I have come across an article today about Discard, which is when one partner effectively disavows their connection to the spouse in every way that they can. It creates a whole new narrative designed to protect them and justify their actions.
This article perfectly describes the way my ex has treated me and the impact it has. It's not a proven psychological theory but it's interesting that this behaviour pattern is starting to be more widely recognised. Reading it has certainly made me feel heard and validated in a way that nothing else I have come across. All the puzzle pieces fit this description.
medium.com/@thediscardproject/discard-in-long-term-relationships-psychological-violence-erasure-and-coercive-control-38e4629a537a