Separating with 4 kids and another on the way….

[PreggoMumo4]

Me and my husband are splitting up. I have 4 children ages 6, 5, 2 & 1 and am 13 weeks pregnant with number 5.

My husband was spiteful yesterday and told me he doesn’t love me anymore. I don’t believe it’s true and I do believe he will come back to me, but honestly, I feel like I’ve forgiven so much maybe I should just accept it and leave.

But the thought of being single with 5 kids seems so scary. It’s going to be challenging with school runs, clubs etc, and I suffer with Hyperemisis so the thought of doing that right now seems impossible… but what’s scaring me even more is the thought of being single forever. Because who wants someone with 5 kids right???

You are pregnant with 4 kids and you are already worrying about being single. I mean, where to start? I don’t think I have it in me to even start!

With 5 children unless your husband is abusive I just don’t think you are setting yourself and your children up for a better life by leaving.

How will you work and finance yourself? How can one parent possibly be in all the places you need to be to offer 5 children what they need to succeed in life?

Unless he is abusive (or you are a very high earner who can afford a nanny/housekeeper or equivalent help) I think you should think long and hard about this and the impact on your children.

I think you need to stay and make your marriage work.

Gosh. Thats a lot. I reckon if he’s said that he probably is often vile. I’m sorry you’re in this situation

Has he been this way for the last (about) 7 years?

Presumably there is more too it than “spiteful”?

This is obviously not my focus. I am a great mum, my whole life revolves around my children. They are the light of my life. I don’t drink, I don’t go out, I do clubs with them every day after school, some days 2 x clubs an evening. I feed them healthy food, and I always do fun things with them.
But am I not allowed to feed scared at the thought of being single with 5 kids???

Thank you so much ❤️ our relationship has been a battle. We’ve been together since we were teenagers. He treated me very badly at the start but grew up a bit. It’s only recently I’ve realised he hasn’t changed, he just does his bad behaviours less…

His outburst yesterday was on our son’s 1st birthday. I had to do the whole party and everything on my own 🫠

Oh yes! I’m emotionally drained so can’t even sit and type this out.

It was our son’s 1st birthday and he literally just woke up in a bad mood. He was going out of his way to create an atmosphere and wouldn’t give off his switch to help me tidy for people coming round. When I challenged him on it he got very spiteful. Saying things to hurt me. He then left without me knowing and didn’t come back so I did all the party and trick or treating on my own 🤗

On the day you’re ending your marriage? I mean sure you’re “allowed” to feel however you wish to but unusual to say the least

It’s just a feeling. Not a plan.
Unless you’ve become single with 4 kids whilst pregnant I’m not sure you’d understand 😬

This isn’t a situation I would be wanting to bring a fifth child into 😢

Can you afford to stay in your home? Do you have the means to support 5 children financially and practically? Do you have other family support?

I would be scared too, and thinking about ways to make it slightly easier.

The first step is to sort out housing. Do you own your house jointly / are you joint tenants? Who is going to move out? Can you afford the mortgage / rent on your own? Do you have enough in savings to cover maternity leave?

If you need social housing, I guess you’d be high on the list given your family size, but I don’t know if that’s how it works. Hopefully someone with more knowledge will come along and advise.

Best of luck.

I hear you and it’s nice to hear from an angle of logic.

I run my own business so finances are not an issue for me thankfully, and I already have a housekeeper.

I just don’t know whether keeping them around a toxic relationship is any better?

Yes, that will be challenging. You’ve got some really young kids aswell, so you are clearly in the trenches right now.

in your shoes I would sit down and do some calculations. If you are not married then if you split you’d be entitled to child maintenance but it is not a lot of money.

if you are a billionaire then you should hire help. Hell if you are a billionaire hire help anyway.

The only advice I have is a practical one. Focus on finances and housing. Where will you live and how are you going to pay for it. That's the key.
Clubs, school run and all the other stuff will either fall into place or away.

I assume your husband is working FT, so you are already doing the lions share of caring for the children....

One wonders why you actively chose to have so many children with him

i have little sympathy in these situations - you presumably knew what you were getting into after child 1, 2, 3 and 4

Of course you are scared, the future is uncertain. You've had some very odd responses, OP. Do whatever you need to do to provide for yourself and your children but I wouldn't be rushing to leave the family home. Will husband move out?

Tell me about it… if only I had known 😬

I run a successful business so money actually isn’t an issue for me and I have a huge family support network.

My head says it’s doable but wish my heart could catch up with it 🤣

I think you will have a miserable life as a single parent with 5 kids . It’s not short term either as the 5th hasn’t even been born . I’m foreseeing an absent father and a running a business and no time for each child individually

Like any couple, it’s not been an easy ride, but we love each other deeply. Our children are very loved, and very well looked after and we are both great parents who put our all into them.

We both come from big families, I never could have foreseen this.

I mean I’m going to be brutal

get a termination and sterilised at the same time would be what I was doing

no way would I have this man back and 4 kids is a lot never mind another one.

Thank you ❤️ definitely thought this forum would be flooded with support but seems some facebookers have made their way over 🤣

Husband will have to move. We actually have a house with a live in annex for my dad, so I have live in support.

I’m a mum of 5. I would rather be a miserable single mum of 5, than a miserable single mum of 5 with a crap and nasty and spiteful partner :) and my kids are 6, 4,3,1 and 10 months x

Obviously it’s hard to say but to me the situation you describe with the birthday party just sounds like the ups and downs of marriage and young children. Yes poor behaviour on his side but it is really, really hard while they’re young. Even the most solid relationships suffer.

Can you talk about it? What was he feeling? Men are sometimes a bit like children - they react badly to the feeling of “having” to do something. Maybe he just wanted to put his feet up and watch the football, rather than have people round.

I think all I’m saying is it’s unlikely to be a bed of roses outside the marriage so unless it’s really awful it may be worth trying to fix it. When was your last date night when you went out and had fun and really talked? These are a lifesaver…

Totally understand the logic in this but I am too far gone for a termination