#makeithappen TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided. All welcome. Thread 7

[kwick]

This thread is for anyone trying to conceive... or thinking about doing so through donor IUI or donor IVF. Nothing TMI - feel free to join, we are a lovely group here to support and help keep the cray-cray away!

Here is the link to the previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/donor_conception/2863056--makeithappen-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-Thread-6

Here is the link to the one before that: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2832207--makeithappen-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome
Here is the link to the one before that one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2769549-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen-loadsofBFPs
Here is the link to the thread before that: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2688511-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen
Here is the link to the one before that one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2587046-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome
And the one before that!: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1877198-Donor-IUI

thesun.uk/61868dpKM

Just came across this....£10!!!!! Mmmm bet that donor had rigorous tests 🙄

Bloody hell!! Well at least the babies are related!!!

Wow @pickle that article makes me so sad. Def no checks! I'm a bit scared that we can do that kind of think in the UK. Just buy sperm like that online and a home DIY kit.

The story is all about them being pregnant at the same time - there is no mention about the safety and legality of doing it this way and no info on any safer alternative for people who might read the article and think of following the same route. Slightly worrying...

But definitely a good deal!!!!

Oh pez! Haven't looked at the thread today so just seen your posts! So glad you're OK, that sounds really scary, you must have felt very shaken. Especially in the middle of the night. Massive hugs x

Pez, that sounded very scary, I'm glad you're ok! Thanks for sharing, there's so many things you don't know are possible until you do this. I remember Karen saying she felt like she had a UTI - didn't realise it was that bad!

Karen massive sympathy for the allergies. I always feel sorry for pregnant colleagues who can't take cold medication but at least that only lasts a few days. Does it help if you put stuff round your nose (like Hay Max) to catch some pollen and wear tight fitting sunglasses? I never had hay fever until I lived in London, I think I'm allergic to the plane trees and now I cycle it gets me for a couple of weeks, but really not that as badly as some people.

The Sun - it's even worse than them not describing the alternative. I clicked on a link in that article to the story about the National Sperm Bank closing and in that article there was a link to another story: "Worryingly, some couples had been risking turning to unregistered sperm banks to fulfil their dreams of having children."

Guess where that link takes you? To a story about the London Sperm Bank and the fact they launched an app. "Unregistered"!!

Apologies if my post before was a bit insensitive... just shock at what they had done and the luck they have had. Really do not think article is at all paving way for better fertility relations as a) loads will try and do the same with the associated risks and b) makes it all look so easy

pez how are you feeling today?

Not attempting to keep up with thread... sorry. Am in limbo land and this is impacting my threading prowess.

Shit reporting aside, I thought it was quite sweet they had them at the same time! Although I wonder how it affects the family dynamic - if each one defaulted to caring for the baby she'd given birth to then it would be less like they were both mum to both?

I did t think it was insensitive! Maybe I'm insensitive...

Understand about the threading

Didn't

I know of a couple of girls doing the same thing (they're not friends, just on a gay mums facebook page I'm on) with the same at home DIY method. One is about to drop any day and the other in December. Sounds insane to me but I guess each to their own. Definitely wouldn't be my method of choice or timing.

The body is a clever old thing, if you're breastfeeding it tends to stop your periods coming back, which is a survival tactic. Your body knows you're too busy looking after the baby to be getting pregnant and having another baby. Nature is a clever old thing.

Morning, I did what Karen said and went to the loo 3 times during the night and it's been fine. I definitely feel some pressure and some cramps after emptying my bladder as I guess things move out of place slightly. And no, they definitely don't tell you this can happen!

I had no idea pregnancy could also have an impact on your voice!!! My vocal cords have been so dry these past 3 days that it's a bit of an effort to speak

Learning new stuff everyday!

And I think that's sad that there is such a penury of donor sperm in this country that people have to turn to using unsafe methods. Let alone the possible future implications for the child of using a known donor. Of course, each to their own but to me it shows how the existing safer options aren't accessible to everyone longing for a child - not everyone can save enough £££ to go down the route of using a fertility clinic...

Have had experience of using private donor... This has mostly been exploring and trying on a few occasions to conceive via a co parenting route. In my case not a pregnancy. However with one person it was a disaster so breathed a sigh of relief when it didn't work. This was probably my poor judgement as at that time had just found out my chances of conceiving were v slim. I had a low amh and found out had endo, had the op and the recovery took longer than expected. I was vulnerable, in a stressful job and couldn't communicate my difficult emotions very well with family and friends

However after recovering from op before ivf had met some genuine guys who really wanted to be a parent and it could have worked had my crap fertility had been ...well not quite so crap and realising my best chance was to go ahead with treatment ... I think it's difficult for broody men not in a relationship esp if surrogacy or adoption isn't an option. I met 1 such man with a really heartbreaking past who had so much to offer a child but couldn't let him take a risk on me with my low chances of conception. I didn't go exploring that route to counsel but it certainly opened my heart and mind to different situations and was a very searching time.Have several female friends ( some partnered, some not) who would love a family/it's now too late for them but definitely wanted it with all their heart. Its a great sadness. With treatment they d have had a shot, i throw everything but kitchen sink at it but with probably much lower chance. Ivf on NHS becoming even more of a rarity for couples now too.

Of course sites that are advertised as a co parenting site, like the one of same name, but are anything BUT are much more worrying.

I think money is a huge issue. Fertility treatment is expensive, many folks don't have the money but are desperate. Websites like pride angel ( this is where the couple in media story found their separate donors)advocate for using a fertility clinic for iui so all relevant tests can be done, but others on there will try privately based on building up a trusting co parenting partnership .....altho obviously this couple found sperm donor only arrangement. Of course it's not without its risks but maybe true of any road to parenthood.

Just a different view.
Not my go to choice though and fortunately can fund more treatment for myself......just hope I don't spend it all before I have success again.

I signed up for co-parenting site wayyyyy way before I discovered donor clinics etc. I didn't even know it was possible to do it this way until I was sitting on the beach on holiday and googling the hell out of it 18months ago
Kinda wish I'd known about it sooner so I could have been a bit better with money when I was younger but suppose i needed to shop carelessly when in 20's

Knowing how much I worry about things I'm glad I'm doing it this way then I know everything is safe

I have several gay friends who would/will be amazing parents but are single & surrogacy is their only real option. Even more expensive. One of them offered me ages ago but then got into a ltr and decided it would be too tricky for his partner. The other lives in Brazil or I would SO be having his baby. It can def work. I feel like the "they only paid £10 line" was sensational and ridiculous. Yeah cuz that's normal!

So I just got my LH surge... which is a day earlier than last month But then I thought last month was late. So much for like clockwork!

I nearly tested in the middle of the night but talked myself out of it now I wish I had!!!

Now what were we saying about bodies being a pain in the arse Phoenix? Regular as clockwork until you need to be. This won't affect days in Denmark will it?

Pickle I know! 3 years of almost the same thing & the month before it freaks out. Won't change Copenhagen thankfully as I booked buffer days on either side. So as long as nothing else weird happens I should surge the day I fly and then IUI 14th or 15th. (I can't remember if their protocol is 24 or 36 hours.)

At least I surged I guess. That would worry me more.

My ovaries knew when I'd booked flights in advance to Copenhagen... it was the only month I didn't ovulate within 1 day either side of my usual timing. Good luck! There's no point worrying about it and if you have to change a flight at the last minute then so be it.

Phoenix my iui planned for 15th may- we may be exact day cycle buddies 😁so exciting

Just arrived back to London - blimey it is as cold here as up North!!! Got annihilated (again) on train playing nephew at Risk... I think I need to start reading up on how to get better at playing...

Hope everyone has had a great Easter. If I get my act together when I get home I am going to do face masks and long soak etc

Shoes - I've booked two different returns for that very reason!

Pickle that's so crazy! How exciting!

Welcome home kwick

I am really quite bored today, I should be doing stuff like washing but think I'm just going to have a nap. These last few days of waiting to start are exhausting (&boring!!)
Looking forward to meeting a lot of you on Sunday 😊

Can i ask another question please ?

I broached the topic of donors with my folks after learning how expensive adoption looks and then hit a rather solid wall of disapproval/moral stuff ... how do you all cope/ challenge the reaction of family and others?

My dad particularly baulked at embryo freezing, harking back to our Christian beliefs and that life starts the moment the egg is fertilised, so basically I'd be freezing "beings" (I've got my own head around it and mean NO offence)

Argh ... I genuinely don't think I'll ever afford adoption and with my unreliable fertility, really am thinking this is an "only hope" situation to explore and consider

Or do you just not tell anyone?!

Lewis - sorry you've been met with some negativity from your parents

I have to admit I've been very lucky on this front. Aside from my SIL and one of my good friends feeling that I should keep trying to find a man for a bit longer, and worrying that being a single parent will be a hard life (so their concerns came from a place of wanting me to be happy), I haven't met with any any negativity.

Apparently my aunt and uncle weren't impressed when my parents told them my plans but as I rarely see them I'm just not that bothered.

I would suggest that you do keep telling people, because if your experience is anything like mine you'll get lots of lovely positive responses and votes of confidence which will make you feel good about what you're doing and maybe if your parents are aware of the support you've got elsewhere for what you're doing they might just become more used to the idea.

Hope you enjoy a nice afternoon/evening of pampering Kwick