7 months pregnant, husband wants to seperate

[LavenderFlamingo]

Hi,

I am currently 33 weeks pregnant and my husband has told me he now wants a divorce. We already have a 2 year old and a 3 year old, apparently I take too much from my husband and he is fed up of subsidising me.
We seperated for 6 weeks before because my husband has mental health issues and was very unwell at the time. He got psychiatric help and medication and has been better for the last 2 years. I feel he is unwell again just now, this current episode of him wanting to seperate is because he feels he pays too much tax and im refusing to commit benefit fraud for him.
If I list all the reasons we're not working everyone would tell me im insane to have stayed this long 😂 I have mainly stayed because I hoped he would get better mentally and it was just tough because we had very young children. I have also worried that I wont get to be the mum I am just now (as in I'll have to back to work full time instead of the 3 days i do just now and me and the kids will have to move from a very nice area to most likely a council flat in the roughest area of the city as i cant afford anything better).
When we seperated before my husbands dad (also divorced) advised him to move abroad to avoid having to pay for the kids. I believe this will be his plan again.
My husband is very intelligent and will do everything in his power to keep his money hidden. He currently claims he has less than £1500 in the bank despite earning over £100k and having at least £60k in investments.

Basically im looking for advice on how best to prepare myself. I'm in Scotland so benefits will be different to England. I don't want to stay in our current house really because my husband will immediately demand i start paying half on the mortgage and bills (currently he covers mortgage and i cover bills) but half the mortgage payment is more than i earn in a month and with going on maternity in less than a month I wont even be getting that soon.

My advise is to not believe a word from him, get a forensic accountant and shit hot lawyer and free yourself and your children from this fuckery. Easier said than done in late pregnancy but he is a dud and you need to be rid of him. Not advice but I feel for you so much and wish I could scoop you and the kids up and make it all better but im old and jaded and fully fed up of substandard men. There will be better posters than me coming after me im sure x

If he is determined not to pay child maintenence, and wriggle out of a fair financial settlement, there's not much you can do without paying for lengthy and very costly legal bills. It's dire, I have a friend who paid the thick end of £100k for legal advice in a similar situation and he walked away with most of what he had hidden as he was too quick and too clever, and manipulated her through the divorce as he had done in the marriage.

I would gather any financial evidence that you have and move quickly, the longer you leave it the more time he will have to prepare. Get some legal advice, speak to whoever you need to in terms of housing options and benefits. Hopefully someone will be along with Scotland specifics.

This isn't going to be a walk in the park with three littles, but it will surely be better than being beholden to someone who has mental health issues that impact you so greatly, and such little regard for you a the mother of his children. This will never be fair, drop any expectation of that, but it will be ok.

I’m terribly sorry you’re in this position. I know you haven’t been into the full detail of what he’s like, but if you do end up divorcing I think you may be surprised how emotionally liberated you feel to be free of him (even if some other aspects of life are harder). I agree with the reply above, I would get to a lawyer asap. These types of bullies - sounds like his father is cut from the same cloth - can make you feel like they hold all the cards when they really don’t. He can run away abroad but that doesn’t matter if he’s got assets in this country. I would get your ducks in a row now. You have legal rights, the law is there to protect you in this situation. He doesn’t get to control your financial future, the law does that.

I can’t imagine what you must be going through, I’m pregnant myself right now. I would try to get some legal advice if you can now so at least you can go into birth knowing what your rights are and having a plan of action if he does move ahead with a divorce

Sending you so much love and strength xxx