Will he get access to kids?

[Nolongermycircus]

Summary; husband had issues with alcohol and had a breakdown in 2022 when DD was 4 weeks old. We had counselling and got on track and then things started to deteriorate again. I never wanted to be intimate again which created a wedge between us.
a year ago he started EMDR therapy as he had significant childhood PTSD. His mental health deteriorated to the stage of being unable to work, suicidal, angry, very difficult to live with, drinking again. I was unable to leave him with the children alone and tried to take away any responsibility to be helpful but one evening I had to leave urgently with kids as he was completely dysregulated and frightening. Next day he attended his therapy session saying he had thoughts of killing me prompting referrals to social services and police. Later that week he tried to kill himself. Various things have happened since but in the past 4 weeks he seems to have settled (although some signs to me he still isn’t 100%).

I am in family home and initiated divorce. Have no court orders yet but following advice of SS, his MH team that he shouldn’t have kids unsupervised and I shouldn’t be alone with him, we have a routine where we meet in public for a few hours on a Saturday morning. I have lots of discussions and thoughts about whether I should be supervising but to me there isn’t an easy alternative.

ex has been messaging in past week about how we need to review the arrangements, that he is feeling better, that he wants more access to kids. I am very uncomfortable with this but am aware that he also has PR and if he shows stability for a sustained period. My argument to keep things as they are will get harder. I have a solicitor and aware I could get a court order for kids but i have a limited pot of money and am steeling myself for what I think will be a contentious divorce.

I am open to him working towards getting unsupervised contact fir a few hours an afternoon but don’t want him having them overnight due to his unpredictability. What will realistically happen?

you need a cao or contact order in this situation.

He’ll get supervised access. With a view to moving to unsupervised. But will involve SS, cafcass and professional medical assessment and recommendations

he is very unlikely to get overnights at least not In the short or medium term. You should continue to work with authorities here

social services have closed the file, I am viewed as a protective factor and am dong all the right things.

he has supervised access via me.

any idea how much a cao will cost?

I'm not a lawyer, just a dad who's been through the family court. One practical thing while you decide whether to apply for a CAO: start a simple record now, because it'll save you money later if it does go to court.

• Write down the current arrangement and how it came about: the dates, what social services and his mental health team advised, and when the supervised visits started. Keep any letters or emails from those professionals, because their views carry far more weight than anything either of you says.
• Log each visit briefly: the date, how long it lasted and how it went, as facts only. If it's going well, write that down too. A fair record is more believable.
• Keep his messages asking for more time, and keep your replies short and about the children, something like "I want the children to have a good relationship with you, and I'm following the professionals' advice on how we build up."
• If you do see a solicitor, a one-page timeline plus those documents means fewer paid hours getting them up to speed.

On cost, the C100 court fee is on gov.uk, and it's worth checking whether you qualify for legal aid or help with fees. A MIAM is usually needed first, but there are exemptions where there are domestic abuse or safety concerns, so ask about those.

A CAO costs £230. (The court fee) . It is very normal to apply yourself without a solicitor. I did this. In fact most of the people I know who have needed a CAO have done so themselves. Google ‘apply for a CAO’ or ask ChatGPT to talk you through the steps. (The court fee can be reduced of zero depending on income and outgoings . The limits are very generous and not dependent upon receiving benefits. Check out HMCTS help with fees. https://www.gov.uk/get-help-with-court-fees

Would you consider my circumstances to be complicated, and therefore need solicitor input?

You'll need to go to mediation first. If you only attend the miam and refuse to do mediation, you'll have to justify why that is in court.

Through mediation, you could see about reaching an arrangement for gradual contact that both of you could work with.

Sorry for my confusion but I would have thought, given the significant mental health problems and threat to me, this wouldn’t be dealt with in mediation

You do not need to go to mediation in circumstances where violence or abuse is involved.

as the police and SS have been involved you meet the criteria. I think there’s a form to fill in

Sorry for my confusion but I would have thought, given the significant mental health problems and threat to me, this wouldn’t be dealt with in mediation
It would and the court will encourage it.

The court even encourage it when there is a NMO! It can be done online and even what is called shuttle so you don't need to see or talk to eachother on screen.

Quick correction to my post above: I haven't actually been through court myself yet, I've been reading up and getting organised in case I have to. Everything else stands, I just wanted to be straight about that.