Needing to take someone else to the clinic?

[Sorka]

I’m a single woman hoping to start IVF soon using donor sperm. I’m not ready to tell anyone else yet. My clinic are insisting that I need to take someone with me on egg collection day, and stay with me for two days.

I can’t stress enough how much I don’t want this. Even if I did have and want someone to act as a taxi service and carer for two days, the name of the clinic is such a giveaway there’s no way I could maintain confidentiality.

I think this is massive overkill. I don’t think the clinic are listening to me and I’m so stressed and frustrated by this. I can’t be the only single woman in the world in this position who values privacy.

Has anybody else wanted to go to the clinic alone? If so, were you successful?

My wife had her eggs retrieved and I went with her, she felt quite poorly after and definitely needed someone with her.

I can understand your situation, but I doubt there is a way round it, you need someone to be there to at least take you home and sit with you a few hours after.

Good luck on your journey. Xx

I had to let a friend in on what was going on with my first IVF round, for this exact reason. I would have preferred not to, but because of the sedation they wouldn't have let me leave on my own - I didn't have to have someone with me for two days, though. They maaaaaybe would have let me stay at the clinic all day and then leave on my own at the end of the day but they were not at all keen on the idea (and, as it turned out, by the end of the day I was very much feeling ready for a lie down - I live a couple of hours away from my clinic by train so that would have been an epic pain in the arse to be travelling while feeling grotty). So, in the end I got my friend to come and pick me up - she didn't have to be there the whole time - but I did have to tell her what I was doing because the clinic logo is literally like an egg and sperm cell so she was kind of going to figure that out.

The only options I can really see for you are a) tell someone and take them along, b) throw some money at the problem - is there a way to hire someone to take on the job? - or c) see if you can talk your clinic into doing your retrieval without sedation (which would probably not be fun but which would avoid the post-sedation protocols).

Good luck!

Thanks both. I think those are the only options unfortunately. This is hard enough without this added problem sigh

And thank you for the good wishes

Thinking about it I remember trying to hatch various plans to get round the requirement, but I kept coming back to the fact that under twilight sedation it's really common to say stuff you don't remember later - so I was convinced I'd accidentally confess!

I will say that for me, telling a friend worked out fine. She was very discreet and understanding and totally happy to help by coming along.

I hope you manage to work something out!

Tell someone, they can support you. I've had four egg collections and three were fine, but for one I was in agony afterwards, no way I could have got myself home and definitely needed someone there to look after me.

Thank you.

@katniss I don’t want to tell anyone. That’s the point. Other people may find including others supportive, but I consider this to be deeply private and find this breach of my confidentiality intrusive.

That's fair enough @sorka but I don't mean emotional support. I mean practical support if you're in as much pain as I was and can barely walk/completely unable to drive. Perhaps you need to ask about paying an overnight fee and staying at the hospital for the 24 hours post anaesthetic. I don't think they'll discharge you alone.

I totally agree - only my mum knows and if she hadn't been able to come and pick me up, I would have had the same dilemma.

My plan B was to order a cab and tell the clinic "someone is coming to pick me up later and take me home - I've asked them to come at the time the op is scheduled to finish" (not a lie...).

Chances are you will feel fine (I was back to normal within a few hours and at work the next day ,and most people I've spoken to have said the same). However the clinics' rule exists for the minority who do have issues, so it might be worth thinking about what you'd do if you were one of those - is there someone you could call/confide in at that stage?

Try to hire a doula, usually for births but will do general support.

Or can you stay in hotel very nearby? If it's London prob quite possible. Then you can get a taxi and have room service etc. It just depends on how much the clinic insist on the person picking you up. Can they pick you up in a car ie taxi or do they have to come in and get you?

I guess the clinic don't want to leave themselves open to any legal action if you were unwell after egg collection (maybe with OHSS or a reaction to the anaesthetic).
My clinic was quite a journey from home so I was glad to have DH there to drive me home, but otherwise have not told anyone of our IVF, so can quite understand your desire for privacy.
If the clinic were forward thinking there must be a business opportunity there!
I think hiring a doula or carer might be the most straightforward option in your case.

Good luck with your treatment 💐