The new girlfriend - feelings

[michaelmcdonaldsbeard]

I am divorced since July, separated since 2024. A 30 year relationship ended with revelations of his affairs, lies, manipulation. We have 2 DC 18 and 16 who live with me full time, they see him every now and again.

He is keen for them to meet the wonderful woman who he has lied to swept off her feet. I leave them all to it mostly, but since hearing about the relationship, I am struggling with enormous resentment. I am generally always knackered keeping the ship here afloat, am self employed and haemorrhaging cash. I wouldn't even know where to start developing a new relationship, where to find the time or any inclination or a few spare quid for a dinner out.

Yet there he is, seemingly a catch for someone despite everything, building a shiny new life with zero responsibilities.

I am not jealous or heartbroken (good luck to her) just so flipping tired and wondering when it gets any flipping easier! Thanks for allowing me to rant.

I feel your pain. It’s so hard when you see someone so undeserving of happiness find it when you’re struggling.

i know it doesn’t help at the moment, but your kids love you and know you’re their safe space, and that will absolutely help in the long run. My kids now see my ex for what he was and understand why we got divorced without me having to say a word about it!

I was also self employed the entire time they were growing up so I had the flexibility to work around them. It meant money was tight but my family didn’t go without anything important. And we’re now closer than ever as they start to build their own families. Please don’t give up hope that you’ll find your own happiness whether a new relationship or fulfilling life in other ways.

Ah thank you @SnowflakeSmasher86. I would love to find new friends and connections but I am always so tired - plus it feels like another thing to do on the list. Sometimes I can see that my relationship with my kids is something he will struggle to ever build again, but other times I would love a week to myself with nobody asking me for anything! I feel like I can't get my head above water with the mental load, and he (as he was throughout marriage to my shame) is untroubled by any of it.

@michaelmcdonaldsbeard we must be twins. Do your friends etc assume you are having a great time though? Mine seemed incredibly confused why I have no money!

@DecisionTime123 If I'm honest I put on the 'being single is grreeeaaaattt' act a lot! And overall, I'm probably more relaxed and me now than I ever was in a couple. But also tired and broke! Certainly not anywhere near having the time or energy for dating.

Hi, I was in a similar position, my kids are now a bit older 19 and 21 and it has got a bit easier. The new ‘love’ he has found will fall short because of who he is. The love you share with your children is completely authentic and unconditional. They see what you do for them and all that love in action. I have tried dating but it’s such an effort and additional demands tip me over the edge. Money is always a juggle but we survive. I hope things get easier for you.

Thank you @Superhumanfemale (great name, very apt I'm sure!). It was my eldest's 19th today and we had a very lovely day together. I made the usual effort to buy him things he likes or has mentioned (and hid them round the house!), his favourite breakfast and takeaway, cake, etc. His dad sat in a car with him for 10 minutes, gave him some beer and a toiletries set (that won't be used) and drove off. So yes, you're right, what I have is so much more.