Ex and DARVO, vague threats and how to get him out of my head

[ikeepforgetting]

I'm divorced after a 30 year relationship after finding out he lived a double (single) life with women at work. Awful awful time but 2 years on I am attempting to move on. Two kids 19 and 16 who see him sporadically, stay over with him even less, make their own arrangements.

I have put strong boundaries in place around me, because now his mask has slipped he gets nasty regularly.

After the last boundary - which is to protect my home from unannounced visits whenever he wants - he is now threatening me. His words were 'I won't stay silent forever'. I have bugger all idea what he is talking about, but he has a new partner and my refusal to go along with his new version of reality is a threat.

I'll ignore it, I go to therapy and know all about DARVO, but I would love to find ways to switch him off in my head. I have these one sided conversations with him in my head to try to get the truth out there, and I want to be able to stop this rumination. Anyone else manage it? here's just this underlying fear of what he might do, which I know is the intention.

What is he threatening to do? It is very strange behaviour but every single man seems to do this and read a script. They try and make out the whole marriage was bad, they blame you for things they did then meet someone else and have her believe their lies and start believing them now themselves. They literallt rewrite history. Just write it all down and remember he is trying to play cat and mouse with your head. Keep your cool and just ignore his threats.

He is jealous on how you are succeeding on your own. He still believes you belong to him and your success is down to him.
Note everything down and keep any film from your doorbell camera.

30 years is a long time, longer than mine but I still hear the gaslighting in my head. I try to get involved in any job to put it out of my mind. Looking after the balcony plants helps.

Bearing in mind the kids ages, can you not just block him?

Thanks all, I have more or less blocked him but it's like a rat, you block one hole and they pop out another! I had to email him about not responding to a post divorce admin thing so that opened the door. Also, my kids sometimes talk about him and how he is (ie what he says about me) and I make sure I stay neutral and dont put them in the middle. But again, another gap in the armour.

Keeping myself busy does help @Washingupdone but it's nightime that's the worst for ruminating

I listen to podcasts to fall asleep. I prefer Jane &Fi Times, to take my mind off.