name change. I don't recognise you - have you also name changed?

GrannyTeapot · 19/10/2025 08:04

Was just wondering if anyone fancies starting this thread up more again?
Supporting each other sounds like a good plan…I know I’m feeling even more isolated than usual.

CharlotteBog · 19/10/2025 11:15

Hello @GrannyTeapot
I'm happy to chat.
I'm so sorry you're feeling isolated.

GrannyTeapot · 19/10/2025 17:09

Hi @CharlotteBog 👋

Ahh, thanks. I think it’s the time of year - I’m the matriarch of my family now, there’s nobody left apart from me and my children, and whilst I’m lucky enough to have a couple of good friends we live hundreds of miles apart. I think if you can get a cup of tea and a blether with someone it does you the world of good.
How are you feeling?

D332015 · 20/10/2025 11:53

I am considering going to my GP - feeling pressure from my parents and sister (I'm in my 30s, but we still have a very close relationship).

I don't discuss my intake with them, but they have an idea of how much exercise I do (probably about half of the true amount...), and can see the physical changes. We've never said the words 'eating disorder', instead awkwardly talk around the issue.

I've always had a disordered relationship with food, swinging between periods of restriction, binging, and periods or relative normality.

Since March this year I've lost 75lbs, and for the first time in my life I'm now underweight. My periods have stopped, my hair is falling out, and I'm spending hours a day exercising while having a fairly low intake.

I have no interest in recovery/a referral to ED services/therapy right now, but I would want some sort of check to be able to say I'm not having medical complications etc. Is that something a GP can do?

Is there any point going to my GP in these circumstances?

GrannyTeapot · 20/10/2025 13:03

@D332015 you can always ask GP for a health check, bp/bloods etc - a bit of an MOT…it sounds like it would be a good idea. I’m in my forties and I get a yearly check with the nurse, but they were happy to do them in my thirties too. If you’re somewhere that is busier, don’t be fobbed off by a receptionist.
I’m a significant exerciser too, I think it hides ED from people more as they have an idea you’re being healthy…but they don’t know how much we are doing, all that it’s become a compulsion if it has.

Resiliencerequired · 29/10/2025 11:13

@D332015, I haven’t posted much on this board but did post a few weeks ago about going to see my GP. I suffered from anorexia in my early twenties and following 25 years of good health and no issues, it reared its head again last Christmas following a few stressful events and over the last 9 months, I’ve lost almost five stone in weight and am now underweight (BMI 16).

I booked some sessions with a private psychotherapist and dietician but am finding it very hard to make changes, although my weight is currently stable, but low. They strongly encouraged me to book a GP appointment and I have been referred to the NHS eating disorder service, as well as having bloods and an ECG done.

BMI is not the only measure of ‘wellness/illness’, your rate of weight loss is also a contributory factor. For me, I have lost about 35% of my body weight. This can cause cardio issues (your heart is a muscle too obvs) and I have experienced chest ‘pressure’ and shortness of breath with minimal exertion.

I hear you when you say you don’t want recovery - I too have an intense fear of gaining weight. I do eat, but have a rule about ‘no fat’ and very limited carbs, it’s very hard to change my mindset. I try and separate myself from my eating disorder and recognise the ‘I don’t want to put on weight’ as my eating disorder speaking - although easier said than done. My private dietician wrote to my GP and that was helpful to get the ball rolling - my GP was very kind. I don’t have much real life support.

I know what you mean about people thinking you are healthy with compulsive exercise. Last night I did a training run at my team sport session and was fastest by a mile, everybody was commenting on my fitness levels but in reality I’m way less healthy than the people at the back of the pack !

I would really encourage you to go to your GP but be clear about the rate of your weight loss as well as you overall weight. I have also found the ‘MANTRA’ book helpful from a mindset perspective even if practical application remains difficult.

GrannyTeapot · 29/10/2025 18:09

@Resiliencerequired your year sounds very similar to mine. Lost around the same amount, bmi now 16.5 - I only realised a couple of months ago how deeply the disordered thinking had dug its claws in. I don’t have any real life family/friend support, my GP emailed my CPN last week to re-prioritise me but I’m sat here trying to somehow “recover” feeling pretty isolated. I live v rurally so can’t find any support groups.
I am eating breakfast every day, and trying for lunch even if it’s just soup.

TennatInPlace · 29/10/2025 18:36

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Overdonecabbage · 03/11/2025 07:48

How is everyone doing?

GrannyTeapot · 03/11/2025 17:13

@Overdonecabbage I’m okay, though restricting quite a lot today as so busy. How are you?

FruityFrog · 07/11/2025 22:40

Hi. Id really appreciate some support on here. I'm early 40s and experiencing anorexia for the first time (probably!) and I'm finding recovery long and tough!

GrannyTeapot · 08/11/2025 11:15

@FruityFrog I’m here, I’m 46, never thought I’d become Anorexic and finding how to actually DO recovery v tough too. Do you have professionals around you?

FruityFrog · 08/11/2025 11:28

Yes, I'm in therapy and have had appointments with dietician. Basic problem is that I will eat 3 meals a day and a few snacks (although trickier when out of routine). But I'm still scared of gaining weight and also lack the appetite to eat the amount which will result in the weight gain they want. After diagnosis in the summer I gained a bit due to initial enthusiasm but I've lost a bit now and I'm worried that at next weigh in it will have dropped further and then I'll be 'failing' at recovery. @GrannyTeapot

GrannyTeapot · 08/11/2025 23:41

@FruityFrog you are definitely not failing! Even if you have dropped this next weigh in, it is a long journey with many one step forward two step back moments. Every day you are learning, and resetting/rewiring your brain and body, that’s an amazing achievement just trying, so please be proud of yourself. I was recommended the book “Rehabilitate, Rewire, Recover” it’s a very interesting read.

I am waiting to see a dietician, and my next CPN appointment (first since this diagnosis) is at the end of the month…but I have had full bloods done recently that came back fine thank goodness. My vision goes black regularly on standing up though as bp now so low and I am always SO cold!!! I hate it.

Northerndoglover · 17/11/2025 12:36

I’m just relatively new to posting on mn and I haven’t rtwt but just popping on here for a bit of support.

Long story short, I developed an eating disorder and exercise addiction about 10 years ago during a v stressful time at work. I then got physically ill and I overate which resulted in my weight restoring and since then I’ve slowly recovered. I’ve started a new (extremely physical) job in September which I have just got promoted in. This, along with my Dwife being ill and house concerns, has added to my stress levels. Consequently ED has raised its ugly head again. I haven’t eaten during the day for 2-3 weeks, only eating when forced to in evenings by DWife.

Shes concerned we are back to where we were a decade ago. Part of me is, part of me is glad the effects of not eating are there again.

Can recovery ever happen?

(I’m mid 40s btw so all of you who are saying you are similar ages, I feel you ❤️)