I’ve recently separated from my child’s father and I’ve discovered something that has completely changed how I feel about unsupervised contact.
We have a toddler. I’ve found a large number of old messages between him and a friend showing repeated cocaine use/planning over roughly three years, including while I was pregnant and continuing up until last month. I had no idea this was happening.
To be clear, I have no evidence that he ever took cocaine while actually caring for our child. He seems to have made sure either he was away, or I had our child elsewhere, when he did it.
What concerns me is that some of the messages show plans being made around me and our child being out of the house, including cocaine being used/prepared in our family home and references to using normal household items such as a plate and microwave. There are also separate messages about planning to smoke cannabis again when he has his own place.
I’ve now told him I’m keeping our child with me until I’ve had legal advice. His response was basically that I’d gone through an old phone to find “one thing I did ages ago”, that our child had never been at risk, and that I should drug test him.
Nursery have logged it as a safeguarding concern and referred it to social services. They’ve also told me that because he has parental responsibility and there is no court order, they cannot legally stop him collecting our child, so I’m currently keeping our child off nursery while I get legal advice.
I’m not trying to stop my child having a relationship with his dad. I’m worried about whether normal unsupervised or overnight contact is safe while I don’t know the current extent of his drug and alcohol use, especially now I know this was happening for years without my knowledge.
Has anyone been through anything similar? What is a family court actually likely to do in this situation — supervised contact, daytime-only contact, drug testing, or would they generally still allow normal overnight contact?
I am speaking to a family solicitor, so I’m not relying on Mumsnet for legal advice, but I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone with experience of Cafcass, family court or substance misuse concerns.