@D332015, I haven’t posted much on this board but did post a few weeks ago about going to see my GP. I suffered from anorexia in my early twenties and following 25 years of good health and no issues, it reared its head again last Christmas following a few stressful events and over the last 9 months, I’ve lost almost five stone in weight and am now underweight (BMI 16).
I booked some sessions with a private psychotherapist and dietician but am finding it very hard to make changes, although my weight is currently stable, but low. They strongly encouraged me to book a GP appointment and I have been referred to the NHS eating disorder service, as well as having bloods and an ECG done.
BMI is not the only measure of ‘wellness/illness’, your rate of weight loss is also a contributory factor. For me, I have lost about 35% of my body weight. This can cause cardio issues (your heart is a muscle too obvs) and I have experienced chest ‘pressure’ and shortness of breath with minimal exertion.
I hear you when you say you don’t want recovery - I too have an intense fear of gaining weight. I do eat, but have a rule about ‘no fat’ and very limited carbs, it’s very hard to change my mindset. I try and separate myself from my eating disorder and recognise the ‘I don’t want to put on weight’ as my eating disorder speaking - although easier said than done. My private dietician wrote to my GP and that was helpful to get the ball rolling - my GP was very kind. I don’t have much real life support.
I know what you mean about people thinking you are healthy with compulsive exercise. Last night I did a training run at my team sport session and was fastest by a mile, everybody was commenting on my fitness levels but in reality I’m way less healthy than the people at the back of the pack !
I would really encourage you to go to your GP but be clear about the rate of your weight loss as well as you overall weight. I have also found the ‘MANTRA’ book helpful from a mindset perspective even if practical application remains difficult.