Navigating early days of separation…

[marvellousmaplesyrup]

Any tips to help figure out living together while going through a separation? Specifically:

1. Getting used to not telling STBXH where I’m going, what I’m doing or who I’m with - after years of being told that’s what I had to do I’m struggling with suddenly turning this off and I’m over sharing with him way too much
2. Currently we’ve not told our two DS (6&3) we’re separating (will do that when house sale goes through) but are currently prepping them the best we can by doing things with them separately ie I have them Saturday, STBXH has them Sunday. What do you do with the time you don’t have them? I find myself aimlessly wandering the local town!

thanks

You're not planning on telling them they are moving and mummy and daddy are splitting up at the same time are you?

In the same boat with same age kids. We told them a few weeks after splitting, even though we are still living together and will be for a good few months at least. They sensed something was up and so we told them rather than not telling them the truth. As for time by yourself, it'll feel really weird at first but you'll soon get used to finding things to keep you occupied - friends, walks, reading, household chores so that you spend quality time with your kids.

It is hard not knowing how to spend the time. I used to have a kind of routine. I had moved out to the spare bedroom so had my own space
change bedding, hoover, dust, clean my new room.
go for a walk with my parents or see my parents for lunch or whatever and I didn’t rush back so it felt very leisurely.
do a food shop for my things I needed to get ready for the week.
go to the cinema.

I always wanted to be back for when the DC went to bed as they felt it was strange not to see me when I had been the primary carer.

Do you have a cinema nearby? I have a cinema pass, they differ quite a lot in price, which brand and location really matter, Mine is only £13 a month so I see loads if films for hardly any money.

I was in almost exactly the same situation as you, well, the were kids 7 and 4 when we split, ended up living together for a year after and it was hell, but I made it through for the kids.

We told them in stages. Initially that sometime soon we wouldn't be married anymore, but the house wasnt selling which made things difficult but he eventually bought me out and i have my own place now, we share the kids 50/50. Its still awful though. But you will get through it, I guess it helps if it is your decision though, It was mot my decision, turns out STBEXH is gay, but somehow decided to marry me and have 2 kids before he couldn't live with himself any longer before shagging random met he'd met online. Tosser.

I did with mine, they were 5 and 2, and I told them the day we moved into the new place. DS didn’t even flinch, and DD was too young. We decided against a big conversation together. I just took them to new house and told them they’d he having two homes now and they were very excited with new garden / toys and still stayed with their dad a lot too (in the beginning).

I'm in a similar boat, kids age 6 and 3. Decided to split 4 or 5 months ago. We haven't told them we're splitting up yet but doing more things separate like alternate bedtimes and have done separate holidays this summer. I'm really hoping we don't have to sell the house to minimise upheaval for them, but waiting for public sector pension amounts to come through - it will depend on that. Like you, I want to have our living situation settled before we break the news.

I'm quite enjoying having time back to myself, I'm doing a jigsaw, very rock and roll! I keep thinking of going to a yoga class or something, but it's hard to get confidence back isn't it. I have started doing couch to 5k but not very often.

I'm finding it difficult that now we're separated we're getting on much better. And I keep remembering when things were better between us (before kids). It helps me to keep a list of all the annoying or unpleasant things he has done to remind myself I'm doing this for a good reason.

If it's any help, I asked my 6 year old what she thinks it must be like for her best friend, whose daddy lives in a different house. She said "exciting", which I was surprised by, but I guess the idea of having a second bedroom is tempting at that age!

Keep us posted how it's going. I feel completely in the dark with all of this.