How do you cope when contact weekends are repeatedly cancelled?

[SoonToBePinocchiosExWife]

How on earth do you cope with the absent parent letting the child down on contact weekends? I've just realised that the stbxh has most likely been getting his end away on a couple of occasions when he's been unavoidably not able to take our child for the weekend. Am furious but have to feign ignorance and hold my tongue. Any words of advice?!

It is THE most sexist part of family law IMO. You are legally obliged to make the child available. The other parent is NOT legally obliged to turn up!

my advice, just hold your ground. Document it. I documented how late the cancellations were along with outright cancellations or reduced time/dropping kids back a day early etc and colour coded the whole thing for court. They say a picture tells a thousand words.

my ex used to kind of blackmail me with the threat of not showing up. I felt so powerless and there was nowhere to vent my frustration - and I was exhausted and really needed that short reprieve. I couldn’t fathom how he thought it was a good idea to be putting me into such a screwed up state of mind, given I was minding his kids! But that was his mindset, twist the knife at any chance.

Eventually, I worked off the basis that he was going to cancel, and then I stopped expecting anything from him, and stopped getting thrown in a spin when I’d suddenly have the kids for two days and be cancelling plans and trying to control my frustration. It is so shit but some men are just shit Dads. He has no power over me now and he despises me because I don’t even argue with him, he is literally nobody to me and nothing.

its very hard to deal with, I am sorry. I do get it. What age is your child?

My child is 7. I do more or less manage to stay civil with Stbxh but inside I'm seething. Can't wait for the day I never have to see him again!

Document every breached visitation. From now on, document every arrangement. If you agree it verbally, write a follow- up email to confirm the arrangement. When he calls to cancel, write him an email confirming the cancellation.

It won't solve anything, but it gives you a record of his shitty fatherliness if he ever decides he wants 50/50 to save money, or for any other ( legal,or otherwise - like him claiming you withheld visitation) reason going forward.

I'm sorry you're in this situation.