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Donor conception

Do I tell midwife/medical staff that I used DE

18 replies

isthismummy · 19/01/2018 10:28

Hoping for some advice please.

Just found out that I am pregnant following DE treatment. I absolutely delighted of course, but now wondering how much I need to tell medical staff regarding it being a DE pregnancy? What are the advantages/disadvantages of telling? What did other people in my position choose to do?

I'd be really interested in hearing people's thoughts. I'm really unsure at the moment.

OP posts:
Wetwashing00 · 19/01/2018 12:22

What is DE treatment?

OptimisticHamster · 19/01/2018 12:29

The age of the donor would be used in risk calculations if you gave it to them. Not sure what else. Didn't use a donor but did have frozen embryos so I told them for that purpose.

isthismummy · 20/01/2018 10:01

How did they react OptimisticHamster?

OP posts:
OptimisticHamster · 20/01/2018 14:36

It was a few years back now so can't remember too much. Seem to recall they were all a bit thrown by how to add it in.

Hoping someone with actual DE experience will be able to help you! Are you on any forums like FertilityFriends? (the uk one)

EarlGreyT · 20/01/2018 17:39

OptimisticHamster I think they’d have used your age at the time of egg collection (as opposed to your age at the time of embryo transfer) in the risk calculation for the combined test. That’s what they do now at least.

Isittimeforbed · 20/01/2018 17:51

Congratulations! DE pregnancies are at slightly higher risk of various conditions like pre-eclampsia/gestational diabetes but all those things should be picked up with routine screening anyway. The nuchal scan statistics would be affected, but presuming your donor is younger than you would make the risks higher, so only really an issue if they're high enough to suggest you need further testing. I would base your decision on whether you're planning to tell people about using donor. If you don't want to tell the child or family then don't tell the hospital, as once you have you can't take that information back. You can always disclose it later if it becomes relevant. Staff may be more understanding if you have anxieties about your pregnancy, but just telling them it's IVF should mean they understand those concerns.

Isittimeforbed · 20/01/2018 17:51

Congratulations! DE pregnancies are at slightly higher risk of various conditions like pre-eclampsia/gestational diabetes but all those things should be picked up with routine screening anyway. The nuchal scan statistics would be affected, but presuming your donor is younger than you would make the risks higher, so only really an issue if they're high enough to suggest you need further testing. I would base your decision on whether you're planning to tell people about using donor. If you don't want to tell the child or family then don't tell the hospital, as once you have you can't take that information back. You can always disclose it later if it becomes relevant. Staff may be more understanding if you have anxieties about your pregnancy, but just telling them it's IVF should mean they understand those concerns.

eurochick · 20/01/2018 17:54

You should tell because at booking they take a medical history. Obviously some of that will be less relevant on the side of the donor. If you know anything about the donor's history, that would be relevant.

ThisMumActuallyRuns · 31/03/2018 20:16

I was totally upfront about DE with all medical staff whilst pregnant, and everyone was nothing but supportive and straightforward about it. We know our donor, so I was lucky to be able to give a lot of family health information that I realise isn’t always possible.

I went from a starting point of why wouldn’t I tell them rather than why would I, and when my pregnancy was very difficult in the first trimester, knowing the background I think helped them understand my anxiety.

DD now 21 months, and I wouldn’t have done anything differently.

ThisMumActuallyRuns · 31/03/2018 20:16

PS Huge congratulations!

Tailfeather · 31/03/2018 20:29

Congratulations! ThanksThanksThanks

I would probably be open about it. I had ivf and only had one shot, which luckily worked, but as it was my one chance i was really anxious about the pregnancy which was considered high risk. I think if I hadn't been open about how much it meant to me and how much was riding on it they would have thought I was a bit mad! But thankfully they were really understanding and patient with me. They did full bloods and I had tests early and they discovered I had gestational diabetes at 9 weeks. It's usually tested much later.

pickle162 · 03/04/2018 09:58

Yes, you may well be under consultant care throughout pregnancy with DE.
It is also relevant for any anomaly screenings.

I had donor sperm iui and everyone has been very open minded about it all so can't see any reason not to tell them

Huge congratulations :)

Cutesbabasmummy · 04/04/2018 11:24

Congratulations! Yes do tell them because as other posters have said it puts you at higher risk of high blood pressure, pre eclampsia etc. And agree also that they use the donor's age to work out your risk of Down's syndrome. xxx

greenlizard · 07/04/2018 15:01

Congratulations! I have had two DE babies and gave full disclosure of the circumstances of conception - like other posters have said it allows the best clinical decisions to be made. I am not sure I understand why you wouldn't share the info? But if helps no-one seemed even remotely bothered or surprised by it.

FancyNewBeesly · 07/04/2018 15:05

Congrats :)

It seems like you have concerns about telling them but I’m not sure what those would be? I work in the maternity service locally and I can’t see it would have detrimental results for you?

EarlGreyT · 07/04/2018 22:14

@FancyNewBeesly and @greenlizard. I think the reason people are reluctant to share this information is fear of being judged.

Egg donation is still a fairly unusual thing to to and you only have to look at responses to threads with anything related to infertility on here and the prevalence of the “why don’t you just adopt?” suggestion to understand why the OP might be reluctant to mention her use of an egg donor.

TheVanguardSix · 07/04/2018 22:19

Congratulations! That is wonderful news!

Just echoing other responses.
Be transparent. It's your baby. You want optimum care.
They won't even bat an eye, OP. They're there to make sure you have a healthy pregnancy and a healthy, happy baby.

Persipan · 08/04/2018 09:43

EarlGrey, the people I've mainly come across who were reluctant to share the information with medical professionals were those who didn't want to tell their child about their being donor conceived - in that situation people often become hyper-aware of the information being on record anywhere. My personal preference would be towards transparency, but I've certainly encountered people who are choosing a different approach.

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