11yr old nightmare with food

[queenjolo29]

I'm really struggling and wondering if I've left it to late with my 11yr old. He's a fusy eater like seriously fussy. He's very overweight from just eating shit 😔 I've just made homemade Mac n cheese and made him try abit. He literally tried HALF abit of pasta( if that )and was pyshically sick. 😑😑😑 He got really fussy from 3 1/2 years old. If I made him try anything he would be sick. Was so embarrassing when we was out I remember a few times he was sick because he eat a pea or something stupid like that. I kinda gave up just made him the stuff he ate while we had proper meals etc. I'm thinking of going to the docs with him because he's weight is really bad but what would they do?? 😔 Feeling like a failure has a mum tonight

What does he eat?

Pizza, sausages, stuff like that. Even that shit has to be a certain sausage or pizza or won't eat it😔I have two girls which are younger who eat anything and everything.

You haven't left it too late.
I think you have 2 issues to address. Portion size and food variety.
You can't fix everything at once.
Is there any pattern to the kind of food he is happy to eat? It's easier to start with something similar to what he already will eat.
My DD and my DSD have both been quite specific in their likes and both have found it easier to add more things to their safe foods once they had more control over their choices.
DSD would live off pasta and cheese sauce, DD would gag on it. But will eat cooked pasta with cheese on the side.

What does he eat at school?

He has packed lunch at school at the min, sandwich yogurt crisps darilyea dunker. That's what he has every day. He's just gone up to high school and they have a cafe so he's going to try the chips and pizza 😣so prob be that most days or packed lunches. I was thinking of slimming world but he won't eat anything at all 😣it's like banging my head against a brick wall.

Could you start by just lowering portion size before trying to change the actual foods. Is your issue with the food or that he is overweight? Choose good quality versions of the foods he will eat

Does he eat any fruit or veg?

Does he do any exercise?

He doesn't have anything healthy no veg no fruit nothing. He does football out side of school on a Thursday and Sunday, he rides his bike to and from school and he goes out on his bike at weekends with his friends.

My 12 year old son is VERY fussy also. He will not eat fruit, veg, pasta, rice, eggs and much more. I spent years worrying about his health and trying different ways to persuade him to try more variety of foods.
I now worry less. He has fruit juice and a multivitamin in the morning. I give him wholemeal everything (bread, tortillas, pizza base etc), reduced fat sausages/burgers, and have taken to grating carrots into things he likes (stuffing balls, turkey taco mince, meatballs). He can see the grated carrot & knows it's there but eats it begrudgingly - I think as he's getting older, he's getting a bit fed up with my nagging re. Veg & is giving in a bit
Basically, I now try to make healthier versions of the food he does like & tell him that if he won't eat fruit & veg, he has to put up with my low fat/wholemeal versions.
He is NEVER Ill though - which is baffling!

My DD is the complete opposite- her favourite foods are sprouts, green beans & broccoli

You are not a failure at all. It sounds a bit more serious than just "fussy eating" so I think a trip to the GP might help. A friend of mine has a "fussy" DD who sounds like your son, she would be sick trying new things, physically shake and cry etc. It's an eating disorder, not just fussy eating and it isn't your fault but he does need help. In the meantime, could you introduce some more exercise? It might help with making changes if he starts to see food and good nutrition as fuel?

Would he be interested in helping to prepare some food? For example if he likes pizza, could you chop up some different veg etc and let him choose and see that it is nice on the pizza with cheese? Or if he likes chip, shop him how to make wedges and choose the seasoning etc. Let him see that he can make things he likes and have total control over what goes into it?

Thank you for your reply. Think that's a good way to go. I have changed his pizza already instead of ready made ones from shops I'll make wrap pizzas. I think I just thought he would grow out of it when he's older. Maybe he will I dunno. Will defo try and change sausages to low fat ones. Will have a good think about other stuff too. Thanks for your reply.

Being sick from trying a tiny amount of pasta oe eating a pea is not fussy eating. I would go to the GP as both the weight and the eating need to be tackled.

Is he interested in cooking or planning his own meals? Perhaps feeling more in control of food choices might make him more relaxed about "new" foods or foods that are not the ones he tolerates at the moment?

What would happen if you refused to make him his own food and he had to eat what was cooked for everyone else?
Does he make himself sick on purpose? Sounds like a learned behaviour to be honest.
I don't think it's too late but start making some changes. Definitely start with reduced portion sizes. And maybe worth a visit to the GP to see what they recommend.

I don't think he will just grow out of it to be honest. I also don't think it will be a quick fix, I think some really small, gradual changes are the way to go but I think you can do it. But you're not a failure, you're a good mum for looking for ways to fix this.

Slowly reduce his food intake

I think your first mistake is making him try stuff. Stop doing that. Let him eat what he wants without making it an issue. Try to relax about food. The more relaxed an atmosphere you can create the more likely he'll eventually try things. When he's ready to. Try inviting his mates round and offering them veg etc and sit back and watch the miracle of gentle peer pressure. Don't force it. He's still very young in the great scheme of things and his tastes will change. The more he sees not eating healthily as a way to rebel the longer it will go on. The less you care the easier it will get.

I feel your pain.

My daughter (my middle child) grew up eating crackers, cheese, bread and yogurt. No fruit or veg and no real meals. It was awful. My eldest and younger child would eat anything.
I got a play therapist in when she was about 5. She explained I was getting stressed out about it, which was making the whole thing an issue, and therefore Dd was becoming fixated on it, as was i.
So I basically got dd involved in cooking. She ‘helped’ me. I made it sound like I needed a quick help with things so I boosted her and thanked her for the ‘help’.
She’s 13 now, eats most things, although is strictly vegetarian which is fine. She cooks brilliantly and is interested in nutrition.
I never thought this would come.
Change your approach. Never ask him to get new things but put food out in a buffet style on the table. He will graze. He probably won’t overeat either. Get him involved. Get friends round for tea, and quietly chat to other mums and ask if he can go there.

Good luck. It really is an emotional strain at this stage but it will get better