Would letting my husband buy me out make financial sense?

[PoisedUmberCrab]

Hi all. Grateful for some perspectives in relation to a divorce / housing situation.

1. Husband and I getting divorced.
2. We have 2 children aged 18 months and 5 years old.
3. We own (as joint tenants) a property worth £950,000.
4. The mortgage is £670,000.
5. we have paid 50% each of the mortgage and house bills for 7 years.
6. Property is 5 mins from school, 2 mins from nursery and 1 min from my parents.
7. Agreed that husband will have his £75,000 deposit returned (money came from his mother - it doesn’t feel morally right to pursue it).
8. Husband has suggested buying me out, to the value of approximately £100k.
9. His rationale is that, if we sell and both buy separately, we will incur early mortgage repayment charge (c £10k), legal fees (£5k), estate agency fees (£20k), two sets of stamp duty on new properties.
10. putting sentiment aside, I think I’m ok with the idea of moving out. Less upheaval for kids (one new home vs 2). Part of me worried they won’t want to leave the house to come and stay with me but that’s another story.
11. Has anyone done this - how did it turn out?
12. Did it make better financial sense?

Wait, what? Is he the primary carer? Are you working?

Much more complex than about the house.

What is your earning potential compared to his?
What are each of your pensions like?
What other assets do you have?
Will you be able to house yourself with the buy out?
Is he sure removing you from mortgage wouldn't trigger a early repayment charge with his new mortgage seperate?

The split isn't about each item but the overall pot. If his pension is significantly bigger than yours for example then your buyout should be significantly more in return for you not going after his pension if that's what you both want.

There must be other assets that would allow him to buy you out and maintain the home going forward. I don’t think anyone can say without the full picture.

It also depends on what the custody arrangement would be and how both of your careers and pension is been impacted by children.

So you would be the only one incurring stamp duty on your next house, solicitor fees, survey fees, removal costs etc?

Or would you be the one left with the insecurity and financial drain of renting?

he should definitely take account of all that and give you more than £100k, IMO. And in a divorce settlement you would likely get more than 50% of the house value if you are the resident parent and house the children for most of the time.

Can you afford a home for you and Dc? IN such an advantageous location?

You can make it lovely and exciting for them - decorate their rooms etc, and in the end you are their Mum, of course they will want to be with you.

But I wouldn't agree to this or discuss with him until you have talked to your solicitor.

You’ve not said where you would live, can you afford to buy nearby? Who’s the primary carer?

Yeh there isn’t enough info unfortunately. What are both of your earnings?
How is he paying the £100k?
Could you find a house suitable for you and kids nearby?
What will the split be for the children?

I would also say that you're right, the kids will feel more at home in their current home. It is emotionally and financially harder on the parent that moves out.

Don't underestimate the cost of setting up a new home either (furniture, clothes, fixtures and fittings etc).

As a rule of thumb, if the deal between you is fair then if you traded places with the other spouse you'd still be happy. Would your STBX be happy with what he's offer you for himself?

Could you afford to buy somewhere new, including fees, stamp duty, and furnishings in a comparable area in terms of convenience for you and the kids with what he’s offering? What’s your comparative earning potential and what do your pensions look like?

It’s not correct automatically that primary carer gets more than 50 % nor that having children more time will result in that

from purely the information listed this is a very common approach and in these scenarios selling fees, notional legal fees etc are usually deducted as if you were selling at arms length, so in that sense he’s doing the correct thing and not ‘ trying to pull a fast one’ as im sure someone else will try to say he is.

however, I also agree you need to both assess your earnings, other assets, and where you will live and how the children will split their time before anyone can suggest if 50% split on the house is fair.

children don’t see houses in the same way adults do and will adapt fine to wherever each of you live ,

No this sounds like dog shit for you!! I really really would go speak to a solicitor first.

i also wouldn’t underestimate the emotional impact of your kids - they will continue to call home ‘home’ so dads home will be their ‘home’

i temporarily left my husband and moved out with the kids and eldest just cried the whole time he wanted to go home to daddy - despite me being primary carer and dad doing practically zero parenting. My son did not want to be with me.

A short term temporary move is different to a new normal. It takes time to settle. Parents separating is hard on kids irregardless. If your husband had left your eldest would likely still have cried for dad because they dont understand or want the separation. They likely would have cried for you also if they visited dad wanting you to 'come home too'. Its not about the house or not wanting to be with you but an emotional reaction wanting mum and dad together.

I see too many threads of women on here desperate to keep the house, willing to give up savings, pension sharing etc all to keep 'the family home'. I'm in no way saying this is OPs situation as they haven't said but there are women giving up everything else to keep this big 4 bedroom detached house with a big garden for them and their 2 teenagers that are heading off to uni in a couple of years. Huge bills, a mortgage on remaining balance. Worried about money, little to no pension. They would have been so much better selling the family home, moving into a 3 bed semi, either fully paid off (potentially with money to spare) or a much smaller mortgage, lower bills, more disposable income and money to funnel into savings for retirement.

The deal does not sound to be in OPs favour from the limited information given, but leaving the house isn't necessarily a bad call because thats a fucking huge mortgage to worry about.

The parenting split would be around 60/40 (me the primary carer). He will take a personal loan for £100k against his company.

I earn £110k a year but could not afford the mortgage alone on the family home. For reference we are in north London in a 3 bed semi. I’d have to find a 3 bed home nearby and can afford a mortgage of around £500k tops.

And what does he earn and what other assets are there ?

with a 60:40 split you should also get some level of cms .

I respectfully disagree with everything @Shoobadadoo said

On the face of it, it sounds reasonable.
You earn well yourself, so having children doesn't seem to have impacted your career and you have the means to buy another home.
Cms will take care of the 60:40 child care split.
Obviously you haven't mentioned other assets such as pensions but assume you are also considering those.
Home is where their parents are so I wouldn't worry about the children, they'll adapt to the change.

So the house is worth 950 so you should be getting around 475

And he offered you 100

an absolute cheap skate Wank face

It would be a firm no from me and if you can’t afford to buy you out for at least 400 then you sell the house and take profit that way

The house is mortgaged. There isn't £950,000 to share between them.

Did you miss the mortgage bit?

I’m not sure what I said as was voice texting but I didn’t say wank face but can’t rem what I did say

tho tech a wank face is correct in trying to screw you over

yes I get there is a mortgage but £100k doesn’t seem right

I did this and regretted it for the reasons others have mentioned. My DC are adults but it is hard for them to see OW and her kids loving in what was our family home.
I now wish I had insisted we sell up and buy new properties.

Do you know what buying out involves? It doesn't mean anyone gets half of the houses current value and then one person lives in it.
To get half of the current value it would need sold.

It’s so close to your parents. That would be tricky to replicate……

Well what do you think it should be?

Does the £100k include anything related to the savings he will have on not having to pay to move? There's no reason for you to shoulder all of the moving costs for your house, but him none of them.

What are you hoing to do about things liie nursery fees?

Where will you end up for school catchments?

In this scenario I was the one who bought the other out. You need to look at the value of the whole marital pot including pensions. Then decide if this is a reasonable split. It was an easy process, obviously easier than forming a chain to sell.

It’s been good for my son to stay in the same home, he’s not reluctant to visit his dad in his new place, quite the opposite. He really enjoyed the novelty of the new house.

I would caution the logic that you will both save money. That should not factor into your choice as you will have those costs anyway. He will save money with this arrangement. My ex happily fell on his sword with moving costs, setting up a home costs but that was his choice.

Also think about the point the previously poster makes about seeing another woman potentially living in your former marital home. Don’t be afraid of a clean break all round if that would feel harmful to you or your kids.

My ex bought me out and its been fine, its been easier for the kids, 4 and 8, they like my house, it's very different to my old house. I have the kids 50/50.

The house was put on the market and wasn't selling. I couldn't afford it on my own and frankly I didn't want it either, too many memories. Ex's parents are well off so they gave him cash to buy me out and I now have a lovley wee house in a fab school area, I've moved the kids school as I need the wraparound care and my job is not compatible with school pickups even 50% of the time. I think it helped as ex and I both want to move closer to the local city, which I am