Is it normal to still feel attached to an abusive husband?

[Littlepinkylady]

Is it normal to be still emotionally attached to you abusive husband?

Long story short... My husband wants to get divorce, he actually applied 8 times but I wasn't ready for divorce, because I have no one in uk, I'm all alone and I joined him as spouse visa. He is the only person I have here. In 5 years of our marriage he was very abusive and I always adapt myself and change everything he doesn't like. We also have 3 years old, I don't want to my son experience the same abusive behavior the way I had with him. I don't want to share my son with him for this reason. I'm hoping when I moved to refuge house they will be able to help me with this situation as I'm quite a mess. But somehow I feel lost... I'm 33 and divorced with a toddler.... I don't want to be alone...

Honey you are trauma bonded. Can you contact women's aid?

I'm already in contact with them.... I think I'm scared of being lonely all by myself in UK...

You have been like a chameleon trying to change who you are in the hope your ex stops abusing you. You feel without him you don’t know who you are anymore but this is your time to reclaim that part of yourself that he rejected. There was never anything wrong with you in the first place but your ex likes to take away peoples self esteem. Start validating yourself and feel relief that you are not living under a dictatorship anymore.
At the moment you have no friends but you have a little child, you can take him to playgroups and gradually get your confidence back and start talking to other parents. The more confident in yourself you become the better you will feel about yourself and circumstances.

I know you’re feeling vulnerable, everything feels insurmountable and change is scary but you to learn to trust yourself. You survived before you met your ex and will do so without him. He made you feel stupid so you would start doubting yourself as that made him feel powerful but you have never been stupid and you are very capable. Start claiming your power back ❤️