Help with narcissistic ex taking joint funds

[Whatawonderfulworlditwouldbe]

Hi, hope it's OK to post for some advice for my friend (a bit worried that ex has tabs on her phone so I'm posting for her).

Splitting up with ex husband - she's been away this weekend for work and while away, he's changed the locks (jointly owned house), refused any access to their child (10yo, v anxious/sen), and taken everything out of the joint account.

We're on it with police social services etc but trying to work out the practicalities of the joint account in that
A) she has no access to joint funds (does have access to some money in private account he can't access)
B) all the direct debits go out of said joint account, two are going tomorrow (under £50) but then mortgage goes out next week and is £££
Ex is probably not aware that this will be happening as she has always sorted all the finances. Money is definitely both of theirs in that all salaries etc go in to that, she's been squirelling bits and pieces away and has now changed her salary to go into private account.

What can we do? She's talking to the bank to let them know. Changing credit card (hers but he has access). I've said get child benefit and DLA payments to go into her account.
Anything else? Any other bright ideas? Mortgage holiday? The intention is for her to move out - she has a place agreed but now needs proof of funds which of course he's bloody screwed up (hopefully between proof of salary etc we'll get there but another unnecessary stress!).

We'd really appreciate any advice or support - I've been trawling the boards for wisdom but this is really unknown territory!

Why is she moving out if she owns half the house? Get a locksmith out to change the locks so she can get in!!

Moving out when an ex is so obstructive, has effectively stolen money, and is also impeding child contact sounds like a massive mistake. Unless she is at physical risk of course, in which case the child needs to go with her.

In the meantime, locksmith as suggested above.

If she is the claimant of the child benefit then absolutely she should get it paid into her bank account, if the ex is the claimant she can’t. She will need to make a competing claim for CB.

Get on to the mortgage people first thing tomorrow - the last thing she needs is a default/ arrears.

Occupation order and STBXH needs to be invited to the Police Station.

To paraphrase that well known saying its all very well to be thought of as an abusive twat but why FFS does he have to go out and prove it.

I might add BTW that when I got divorced I was very careful NOT to give my ex any ammunition

She has a place agreed, so clearly that was already planned? Was she going to take their child without discussing it first? Maybe that's why he's changed the locks and keeping the child.

How much was in the joint account?

Moving out for several reasons, not least that he's so bloody awful and abusive (not physically so far but tbh I'm worried it's going that way).

Conversations had been had about her moving out and them splitting child care so it wasn't out of nowhere. He has no idea (as far as we know) that she'd looked at or been accepted for a place.

Money - over £8000.

Why would the police be involved.

legally for a joint account both parties own one hundred percent of the money but are legally entitled to withdraw it all, it would simply be taken into account for a financial settlement in divorce,

as for the house, barring entry would be a civil matter not a criminal one. As is refusing access to a joint child.

there are steps the ops friend can take, but not the police.

That's why I'm here - what are the steps! Any advice appreciated!

AI states

Coercive or Controlling Behaviour
Under the Domestic Abuse Act 2021, economic or financial abuse used to punish, isolate, or control is a criminal offence.
Police will investigate if the emptying of the account is part of a pattern of domestic or economic abuse.

Given what has happened ie she has been excluded from the matrimonial home and not allowed contact with her child, plus the resultant fall out over the Mortgage, Direct Debits etc then I suggest that there is domestic or economic abuse then The olice should take action.

What do you think is a police matter?

it’s shitty behaviour to clear out a joint account but it is joint money. You can’t steal your own money. This and changing the locks are not police matters.

There is no evidence of financial abuse as the wife had access to the account and managed their financial affairs.

They have practice issues to resolve and further escalation will make it impossible to resolve them. It is also pointlessly exhausting. Neither the police or the social services will do anything. She needs to see a solicitor and apply for emergency orders.

See my latest post as to why its a Police matter.

I would suggest that if the friends partner is suddenly faced with an interview under caution it may get the message over that what he has done has serious consequences.

he may of course be a complete idiot and not get it as many do but in that case he's heading for prosecution and all the consequences of that.

Thank you for this. To be clear re solicitor - what emergency orders are we looking at?

The question is what you want the orders to do

I suggest

1 Get back in the house
2 Get the partner out of the house
3 Reinstate contact with her child
4 Sort out the financial mess as a result of the partners behaviour